Talking about snakes in the other thread got me to thinking. Snakes don't bother me at all. Had one slither in my house a couple of weeks ago..small White Oak....and I reached down and picked him up and showed him to my wife....who promptly passed out. (Beat my ass when she woke up) For some reason, snakes just don't give me the willys. But...
Wasps do. If one of those bastards even buzz by my head, I get chills from head to toe. I hate em'. I have like 6 cans of 20 foot stream Hot Shot around the house. Fuck a nest of wasps. They serve no purpose on this earth other than to terrorize me.
Spiders....they run a reeeeeal close second.
You sick bastard!
Yellow jackets and snakes scare the crap outta me. I think the yellow jackets are more of a memory jog...when I was 8 or 9, I was stung by a whole freaking nest of them. It has obviously scared me for life.that and herpes
Sick bastards give you the heebie jeebies?
Emoticons and online polls.
Yellow jackets and snakes scare the crap outta me. I think the yellow jackets are more of a memory jog...when I was 8 or 9, I was stung by a whole freaking nest of them. It has obviously scared me for life.
Emoticons and online polls.:classic:
Few years ago, I'm driving down a busy 4 lane. Look up and there's this spider walking on the headliner of my car right above me. This was not your normal looking, garden variety spider. Had an abdomen the size of Cleveland and no doubt, poisonous enough to kill an elephant. There was a Lowes parking lot up ahead which was the first place I could pull off but I remember thinking, "If he drops on me....I am immediately steering into oncoming traffic and I will end it all right now."I got you beat.
Lots of little bitches up in this thread.
Word.Word Em' Up.
I was just checking in to call you all a bunch of pussies.
Or, to quote Jumbo, quoting another:
Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.
Word.
I was just checking in to call you all a bunch of pussies.
Or, to quote Jumbo, quoting another:
Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.
My wife, though, is t.e.r.r.i.f.i.e.d of lizards and frogs. Every once in a while a lizard will get in the house. If it does, well I might as well go home to take care of it because she will call me every five seconds till the sombitch is dead.
I can empathize with you there. Once Little Buzz figured this out, he started catching lizards and bringing them in for mommy to see. That can be enjoyable...until I get hit for laughing so hard.
THAT'S HIM...OH MY GOD...THAT"S HIM!!!!!
Ok, in the other thread I may have mentioned something about real looking rubber snakes and being a barrel full of laughs. My neighbors and wife know that I may or may not like snakes a whole lot.
A couple of years back, my neighbors wife buys a new Lexus. She loves this car. So does her hubby and for what they paid, they should love it. Anywho, I am out in the yard, getting a new flower bed ready and just happened to have a garden hoe in my hand getting those last few clumps of pesky grass up. I see my wife in their driveway talking to her and then they call me over and tell me that she needs help getting a box out of the trunk. All the while her husband is peaking around the garage and I never noticed him so I didn't think anything about it. Walk up with the hoe still in my hand mind you, and she asked if I could get the box out of her trunk. I tell her yes and start to reach out when they both (wife and neighbors wife) gasp and point to the ground. I see the snake hanging about halfway out from the car.
The next part is really blurry, but I do remember grabbing the hoe, spinning away from the car whilst walking on air like I was in the Matrix and swinging said hoe as hard as I could towards the ground. This part gets really tricky b/c in my panic, my aim is not really all that great. I remember hearing this crunching noise, like plastic makes when it is being hit and punctured. The next thing I remember is I am standing there with this blank stare, they looked shocked and her husband comes out of the garage looking sick. I look down and realize that I whacked the hell out of their bumper and I don't know how I got the angle I got, but I sunk the hoe up in it.
I figured the husband was pissed and he was, but at this wife and my wife, although he was part of it. Convo went like this.
Me: Dude, I really hate that.
Him: :sad:
Me, while looking at my wife and his wife: What in the fuck made you think that was a good idea, snake, car, garden hoe. Neither one of you really thought this out did you?
Them: :jaw:
Him: :sad:
I then walk off and go back to work all pissed off. It cost them a little money to get that one fixed. I laugh now, but I was really pissed at the time.
