Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

Dark Knight Rising

Second. Viewing. 

Liked it the second time much better than the first. 

Saw my name spraypainted on a wall prior to the police/horde clash. Like this: KAO$. I like that. 

Still some misses, but much more satisfied with the overall result.  Except perhaps the cliched and cornball last five minutes. 

Theater was full.  Some parts got audible reactions (positive) but there was no clapping and cheering like there was for Avengers. 

Definitely watch it though. 

[Townhallsavoy]

Dark Knight Rising

Second. Viewing. 

Liked it the second time much better than the first. 

Saw my name spraypainted on a wall prior to the police/horde clash. Like this: KAO$. I like that. 

Still some misses, but much more satisfied with the overall result.  Except perhaps the cliched and cornball last five minutes. 

Theater was full.  Some parts got audible reactions (positive) but there was no clapping and cheering like there was for Avengers. 

Definitely watch it though.

I didn't like it. 

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS


DON'T READ ANY MORE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT. 





SPOILERS



WHY ARE YOU STILL READING?

Ok...the review:

It wasn't horrible.  It was pretty good.  However, after the first two, I expected much, much better.  Ending the trilogy should have been legendary.  Hell, everything Nolan has ever made - except Inception which was still a good movie - is in my top twenty of all time. 

But this?  This was a total let down.  I left the movie with so many questions - not about the plot because who could really care about it? - about bad lines, bad writing, and bad decisions. 

Here they are.  Answer if you can.  I may like it better:

1.  Who the fuck is Catwoman?  We know she's trying to get away from Bane for something.  Not sure what.  We know he wants to kill her.  But he never does, and if there's one thing it seems that Bane can do well, it's find and kill people. 

2. How does one survive a nuclear blast?  No suit of armor or aircraft or magic League of Shadows dust can save someone from a direct shot of a nuclear bomb.  So either the writing was terrible with the ending OR Batman got out. 

And if he got out, then that ruins everything the movie was building with Batman, Bruce, and his love for Gotham. 

The movie should have ended with his sacrifice.  But it didn't.  And since it didn't, that means Bruce ejected from the plane that was - as stated THREE times - erratic and unreliable with its autopilot.  So Bruce cared more about his life than Gotham because if the plane was on autopilot, he ran the risk of it still destroying Gotham, which was stated by Lucius Fox earlier in the movie. 

3.  Robin.  Are you fucking kidding me?  ROBIN?  Robin is one of the lamest characters of all time.  He should have been written out a long time ago, and I thought Nolan was finally doing the world a justice and deleting him from the lore.  But no.  He had to show up.  Except now he's not just Robin.  He's Batman Robin.  Even better.  Robin completely takes over Batman's role.  Thank God we won't see a fourth movie made with that homosexuality. 

4.  The plot twist.  (WARNING BIG SPOILER).  Talia.  Ok, isn't Talia supposed to love Bruce Wayne?  Like an unending, obsessive, everlasting love for Bruce and the type of love that pushes her to destroy shit just to be with him for eternity? 

Anyways, back to the movie.  You don't use the side character that seems to have very little to do with the overall plot.  That's not who you use for the plot twist.  I didn't give a shit about Miranda except that she had big boobs (and why did Bruce sleep with her?  What did that contribute to the movie?).  So when suddenly she's the main villain, I lost interest. 

Even though it would have been worse from a plot point of view, conventional writing would have had Catwoman be Talia.  That would at least explain her superhuman skills. 

5.  Alfred.  Where did Alfred go?  I thought they were setting up Alfred to die.  He was Bruce's new father.  That was a big part of the beginning.  But Alfred just disappeared.  Then came back to cry.  Then went to a restaurant to be happy.

6.  That's the biggest complaint of the movie.  The emotional rollercoaster - and not in a good way.  Nolan killed Batman.  But he didn't!  Bane is a maniacal, unstoppable killing machine who Batman must stop!  Nope!  Just a "protector" of Ghul's daughter (by the way, Ghul's immortal without a mention of the Lazarus Pit).  Alfred's super sad because he let Bruce Wayne down.  No, he's still alive and happy with Catwoman! 

7.  How the fuck did Bruce Wayne get back into Gotham?  He's stuck in a prison buried deep within some Arabian desert and gets out. Hurray!  My first question after this was, "Wow.  How's he going to get back into the city with the bridges out, the tunnels blocked, and the military guarding anyone from coming and going? 

Oh, welp, he got in just fine.  In fact, walked right up to where Catwoman was using an apple to whip two dude's asses. 

Now, before you think I absolutely hated it, I didn't.  I really didn't.  It was a good, exciting blockbuster superhero comic book movie.  But Nolan was supposed to do more than that.  This was ordinary.  Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were legendary.

SPOILERS UP TOP.  DON'T RISK IT!  I even quoted it twice to make it more difficult to read. 

[Catphish Tilly]

The movie should have ended with his sacrifice.  But it didn't.  And since it didn't, that means Bruce ejected from the plane that was - as stated THREE times - erratic and unreliable with its autopilot.  So Bruce cared more about his life than Gotham because if the plane was on autopilot, he ran the risk of it still destroying Gotham, which was stated by Lucius Fox earlier in the movie.

The autopilot was fixed with a software patch 6 months earlier.

Other than that, agreed on most points... plus a few other things.

[Kaos]

Magic Mike

Expected to hate it or be bored.  Didn't and wasn't. 

It tried to be deep but was actually pretty shallow.  I saw no weiners.  I saw Olivia Munn's unimpressive -- totally unimpressive -- titties. 

