Hope it wasn't one of you.
So yesterday about 30 minutes before closing, we get a call here at the office. They put the call through to me because this lady is saying she's calling to advise that the power company is coming out within the hour to shut off the juice for non-payment. First off, I know if this is fo realz, it's a huge mistake because we have an office manager that lives to account for every dime. She's already gone home so I'm arguing with this lady and telling her she'd better reverse that order or their will be consequences. I'm a District Manager. I drive a Dodge Stratus.
But she never waivers. "Sir, I have no authority to do that. I'm simply a dispatcher and my job is to call you and advise that you can have your service restored by going in the office from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and..."
Lady, I'm telling you if this power gets cut off, we'll have a suit served on you the next day.
Sir, you do what you have to do, my job is simply to...
Hang up and immediately call the utilities office. Zero balance. Never so much as a late fee in almost 14 years. Been pranked.
Go back and pull up the number. 251 area code. Hmmm....that ain't from around here. So I call it. "Michael" answers. I dentify myself and ask him to explain why someone called here and told us our power was about to be cut off. He plays dumb. I gave him the ole "If anyone from this office ever calls this number again...we'll have the police...harassing communications...legal words...legal words... hang up.
Rrrrrriiinng.....
Are you seriously calling this number back?
It's me, Michael. I'm right here. You said you'd call the cops. I'm waiting.
Dude, ain't nobody got time fo dat. Click.
Everyone's gone from the office. I start shutting everything down and headed for the door. Rrrrriiinnng....I'll let the answering machine get it. So I listen to Michael's message. Michael has apparently already done 6 bong hits this afternoon and is sipping on tekwila. He's laughing like Butthead in between sentences. By the end of his diatribe, I've got tears I'm laughing so hard. And by his opening line, it's obvious he knows me.
Beeeep. Hey Ball-sack. It's Michael again. Huh huh huh. I'm still waiting on the cops. Huh huh...You said you were calling them. I don't seeeee them, ball-sack. Huh huh huh. Uuumm yeah... Call the cops. They'd never come anyway. Huh huh....too busy eatin' doughnuts. Lazy bastards. Cops. Get a real fucking job. Sit on their lazy, fat asses all day eating doughnuts. Huh huh huh. Cops. Fuckers. Sooo...yeah. Click.
So, I called the cops. Srsly, had a buddy of mine who's a long time policeman, come by this morning and listen to it. Gave him the number and what I had. Told him to have at it if he's so inclined.
Ball-sack. I chortled all night about that one.
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