This sounds like a great life lesson for them. I hope you did not give them any money toward the repair.
Our government and the IRS.I know someone that could help you with that.
That really is about it. I have been audited twice in the last 5 years. I have gotten physically sick both times. I hate those motherfuckers with the heat of a thousand fires.
I know someone that could help you with that.
Word.
I was just checking in to call you all a bunch of pussies.
Or, to quote Jumbo, quoting another:
Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.
Say there friend...how do you feel about marriage....and kids?
Wasps - hate em.
Got stung last Summer by 2 at the same time on my hand.
Fuck em. No purpose.
That is all.
Like someone said earlier, a snake you can usually see and deal with it. Wasps, yellow jackets etc....you may see them and you may not. You step on a jacket nest in the ground....get ready to have 15 cigarettes put out on your legs. Wasps have a real nasty habit of building nests in a bush, on the back side of a grill...and my personal favorite...when you're working a summer construction job and go to the warehouse to get some sawhorses...pick one up and suddenly you're in a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's, The Birds...except the birds are 3 pound red wasps with 2" stingers.Zak Lee.
I have a feeling some of our veterans on here have the nips about a certain word....."Incoming".Veterans and AWK.
Say there friend...how do you feel about marriage....and kids?You didn't get your invitation??
Veterans and AWK.
Veterans and AWK.
Don't forget about the hobbit....
See wasp and spiders don't bother me. Not saying that I don't kill them on site, but they don't bother me that much.
I don't know why so many people on here are bothered by stuffy white people and a particular '80's hair metal bands.
(http://www.biconet.com/critter/GIFs/saw-50.jpg)
My grandfather always told me that a nice thick hemp rope placed along your fence or property line will keep the snakes out. We had a nice piece of 2" thick rope along our fence growing up, and I never saw a snake in the back yard.
Trust me you be on the short list in the future, but these were all tied not only to family stuff but also shit from when I had the glass company in Birmingham, so the water is muddy to say the least. Hopefully when I move to another country in a couple of years I can just say "fuck'em".I'm not an accountant or tax lawyer, but it seems to me you could better avoid audits if you didn't claim girlfriends as dependent minors
My grandfather always told me that a nice thick hemp rope placed along your fence or property line will keep the snakes out. We had a nice piece of 2" thick rope along our fence growing up, and I never saw a snake in the back yard.
Dammit, hell, shit, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! :suicide:
We had a neighbor kill a rattlesnake on his porch this evening. That is snake number 6 this year and the second poisonous one. First one was a copper head, but it might as well have been a king cobra. Last year I killed 3 myself and one was a rattlesnake. I have been here for 4 years, the subdivision is a little over 4 years old, I moved in when there were 7 houses, now there are 20 with 30 more empty, grown up lots. A horse farm is located to the west with a nasty snake infested pond about 100 ft from the neighbors house that killed the snake, there is timber to the north, cotton fields to the south and houses to the east across the road. Since I have been here, we have averaged about 6 snakes a year. Ugh!
Only two logical solutions as I see it. Either sell my house or burn the entire neighborhood to the ground. I haven't made my mind up as to which I will do, but if you see in the news "Crazy man burns entire subdivision over a snake" that will be me.
I. Fucking. Hate. Snakes.
I'm not an accountant or tax lawyer, but it seems to me you could better avoid audits if you didn't claim girlfriends as dependent minors
The obvious answer here is to build a rattlesnake fence.
I have heard similar, the only difference was to use a regular rope dipped in kerosene.
Say there friend...how do you feel about marriage....and kids?
Not scared of either. Just opting out.
I would go with this, then if you decide to go the arson route you already have a fuse made.
Dammit, hell, poop, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! :suicide: AGAIN!!!!
The wife just called.....coaches wife just called her and was screaming hysterically, a rattlesnake in the backyard and the dog has it all pissed off and her husband is not answering the phone. Another neighbor is headed down to take care of it.......
Yup, fire is looking better by the minute.
You may be right.
