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The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread

Tiger Wench

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The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« on: April 04, 2012, 10:30:43 AM »
Well, bitches, the most frustrating time of the year for me is back.  Football is so close I can taste it in the air, but not quite.  Basketball sucks, so that's out.  Golf on TV puts me to sleep.  So all that leaves is baseball.

I love baseball.  I learned at an early age to keep score the old fashioned way, with a pencil and a scorebook, and I was hooked.  It's a thinking man's game, requiring an appreciation of the nuance behind the strategy.  It's team versus team, but also man versus man every time a new player steps into the batter's box to face the man on the mound.

One would think that I would be giddy as a school girl on Opening Day.  And not so long ago, you would have been right.  A fresh start, hopes for the post season, everybody has a chance.  Maybe this is our year, the hell with the curse, that young phenom from the minors is gonna be a star...

And then I wake up and remember that I am an Astros fan.

And that we have a new owner of shady character, with no real baseball experience, one who cannot be any cheaper than Drayton McClain in terms of spending money to rebuild the team, but who also seems to be of uncertain financial means.

And that Carlos Lee is still on the team, still drawing his over priced and undeserved paycheck.

And that our farm system is so lackluster, and sucks so much ass, that we may never have a pipeline again.

And that the word is that at least two thirds of the infield positions and at least one outfield position are going to be platooned, because we do not have a a single player in any of those positions who has shown himself to be a playmaker, a complete package, who even has the fundamental baseball skills necessary top play an entire game at one position (see comment about about suckass farm system).

And that it doesn't really matter if they platoon anyway, because when I look at the Opening Day roster, I recognize maybe, MAYBE, three names.

Yet for at least a moment today, I will pause and offer up a silent prayer that things are not as bad as they seem, that all the worry will be for naught, that these young, inexperienced players will take their shot at the Big Show seriously and go out and try to prove all the naysayers wrong.  That the next A-Rod or Jeter or Hamilton is out there waiting make a difference.

And then I remember again that I am an Astros fan.

Fuck me.
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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2012, 10:44:06 AM »
At least you only have one more year of facing Pujols in the NL Central..

Oh wait.  Nevermind.

I hope everytime you face that fuck next year, your manager puts a bounty on him that is so severe, it gets the Astros banned in every sports league, up to and including the NHL and the WNBA.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2012, 10:56:03 AM »
Since the Braves made very few moves in the off season after that epic finish last year...I have been sporadically checking on them this spring.  Started off like warmed over cat turds but played a little over .500 the second half.  Just checked the roster to see who they acquired to take Chipper's place while on the DL.  And they got.....drum roll...somebody named Juan Ramon Francisco...or something like that.  Career minor league piece of shiot from what I can tell.  Oh, but the good news is I noticed they picked up 147 year old, Livan Hernandez to bolster that pitching staff.

I don't recall being less excited about the start of a Braves season.  They may come out of the gate kicking ass but after last season's collosal collapse and no real moves in the off season....
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Buzz Killington

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2012, 10:58:51 AM »
When I read that my Cubs hired Theo Epstein, my first thought was "this is finally the year."  Over the course of teh last few months though, I have seen typical Cubs personnel moves, and the hiring of Dale Sveum.  Really?  Dale Sveum?  How the hell do you even pronounce that?  All of which lead me to the same conclusion that I have come to for the last 15 Aprils...they're still shitty.

At least they hit the free-agent market hard and got a known commodity for 1st base in Pujols Fielder Bryan LaHair.

Yeah, I'm pumped.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

Snaggletiger

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2012, 11:05:41 AM »
When I read that my Cubs hired Theo Epstein, my first thought was "this is finally the year."  Over the course of teh last few months though, I have seen typical Cubs personnel moves, and the hiring of Dale Sveum.  Really?  Dale Sveum?  How the hell do you even pronounce that?  All of which lead me to the same conclusion that I have come to for the last 15 Aprils...they're still shitty.

At least they hit the free-agent market hard and got a known commodity for 1st base in Pujols Fielder Bryan LaHair.

Yeah, I'm pumped.

I still have the vivid memory of this hot babe in college I met one night.  Last time I saw her, she was smiling with my sveum dripping from her chin.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

GH2001

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2012, 12:50:25 PM »
TW - I would tell you to convert to the Bravos (like I have the last 3 years) but if the regular season is anything like the Spring Training season, then the Bravos will have as much suckage as the Astros. At least we can all suffer together.  :facepalm:
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Tiger Wench

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2012, 01:47:29 PM »
Oh, but the good news is I noticed they picked up 147 year old, Livan Hernandez to bolster that pitching staff.

