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Never, Ever, Ever....

Snaggletiger

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Never, Ever, Ever....
« on: December 13, 2023, 10:25:15 AM »
Last night, Snagette went to a restaurant for a Christmas dinner with some of her cohorts from work.  Later on that night, I’m walking through the kitchen, and see a to-go box, which naturally draws the attention of my more than ample sized ass.  I open it to find what appears to be some form of delectable desert, possibly in the cheese cake family.  Well, Daddy needs a pinch of that goodness.  I break off a piece and quickly slam it in my hatch.

Before I can finish one chew, warning bells sound and alarms go off.  Without a touch, the water in the sink instinctively comes on, fully aware of my approach in order to expel the vile weed from my body, and hopefully save my own life.

The police are still holding Snagette for questioning.  All the evidence points to her intent to poison me; however, at the very least, she is guilty of gross negligence in leaving a tempting food substance in clear view, that contained….COCONUT!!! I am drawing up divorce papers as soon as I fully recover.

What’s that one food, or foods that shall never enter your pie-hole? 
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2023, 10:51:03 AM »
Last night, Snagette went to a restaurant for a Christmas dinner with some of her cohorts from work.  Later on that night, I’m walking through the kitchen, and see a to-go box, which naturally draws the attention of my more than ample sized ass.  I open it to find what appears to be some form of delectable desert, possibly in the cheese cake family.  Well, Daddy needs a pinch of that goodness.  I break off a piece and quickly slam it in my hatch.

Before I can finish one chew, warning bells sound and alarms go off.  Without a touch, the water in the sink instinctively comes on, fully aware of my approach in order to expel the vile weed from my body, and hopefully save my own life.

The police are still holding Snagette for questioning.  All the evidence points to her intent to poison me; however, at the very least, she is guilty of gross negligence in leaving a tempting food substance in clear view, that contained….COCONUT!!! I am drawing up divorce papers as soon as I fully recover.

What’s that one food, or foods that shall never enter your pie-hole?

Strawberries are very welcome to stay the hell away from me.  When I was a wee little lad I was eating a bag of them while also coming down with a stomach flu.  I threw up strawberries for the next 24 hours and have refused eating them ever since. 

I do, however, love me some coconut.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Buzz Killington

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2023, 10:54:41 AM »
Coconut is also it for me. Hate, hate, hate the texture.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

Kaos

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2023, 11:15:19 AM »
Coconut flavor?  Yes.

The taste of coconut tanning lotion licked off the neck and stomach of a ..... nevermind.....   but YES, yes, yes!

Actual coconut strings?  Nope.  Never. 
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2023, 11:25:58 AM »
Exactly.  It's not the flavor.  It's the texture that instantly causes a gag reflex.  Coconut flavor in drinks etc. is okay.  But the texture, and the fact that I'll be crunching and going "thp" for the next two hours....
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Snaggletiger

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2023, 11:37:07 AM »
Strawberries are very welcome to stay the hell away from me.  When I was a wee little lad I was eating a bag of them while also coming down with a stomach flu.  I threw up strawberries for the next 24 hours and have refused eating them ever since. 

I do, however, love me some coconut.

I think that happens to most people with a certain food, and obviously some drinks.  Mine is creamed corn.  I love corn, on the cob, or niblets.  But the thought of creamed corn brings back that time as a kid, that I got sick, and it was the creamed corn that I had with supper that seemed to be the only thing I was hurling.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2023, 01:15:18 PM »
Ranch dressing.
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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2023, 01:20:48 PM »
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

The Six

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2023, 01:21:24 PM »
Ass to mouth
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"I'm sick of following my dreams...I'm just going to ask them where they are going and hook up with 'em later." - Mitch Hedberg

wesfau2

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2023, 01:40:37 PM »
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

CCTAU

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2023, 02:02:58 PM »
Ass to mouth
This is not the route we were on...
Recalculating....
Recalculating...
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

CCTAU

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2023, 02:04:42 PM »
I don't mind most foods. Coconut is fine.

Liver and onions is a no from me. However, I would not starve if that was all there was.

My fat ass will not be starving to death due to unwillingness to eat, ever.
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2023, 03:03:55 PM »
Ass to mouth

You never go ass to mouth.
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Kaos

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2023, 03:39:27 PM »
You never go ass to mouth.

I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you there....
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

jmar

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2023, 06:33:03 PM »
I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you there....
I'm trying not to think of dingleberries but go right ahead if you must. 
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Kaos

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2023, 06:52:30 PM »
I'm trying not to think of dingleberries but go right ahead if you must.

It has to be washed. Like a vegetable.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

War Damn Six

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2023, 08:13:38 PM »
There is nothing that is a hard no. Obviously none of you have ever been hungry or in the field at NTC. 

Pussies.  Wes gets a pass as a little person. Adam, you get a bit of a pass as an Air Force puss.

WT, you get no pass.
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2023, 10:14:26 PM »
There is nothing that is a hard no. Obviously none of you have ever been hungry or in the field at NTC. 

I’d rather starve than eat potatoes all rotten in an MRE.
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GH2001

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Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2023, 10:36:25 PM »
Green Olives - they smell like feet. Bad stinky feet. They just gross me out. I can handle black olives minced up on a supreme pizza but green olives can go die in a fire.

Beef Liver - the texture. I just can’t. Organ meat, that’s a no for me dog.

Chitterlings - they literally smell like shit. Well, because…you know. Popular during a time when folks did without and had to get by. Eat or die. Now is not that time. There are better options. I just don’t get it.

Blue Cheese- glorified mold.


Pretty game for almost anything else. Not many fruits or veggies I won’t eat. Even love most mushrooms.
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WDE

Re: Never, Ever, Ever....
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2023, 10:39:29 PM »
I’d rather starve than eat potatoes all rotten in an MRE.

I’ll go to the local surplus store for a Chili Mac one, though.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.