In their defense they live in front of a couple of the lots that have timber and a pond on them. Why the builder hasn't cleaned that shit up is beyond me. No one is going to buy those lots until he does. The snakes are usually in their area of the neighborhood....which is right across the street from me :sneer:
Sounds like we...I mean you have pinpointed the target area. You should call this in for an air attack.
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.........
The builder called tonight, apparently he has been called by several and asked me about the snakes. I told him and he is coming up tomorrow to start cleaning up with a bushhog and box blade some lots down where they are more level. It will help at least.
You do realize that once he starts cleaning that up, the snakes will move out of that particular area and into your yard....in large numbers.
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.........
The builder called tonight, apparently he has been called by several and asked me about the snakes. I told him and he is coming up tomorrow to start cleaning up with a bushhog and box blade some lots down where they are more level. It will help at least.
You do realize that once he starts cleaning that up, the snakes will move out of that particular area and into your yard....in large numbers.
I will say this again. Clean up the rodents, and the snakes will leave. That is what they are after this time of year.
No joke, I know it will put them on the move and that is fine. I figure that I will see a couple move through. I do every year so I expect it. At least it will be a cleaner area and less places for their food source to hide.
Really? Seriously? After I sit here and convince myself that it will help, you have to bring up this shit?!!
No joke, I know it will put them on the move and that is fine. I figure that I will see a couple move through. I do every year so I expect it. At least it will be a cleaner area and less places for their food source to hide.
My yard is clean and so are those on either side of me. I also spent the winter making sure that the fence row that is behind my yard is super clean and you have a plain view of sight. This is the first year that I haven't seen any snakes in that spot. I attribute it to the clean up, mothballs and neighbors cats. Now saying that, I realize I will now see 15 or 20 this evening in one flowerbed.
Hornets-Wasps-No problem, Bumble bees get me, While driving one time (windows opens) one somehow got sucked in the drivers window got shot right to my nutsack and he expressed in angry in a most painful way-right on the ball. Almost drove my car right into a tree.
Kids-The smaller they are the more scared I am. Luckily found a women who didn't want any. If I'd had kids-I'd be on cops every Sat night in Wal Mart wearing Bama gear.
Did you know those things pop and the entire innards will shoot a good 10-12 feet and splatter on a wall?
FIXT
Sit on your porch like this as they slither by.
(http://blog.cleveland.com/sun/intermission_impact/2009/01/large_Clint_Eastwood_Gran_Torino.jpg)
When our neighborhood was really being developed, we got quite a few mice in the house. They were being run out of their habitat and looking for shelter. For some reason, they thought our pantry was just the ticket. One night, I got up and headed to the fridge for a drink and heard this russling in the pantry. Opened the door and this little sucker drops down from a shelf and scampers by me before I can get my wits about me. It's like 2:00 a.m.
A couple of nights later, same scenario but this time, I'm paying attention. I know he's on one of the shelves so I quickly open the door and block the doorway with a couple of boxes. I knew he'd find his way out so I grabbed a broom, quickest thing I could get my hands on. He squeezes out and runs across the floor and I pinned him down with the bristles. Keeping pressure on him, I worked my way up the broom handle and he pokes his head out between the bristles. I said, "Say hello to my little friend" and hammer fisted that bitch til his eye popped out.
Had one on the back porch one day and he went running by me. I stomped on him and couldn't have hit him any more perfectly. Did you know those things pop and the entire innards will shoot a good 10-12 feet and splatter on a wall?
No, but I found out that if a mouse trap closes in just the right spot Jerry's head will be cut in half at the jaw hinge.
in Wal Mart wearing Bama gear.
Fuck that-I'll have kids and drive around with my windows open in a bee Sanctuary with my nuts coated in honey.
in Wal Mart wearing Bama gear.
Fuck that-I'll have kids and drive around with my windows open in a bee Sanctuary with my nuts coated in honey.
They taste like chicken
Yeah, who hasn't been there?
I want to thank Snaggle for this thread. Two snakes since this thread and both have been of the King-coppermouth- cottonpython-rattlevipercobra variety. Thanks a lot good buddy!