The Astros cut him... not sure if that means we are that fucking stupid for cutting him or y'all are that fucking stupid for signing him.

Either way...

:facepalm:
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Tiger Wench

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2012, 01:48:30 PM »
TW - I would tell you to convert to the Bravos (like I have the last 3 years) but if the regular season is anything like the Spring Training season, then the Bravos will have as much suckage as the Astros. At least we can all suffer together.  :facepalm:

I was a Braves fan my whole life until ten years ago when I moved to Houston.  You gotta support the hometown team.

Either way, they both are gonna suck so not much difference...
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Snaggletiger

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2012, 01:54:37 PM »
Now that I have relatives in Houston, I have a reason to get out to a Suckastros game.  Question...weren't they considering a name change to the Colt 45's or something like that?  Is that happening?
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2012, 02:41:48 PM »
Now that I have relatives in Houston, I have a reason to get out to a Suckastros game.  Question...weren't they considering a name change to the Colt 45's or something like that?  Is that happening?

The bar in center field doesn't shut down until 1 hour after the last out.

They also don't mind if you cheer for the Cards, and Jim Edmonds his a 3 run shot in the top of the first, ruining the shutout.
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Token

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2012, 05:56:18 PM »
I'm stoked to see Tyler Pastornickaliaus get a chance at short.  Plus, Prado, McCann, Heyward and Uggs had good at-bats during spring training. 

Although, I am concerned by the lack of LHP in the starting rotation, and the fact that the Braves apparently had an extra 1.2 million to blow and spent it on that fat fucking homerun machine, Livan Hernandez.  If he isn't optioned to the Mississippi Braves, I'll be pissed.  Of course, it better be after April 22 as I'm going to see the MS Braves take on the BHam Barrons that day.  I'll be pissed if I have to watch that fat fuck in person. 
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Tiger Wench

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2012, 12:04:04 AM »
Now that I have relatives in Houston, I have a reason to get out to a Suckastros game.  Question...weren't they considering a name change to the Colt 45's or something like that?  Is that happening?

That was their original name WAY back in the day, before they were renamed Astros to reflect Houston's contribution to the space program.  I do think that I heard the new owner talking for about 30 seconds about changing the name back to the Colt45s since the NASA influence is pretty much gone out here with the end of the space shuttle program.  However, local backlash was swift and negative, and he shut up pretty damn quick.

As much as I disliked Uncle Drayton, I am VERY wary of the new guy too.  Just not too sure about him.  Time will tell.
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GH2001

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2012, 02:32:56 PM »
I was a Braves fan my whole life until ten years ago when I moved to Houston.  You gotta support the hometown team.

Either way, they both are gonna suck so not much difference...

Unfortunately, this is true.
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AUChizad

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2012, 08:02:03 PM »
I am watching the 16th goddamn inning of this Jays game, which has turned into literally the longest opening day game in MLB history.
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AUTiger1

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2012, 11:12:54 AM »
Wait, what is this baseball thing of which you speak? 

Two weeks we will rightfully take our places and not look back.
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Courage is only fear holding on a minute longer.--George S. Patton

There are gonna be days when you lay your guts on the line and you come away empty handed, there ain't a damn thing you can do about it but go back out there and lay em on the line again...and again, and again! -- Coach Pat Dye

It isn't that liberals are ignorant. It's just they know so much that isn't so. --Ronald Reagan

Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #15 on: April 06, 2012, 11:20:37 AM »
I am watching the 16th goddamn inning of this Jays game, which has turned into literally the longest opening day game in MLB history.

Then maybe they burn the pen this weekend, and he gets called up next week!
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Snaggletiger

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2012, 09:40:16 AM »
Swept by the Mets.  Fanfickintastic!!!  When's the last time the Braves won a regular season game? 
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

GH2001

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2012, 10:40:30 AM »
Swept by the Mets.  Fanfickintastic!!!  When's the last time the Braves won a regular season game?

When Sid Bream slid his slow dumpy pear shaped ass across homeplate.
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Buzz Killington

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2012, 10:50:05 AM »
Well, it looks like I don't have to wait until June May to give up this year...so. there's that.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

AWK

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Re: The Official 2012 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2012, 10:51:28 AM »
0 - 3.  At least they aren't going to let me get my hopes up this year...it's nice of them. 
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Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall said, "Guys don't mind hitting Michael Vick in the open field, but when you see Cam, you have to think about how you're going to tackle him. He's like a big tight end coming at you."