I also saw Matthew McBongohey do a gratuitous strip routine while a KISS song blared from the soundtrack.  Loved that part.  McBongohey oozed sleaze as only he can and helped elevate this film from total dreck.

It's not going to win any awards. The problem with the film was that it addressed a controversial topic but failed to take any risks.  It wasn't nearly as on the edge as I anticipated.   

[Townhallsavoy]

The autopilot was fixed with a software patch 6 months earlier.

Someone told me about that yesterday, which actually made me a bit more angry.  If it was fixed, then the line delivery was quick and seemingly unimportant.  Also if it was fixed, then the two times they discussed the ineffectiveness of the autopilot served absolutely zero purpose. 

[wesfau2]

I also saw Matthew McBongohey do a gratuitous strip routine while a KISS song blared from the soundtrack.  Loved that part.

From the guy who called me gay for liking Ryan Gosling's movies.

[Godfather]

From the guy who called me gay for liking Ryan Gosling's movies.

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Magic Mike

Expected to hate it or be bored.  Didn't and wasn't. 

It tried to be deep but was actually pretty shallow.  I saw no weiners.  I saw Olivia Munn's unimpressive -- totally unimpressive -- titties. 

I also saw Matthew McBongohey do a gratuitous strip routine while a KISS song blared from the soundtrack.  Loved that part.  McBongohey oozed sleaze as only he can and helped elevate this film from total dreck.

It's not going to win any awards. The problem with the film was that it addressed a controversial topic but failed to take any risks.  It wasn't nearly as on the edge as I anticipated.

Wife and I were on date night and this was the only movie not sold out that didn't start at midnight.  I went thinking it would pay off dividends later .  The wife was dissapointed, she thought it was going to be some kind of romantic comedy WITH STRIPPERS! but it turned out to try to be "Boogie Nights" WITH STRIPPERS! and not very good acting, or writing, or dialogue.  But WITH STRIPPERS!

[Kaos]

Wife and I were on date night and this was the only movie not sold out that didn't start at midnight.  I went thinking it would pay off dividends later .  The wife was dissapointed, she thought it was going to be some kind of romantic comedy WITH STRIPPERS! but it turned out to try to be "Boogie Nights" WITH STRIPPERS! and not very good acting, or writing, or dialogue.  But WITH STRIPPERS!

I think he meant it to be the Saturday Night Fever for this generation.  But it turned out to be more Showgirls than Jive Talkin' 

For Wes some clarification:   

Liking Ryan Gosling = Super homo

Appreciating the sleaziness of a Matthew McBongohey performance in a non romcom role with the backbeat of a song from the greatest American rock band of all time roaring from the speakers? =  American male nirvana

[Buzz Killington]

We laughed last weekend as we went into the movies.  I actually talked the wife into seeing Ted with me.
Never before in America have men lined up to see a movie about a teddy bear, while the women waited in droves to see a movie about strippers.

[AU_Tiger_2000]

We laughed last weekend as we went into the movies.  I actually talked the wife into seeing Ted with me.
Never before in America have men lined up to see a movie about a teddy bear, while the women waited in droves to see a movie about strippers.

While we were waiting for the movie to start  I counted all the guys in the room.  There were two, including myself.  What was really awkward was the other dude looked to be about 16 and was there with his girlfriend and what had to either be his or his girlfriend's mother.

[Kaos]

While we were waiting for the movie to start  I counted all the guys in the room.  There were two, including myself.  What was really awkward was the other dude looked to be about 16 and was there with his girlfriend and what had to either be his or his girlfriend's mother.

Only one other guy in the movie where I was.  Mid to late 50s.  Long hair.  Weighed about 320.  And was alone. 

There were two bridal parties with their tiaras and "Bitch getting married!" buttons and sashes.  Bride and bridesmaids.  Most drunk (or pretending to be so they could get loud).  At least one glittery pimp cup.

That was fun at least. 

[Buzz Killington]

At least one glittery pimp cup.

Congrats to Prowler!  I had no idea he was getting married.

[Kaos]

Congrats to Prowler!  I had no idea he was getting married.

I'd come closer to fucking Prowler than the gorilla bride with the pimp cup.  She had one or two bridesmaids that were just barely borderline decent.  And that was with the lights down. 

[Godfather]

Liking Ryan Gosling = Super homo

Appreciating the sleaziness of a Matthew McBongohey performance in a non romcom role with the backbeat of a song from the greatest American rock band of all time roaring from the speakers? =  American male nirvana

The fact you saw this movie is evidence enough.

[Kaos]

The fact you saw this movie is evidence enough.

I'll watch almost any movie. 

[Godfather]

I'll watch almost any movie.

You can't veto, sorry judgement has been made.  While Wes's statement for Gosling was ghey, your statement coupled with the watching of the movie was ghey-er.  Plus he nailed you on it.  Jury please strike the plaintiffs last comments from the record.

[Kaos]

You can't veto, sorry judgement has been made.  While Wes's statement for Gosling was ghey, your statement coupled with the watching of the movie was ghey-er.  Plus he nailed you on it.  Jury please strike the plaintiffs last comments from the record.

Your definition of nailage needs work. 

[Godfather]

Your definition of nailage needs work.

as does your definition of pwnd.  It sucks, I know, deal with it and move on.

[Shug Dye]

as does your definition of pwnd. 

K, you need some money? Don't go to those Pwn shops, man...they will rip you off.
Unless you want to pwn some shit signed  by Michael Dyer.


I pwnd some stuff once....never did get it back.