Just here to help
You heartless bastard
You know there are a couple of the waiting on you to get home?
Stopping by Lowes on the way home to pick up a case of Hot Shot 20' streamer. I'll be coming up the driveway, cans-a-blazin
Swap that beer with a glass of bourbon and I will do exactly that.
Stopping by Lowes on the way home to pick up a case of Hot Shot 20' streamer. I'll be coming up the driveway, cans-a-blazin
The drink doesn't matter. You have to practice the steely Clint squint. That's what scares away the beasts and draws in the women.
Well, I can't even begin to get the steely Clint squint on beer. I need something more hardcore to get on Clint's level.
Like some Crown Reserve and a lot of pussy.
AUT...you should get a hawk...or a mongoose...or a midget. The midget won't really take care of your snake problem, but I have laways wanted to have a midget around, he can get you bourbon and snacks.
No...a she-midget
What's a good midget set a man back now days?Weskie what is the going rate for a midget?
Weskie what is the going rate for a midget?
http://www.hireamidget.com/
Holy poop.
But this... This is genius.
Holy shit.
Couple of years ago, my buddy and I were planning a bachelor party for another friend. We thought it we'd start it off with a basketball game, against midgets, on 7 foot rims. Mainly so we could just dunk on them. I even put an ad on craigslist, offering to pay the midgets $50/hour. No replies. So my dreams of the "Michael Jordan Experience" for my friend would not come true. So we got him whores instead.
But this... This is genius.
Hire midget whores-Basketball game and then a eff. two for one.
This man is thinking..........
Couple of years ago, my buddy and I were planning a bachelor party for another friend. We thought it we'd start it off with a basketball game, against midgets, on 7 foot rims. Mainly so we could just dunk on them. I even put an ad on craigslist, offering to pay the midgets $50/hour. No replies. So my dreams of the "Michael Jordan Experience" for my friend would not come true. So we got him whores instead.
I wanna party with you, cowboy.Will you be our big toe?
Will you be our big toe?
AUT...you should get a hawk...or a mongoose...or a midget. The midget won't really take care of your snake problem, but I have laways wanted to have a midget around, he can get you bourbon and snacks.
Weskie what is the going rate for a midget?
Holy shit.
Couple of years ago, my buddy and I were planning a bachelor party for another friend. We thought it we'd start it off with a basketball game, against midgets, on 7 foot rims. Mainly so we could just dunk on them. I even put an ad on craigslist, offering to pay the midgets $50/hour. No replies. So my dreams of the "Michael Jordan Experience" for my friend would not come true. So we got him whores instead.
But this... This is genius.
You heartless bastard
I found one that may be better.Now he'll never look at his wife nekkid again
(http://cellar.org/2007/thousands-of-spiders.jpg)
Now he'll never look at his wife nekkid again
I found one that may be better.
(http://cellar.org/2007/thousands-of-spiders.jpg)
Where did you get that picture of my ex-wifes bush? Nevermind I see spiders. It was the size that threw me off.
Where did you get that picture of my ex-wifes bush? Nevermind I see spiders. It was the size that threw me off.
Demi Moore?
Forgot all about that thread.......I still say there are a bunch of lying SOB"s if they claimed they wouldn't hit it.
I guess you're a Steppenwolf kind of guy?
15-20 years ago? Not a problem...
Today, 2011, the answer from me would be yes, wouldn't hesitate.
inShare
Idaho couple's dream home was infested with snakes
REXBURG, Idaho -- They slithered behind the walls at night and released foul-smelling musk into the drinking water. And they were so numerous that Ben Sessions once killed 42 in a single day.
Shortly after buying their dream home, Sessions and his wife discovered it was infested with thousands of garter snakes. For the next three months, their growing family lived as if in a horror movie. More than a year after they abandoned the property, the home briefly went back on the market, and they fear it could someday attract another unsuspecting buyer.
The five-bedroom house stands on nearly two pastoral acres in rural Idaho, about 125 miles southwest of Yellowstone National Park. Priced at less than $180,000, it seemed like a steal.
But the young couple soon learned they would be sharing the home with reptiles at least two feet long that had crawled into seemingly every crevice.
While setting up a chicken coop, Sessions lifted a piece of sheet metal and was startled to see a pair of snakes slither away. A few days later, he found more and soon started to collect dozens in buckets. At times, there were so many in the yard that the grass seemed to move.
If he rapped a stick against the roof overhang, he could hear dozens scatter, their scales sliding against the aluminum. After he removed some panels of siding, dozens of snakes popped out. When he made his way through the crawl space to investigate further, he found snakes everywhere.
Advertisement
That's when he realized his family was probably living atop a garter snake den where the nonpoisonous reptiles congregate in the fall and winter.
Sessions quickly developed a daily snake-fighting routine. Before his pregnant wife and two small boys got out of bed, he would do a "morning sweep" through the house to make sure none of the snakes had gotten inside. One day, his wife screamed from the laundry room, where she had almost stepped on one. He rushed in to find that she had jumped onto a counter.
"I was terrified she was going to miscarry," he said.
When they bought the house, the Sessions signed a document that noted the snake infestation. They said they had been assured by their real estate agent that the snakes were just a story invented by the previous owners to leave their mortgage behind.
They soon learned that nearly everyone else in this tiny college town knew the snakes were real.
"I felt bad," said Dustin Chambers, a neighbor. "By the time we knew someone had bought it, they were already moving in. It was too late."
Among locals, the property is known simply as the "snake house," he added.
The pests were impossible to escape no matter the hour of the day.
At night, the Sessions would lie awake and listen to slithering inside the walls. During the day, the family often had to eat out because their well water smelled like the musk released by the snakes as a warning to predators.
But because of the paperwork they had signed, the couple had little recourse when they decided to flee the home. They filed for bankruptcy, and the bank foreclosed on the house.
The Sessions left in December 2009, the day after their daughter was born and just three months after moving in.
But because of the paperwork they had signed, the couple had little recourse when they decided to flee the home.
(http://www.snakecatcherstick.com/images/LotsOfSnakes.jpg)
(http://www.snakecatcherstick.com/images/LotsOfSnakes.jpg)
Time for homemade napalm.
3 parts gasoline
1 part washing powder.
I received this in email a couple of years ago just for you AUT.
Gators don't bother me....I have been watching swamp people and now know how to deal with them properly.
There are gators up here on Wheeler (and other places too I am sure) and you can see them from time to time on the backwaters when fishing. I know you aren't supposed to have a gun on the wildlife refugee, but I may or may not have been known to keep a .45 in the boat in case I heard one of those bad boys growl at night and saw eyes about 6inches apart glowing from the boat light.
All this talk about snakes, bugs, animals...we need to bring in an expert, Brian Fellow.
Once I saw a video of a monkey washing a cat, THAT’S CRAZY
Gators don't bother me....I have been watching swamp people and now know how to deal with them properly.
There are gators up here on Wheeler (and other places too I am sure) and you can see them from time to time on the backwaters when fishing. I know you aren't supposed to have a gun on the wildlife refugee, but I may or may not have been known to keep a .45 in the boat in case I heard one of those bad boys growl at night and saw eyes about 6inches apart glowing from the boat light.
All this talk about snakes, bugs, animals...we need to bring in an expert, Brian Fellow.
Once I saw a video of a monkey washing a cat, THAT’S CRAZY
They gots 'em Lake Eufaula too. GH has been known to get drunk and throw beer bottles at them.
There was one in the duck pond one of my brothers and I hunt in. It's illegal to hurt them without a license so I am sure he left of his own accord. I heard he found some batter and hot grease.
GH ain't kidding about a Eufaula gatah. That lake is loaded. We've had a few up in our slew (Slough...however you spell it). Called the wildlife management people and they sent out a guy straight out of Swamp People. (I like that show too) He tried several times to cast the big treble hook to it but kept missing. Set up the hanging chicken guts bait in a tree at the end of the slew/slough. Caught a 7 footer a couple of days after we left.
Soooooo, on Sunday there was another Spitting Kingcottonheadedcopperrattlerviper, killed. So what happens? AUT1 has two nice dreams about snakes and doesn't sleep very well. Ugh!
What about the devil goat dog?
I heard they "eyeball" his beer and he winds up talking shit to them since it offends him.
though mrs. aut1 dreams of boa snakes but only wakes to a worm.
I've enoucoutered a few water moccasins at the lake that tend to annoy me. I can deal with them on land, but when they're swimming right towards you, that'll make your nuts go right up inside, especially when you're waste deep in the water. You can splash, throw schit, whatever, they still keep coming at you. I don't know if they'll actually strike if they get up on you in the water like that, but I'm not sticking around to find out.
This X6. Those things are incredibly aggressive. It's like you stepped on some gang's turf.
This X6. Those things are incredibly aggressive. It's like you stepped on some gang's turf.
I actually thought the same thing until I had a run in with a rattlesnake.
Those damn things will follow you around. The whole, they will warn you by rattling and if you leave they will won't bother you......yeah that's a bunch of bullshit and false info. Piss them off, and they are coming after you.MOST snakes will. Those won't.
MOST snakes will. Those won't.
It's 50/50 on Moccasins. Ive seen some jump into the water as I drove up. And some hold their ground as I WALK up. Like GarMan said, take no chances.
Welp.
Already had a snake killed in our neighborhood this year. Dammit! Thinking it's time to either have a mongoose imported or hire that midget.
I'm thinking seriously about a...
(http://lh6.ggpht.com/_-IBzbM_RoeE/TT-BX1CXSII/AAAAAAAADjI/BD3yxDhyBsY/taurus%20judge%5B3%5D.jpg)
Oh I have that, but think of how much cooler it would be to have pet mongoose or a midget.Well sure, but you have to remember to feed 'em...
Well sure, but you have to remember to feed 'em...
Welp.Invest in a King Snake. They're non-poisonous and will kill any poisonous snake that comes into the area. It's the "fight fire with fire" philosophy.
Already had a snake killed in our neighborhood this year. Dammit! Thinking it's time to either have a mongoose imported or hire that midget.
Will midgets eat snakes?
Some consider me a midget, and I will eat your snake, so the answer is...yes.
Well sure but can we play horseshoes with you while snaggle gives handjobs behind the car?
Will midgets eat snakes?
I'm thinking seriously about a...
(http://lh6.ggpht.com/_-IBzbM_RoeE/TT-BX1CXSII/AAAAAAAADjI/BD3yxDhyBsY/taurus%20judge%5B3%5D.jpg)
Ive never really countered reptiles with a pistol. Slim, moving target that moves in an S fashion? I'd prefer this......At least I know I will mortally damage his ass in some fashion. Especially with a 3 inch shell. But I guess if you are hiking, camping or what not, a pistol is def more convenient to carry.Taurus Judge... Not only can you shoot .45 Colt ammo, it can chamber .410 shotgun shells.
Taurus Judge... Not only can you shoot .45 Colt ammo, it can chamber .410 shotgun shells.
Years ago I am eating dinner with my family, minding my own business when the boy next door rings the bell. He is about 9 and there is no dad in the picture so I guess I was the one he thought of. He tells me his tarantula got loose and wanted me to help catch him. Even though I hate spiders I was going to try to help him.Fuck spiders. I hate every one of them. I was helping an uncle with a plumbing a while back, which required me scooting my big ass under the house. Nothing but spider webs in that crawl space ... freaked me out! If I think about it too much, I still get the sensation that I have spiders crawling on me.
He had chased the tarantula in MY garage (which had just been cleaned and was pretty much empty to make way for a camper). I opened the garage door and spotted this VERY agitated and large spider. It was bigger than my hand, standing on its back legs and snapping his fangs. I tried to approach a few times and he jumped toward me and I quickly retreated.
No way was I getting near enough to capture this thing; No way was I leaving it in my garage. I send the youngster home telling him I will bring him the spider after it calms down, and call for the Dallas, Texas phonebook. I got about 5 feet from the spider and launched the phone book at him. Direct hit, just to make sure I walk over and stomp the hell out of the phone book.
I clean up the mess and report to the trustful youth the tarantula ran out of the door, but maybe he will come back home when he gets hungry.
A few weeks later I buy him a gardener snake.
Years ago I am eating dinner with my family, minding my own business when the boy next door rings the bell. He is about 9 and there is no dad in the picture so Iguess I was the one he thought of. He tells me his tarantula got loose and wanted me to help catch him. Even though I hate spiders I was going to try to help him.
He had chased the tarantula in MY garage (which had just been cleaned and was pretty much empty to make way for a camper). I opened the garage door and spotted this VERY agitated and large spider. It was bigger than my hand, standing on its back legs and snapping his fangs. I tried to approach a few times and he jumped toward me and I quickly retreated.
No way was I getting near enough to capture this thing; No way was I leaving it in my garage. I send the youngster home telling him I will bring him the spider after it calms down, and call for the Dallas, Texas phonebook. I got about 5 feet from the spider and launched the phone book at him. Direct hit, just to make sure I walk over and stomp the hell out of the phone book.
I clean up the mess and report to the trustful youth the tarantula ran out of the door, but maybe he will come back home when he gets hungry.
A few weeks later I buy him a gardener snake.
locked him in the basement.
The above is what should have happened.Greatest
The above is what should have happened.
I couldn’t, the basement was where I was keeping his older sister.
Fuck spiders. I hate every one of them. I was helping an uncle with a plumbing a while back, which required me scooting my big ass under the house. Nothing but spider webs in that crawl space ... freaked me out! If I think about it too much, I still get the sensation that I have spiders crawling on me.
Yo quicksand is a scary mother too, when it gets in your mouth.
Your basement isn't equipped for multi-child storage? Poor pedo planning.
Now that would be one big ass snake.
'Scuse me while I whip this out.
Now that would be one big ass snake.What we have here, little yellow sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama Blacksnake. But it ain't too goddamned beaucoup.
I was running the cross country trail behind my office yesterday and about ran over a 3 to 4 foot cotton mouth. I about shit myself because I didn't think I was gonna get stopped in time to turn around and run like a scared little bitch.(http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web05/2011/7/29/23/fuck-that-squid-10545-1311997460-16.jpg)
My wasp jeebie came to fruition this past weekend. Was out back trimming bushes with some hedge trimmers. The weekend before, my electric trimmers went kaput so I was doing it the old fashioned way. (Thank God) So I'm walking all around this thorny ass rose bush, it's about 106 degrees in the shade, hot and sweaty and pissed off that this 20 minute job with electric trimmers is now an hour in with the manual pair. I'm bent down to get a low limb and this F-18 dive bombs me from about 9,000 feet. Big reddish/black one with a 3" stinger that glistened in the sun. He hits my back over my left shoulder. Instinctively...I go full tard and somehow flail wildly with my right hand (That's now holding the trimmers) to slap this monster from my back.
I have no earthly idea how it happened but I apparently took the handle end of the trimmer and knocked the holy bejeezus out of my right cheek bone. Thought I was going to pass out but managed to stay awake so I could speak loudly in tongues. I knew my yardwork was over. You know how you injure yourself and more than anything, you dread looking in the mirror to see what the damage really is? I was bleeding slightly but it appeared someone had surgically implanted an egg under my skin on my right cheek. Iced it down but but all week I've been sporting this really keen black eye.
I fricking HATE wasps!!!!
I always wondered how old people ended up with random bruises and injuries.
Now I know.
So that dude that won the giant banana taught it to open a door?
He has several more videos of "Julius" just roaming around with the kids and him helping shed his skin........Fuck that noise.
Know why they named him Julius? Huh? Huh? Know why? Because there's this place called Orange Julius and they make these orange smoothie things. Betcha' didn't know that didja? Huh? Huh? I'll bet that's why they named their orange snake Julius.
My wasp jeebie came to fruition this past weekend. Was out back trimming bushes with some hedge trimmers. The weekend before, my electric trimmers went kaput so I was doing it the old fashioned way. (Thank God) So I'm walking all around this thorny ass rose bush, it's about 106 degrees in the shade, hot and sweaty and pissed off that this 20 minute job with electric trimmers is now an hour in with the manual pair. I'm bent down to get a low limb and this F-18 dive bombs me from about 9,000 feet. Big reddish/black one with a 3" stinger that glistened in the sun. He hits my back over my left shoulder. Instinctively...I go full tard and somehow flail wildly with my right hand (That's now holding the trimmers) to slap this monster from my back.
I have no earthly idea how it happened but I apparently took the handle end of the trimmer and knocked the holy bejeezus out of my right cheek bone. Thought I was going to pass out but managed to stay awake so I could speak loudly in tongues. I knew my yardwork was over. You know how you injure yourself and more than anything, you dread looking in the mirror to see what the damage really is? I was bleeding slightly but it appeared someone had surgically implanted an egg under my skin on my right cheek. Iced it down but but all week I've been sporting this really keen black eye.
I fricking HATE wasps!!!!
I honestly have no idea what movie your post came from.His head movies.
His head movies.
(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTnhrs1viRwi_8z7_c1441mwpBPCoa0eK85WPa9aq9zVEPrJBVo)
Heart attack. I just had one.
Had to bring this back to life for this. In Florida a man set up a camera by a 3 foot tall by 2 foot wide yellow jacket hive. The popping sound you hear is the yellow jackets hitting the camera.This would make me run naked down the highway faster than Jagermeister does.
http://youtu.be/o-eHL05fvu4 (http://youtu.be/o-eHL05fvu4)
Had to bring this back to life for this. In Florida a man set up a camera by a 3 foot tall by 2 foot wide yellow jacket hive. The popping sound you hear is the yellow jackets hitting the camera.
http://youtu.be/o-eHL05fvu4 (http://youtu.be/o-eHL05fvu4)
So...how did this dude actually set up this camera?
At night?Or, he rolled a really gigantic joint and smoked them out and they went to White Castle.
That just needsa gallon of gasolinenapalm to rain down on it. :sad:
That just needs a gallon of gasoline to rain down on it. :sad:10,000 likes!
Quicksand
Saw this article and immediately thought of the Heebie Jeebies thread from the way-back time machine. I say again...Fuck a wasp....and Fuck some bees. news of foxdot I am a gay twerker that has no balls!!!! I also have no idea how to use the quote function to post stories, so I annoy the piss out of others. I like male genatalia in and around my mouth.Seems like he would be the dead one - stoopid leftcoasters
RIVERSIDE, Calif. – A construction worker is dead after he was stung by bees that swarmed a Southern California construction site, Riverside Battalion Chief Tony Perna said.
Three construction workers were stung Monday morning when a contractor grading a parking lot struck an underground sprinkler control vault that housed a bee hive, Perna said.
Workers say the bees began swarming and the crew panicked and started to run. Two men covered their faces with their hands and rolled on the ground and a third swatted at bees with a vest.
One of the men had an allergic reaction and died after being transported to a hospital in critical condition.
The deceased worker was not immediately identified.
Saw this article and immediately thought of the Heebie Jeebies thread from the way-back time machine. I say again...fudge a wasp....and fudge some bees. news of foxdot I am a gay twerker that has no balls!!!! I also have no idea how to use the quote function to post stories, so I annoy the piss out of others. I like male genatalia in and around my mouth.
RIVERSIDE, Calif. – A construction worker is dead after he was stung by bees that swarmed a Southern California construction site, Riverside Battalion Chief Tony Perna said.
Three construction workers were stung Monday morning when a contractor grading a parking lot struck an underground sprinkler control vault that housed a bee hive, Perna said.
Workers say the bees began swarming and the crew panicked and started to run. Two men covered their faces with their hands and rolled on the ground and a third swatted at bees with a vest.
One of the men had an allergic reaction and died after being transported to a hospital in critical condition.
The deceased worker was not immediately identified.