Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
Pat Dye Field => War Damn Eagle => Topic started by: AUChizad on February 20, 2012, 10:41:56 AM
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It's desperate and creepy.
http://blogs.ajc.com/recruiting/2012/02/18/alabamas-nick-saban-mails-atlanta-rb-105-recruiting-letters-in-one-day/ (http://blogs.ajc.com/recruiting/2012/02/18/alabamas-nick-saban-mails-atlanta-rb-105-recruiting-letters-in-one-day/)
Alabama’s Nick Saban mails 105 recruiting letters in ONE DAY to Atlanta RB
6:36 pm February 18, 2012, by Michael Carvell
Alabama’s Nick Saban is considered by some to be the “hardest working man” in the recruiting biz.
The postmaster of Tuscaloosa, Ala., might be next after Nick.
Alabama made national headlines when it mailed 105 recruiting letters in a day to a running back from Atlanta this week, Norcross High School junior Alvin Kamara.
Usually, Saban puts stamps on only about 4-6 letters per day to Kamara.
“Yeah, I got home and they were failing out of my mailbox,” Kamara said. “It was crazy but I liked it.”
Atlanta RB Alvin Kamara holds his bouquet of 105 Alabama recruiting letters (while wearing shorts with UGA logo)
(http://blogs.ajc.com/recruiting/files/2012/02/Alvin-Kamara-9.jpg)
Atlanta RB Alvin Kamara holds his bouquet of 105 Alabama recruiting letters in ONE DAY -- while wearing shorts with UGA logo (Photo courtesy of Kamara family)
It was yet another creative and innovative recruiting tactic by Saban, who finished with the nation’s No. 1 recruiting class for 2012 earlier this month.
What’s really amazing about Alabama’s 105-letter bombardment to Kamara is that – while he has yet to finish opening them all up – none of dozens he has already ripped into are duplicates. Each letter has a new message or selling point about Alabama’s football dynasty.
“It’s cool when a school shows that much interest in you,” Kamara said. “It definitely caught my attention. But they’re not my favorite college yet or anything like that. I just thought it was cool they’re showing me that much attention.”
One last note: Many UGA fans have pointed out that in the photo taken of Kamara holding his bouquet of 105 Alabama letters, he just so happened to be wearing shorts with a UGA logo.
“It was a coincidence and nothing more than that,” Kamara said with a laugh. “Everybody has been blowing it up about that, saying ‘Oh, that could be a sign he’s going to Georgia.’ It was nothing like that. I just happened to have those shorts on at that time. I don’t even have a Top 5 list of schools yet.”
The 5-foot-10, 195-pound Kamara has around a dozen early offers, including UGA, Clemson, Vanderbilt, Tennessee, Mississippi State and Maryland. Kamara was virtually unknown until proving himself to be one of the top players in a junior all-star game in December. Kamara was considered “the fastest player in pads” at the game, with one scout saying “0 to 60 mph in a few steps.”
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I was going to open my letters but I got high.
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If Chiz did this, there would be 3 weeks of Finebaum callers guffawing at how desperate Auburn is, and how we have to stoop to silly gimmicks to get recruits.
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It would have been too hard to clean up the kitchen or put a shirt on before that picture was taken...
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If Chiz did this, there would be 3 weeks of Finebaum callers guffawing at how desperate Auburn is, and how we have to stoop to silly gimmicks to get recruits.
...not to mention the daily emails from Evan Woodberry to the NCAA to check and see if this is some kind of infraction.
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It would have been too hard to clean up the kitchen or put a shirt on before that picture was taken...
His auntie made him do it.
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"The equivalent to texting a girl 105 times in one day, (saying that you want her bad)".....when you already have a girlfriend named Al Tennpenny.
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When I first heard this story, I assumed it was an innocent error in their recruiting department.
They purposefully did this?
What's worse is that this type of shit works?
"Yeah, well, you know, Alabama, know what I'm saying, they sent me 105 letters. Auburn only sent me, you know, like 45, so I'm gone go to Alabama. Roll Tide."
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When I first heard this story, I assumed it was an innocent error in their recruiting department.
They purposefully did this?
What's worse is that this type of shit works?
"Yeah, well, you know, Alabama, know what I'm saying, they sent me 105 letters. Auburn only sent me, you know, like 45, so I'm gone go to Alabama. Roll Tide."
Each one, if I recall from the story, was a unique message or selling point on bammer. I don't know if l'il nickie signed each one or not. But, as stated, when Sabear does it, he's the hardest working crooter in football, when Chiz does it, Auburn is desperate , cheesy, or cheating.
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We can have some fun with this....
Letter #1
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Alabama has one of the most unique cheers in the country. "Roll Tide" is an expression that means "Fuck you" "Go to hell" and "Fuck yeah."
We hope you will consider this when making your college choice.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #2
Dear Alvin Kamara,
We at Alabama value class, which is why we sing "Rammer Jammer" after every football victory. It lets the other schools know that at Alabama, we have class while at their school, they have losses. It lets everyone know that order is restored.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #3
Dear Alvin Kamara,
As a wise woman once said, "We bowlin' baby!" Keep these words of wisdom in the front of your mind when making your college choice.
Signed,
Nick Saban
PS. - That wise woman is also a fine kisser.
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Letter #4
Dear Alvin Kamara,
If you choose Alabama, I will let you suck my dick.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #5
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Do you a fan of Dodge or Chevrolet?
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #6
Dear Alvin Kamara,
(http://www.carinsurancecomparison.com/Images/Chevy-Camaro-Bumblebee.jpg)
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #7
Dear Alving Kamata,
What is you inseam? Never mind...theres plenty of time to measure that out.
Signed,
Tom Al-Betar
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Letter #8
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Does the hooker we purchased you your girlfriend need money a job?
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #9
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Does your mom need a house sitting gig, say in Mtn. Brook?
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #10
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Do you have any priors such as drug arrest, domestic disputes or any traffic violations? If so, not a problem.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #11
Dear Alvin Kamara,
If you come to Alabama, you can screw and beat these girls all you want.
(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSL3ZpP6xpyHGRUGhSjQU9-GZoiYryyGTwaHr2nq0NKh-M3ZeiAVlWBVQ)
Their daddy will just give you a "Roll Tide" while taking them to the hospital.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #12
Want to experience eternal glory? Come to Alabama, get a tombstone right next to the Bear.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #13
Sure, you could go anywhere and autograph big titties, but at Alabama, you'll brand your name onto the infants of the Tide Faithful.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #14
Have you seen this picture of one of Auburn's players?
(http://simg.sportsbybrooks.com/f/3/f3898e93fd1e7be103083a3e789f1bf0_auburnganggun.jpg)
Yeah they gave him that wad and the gat and that was it.
Here in Tuscaloosa we call that every Monday morning.
And our guns are better.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #15
Seriously, what else are you waiting for? Long-lasting fame? We have those here. Hell, we write books about teams that didn't win rings here.
Sign with us and you'll never buy your meal in a Waffle House again. I guarantee it.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #16
Don't worry about the two RBs signed last class, aight....or the two that have already committed for the next signing class, aight.
You have the best film that I've seen, aight...Even if you don't have a scholarship available, I promise you that I'll hold one for you the next year
...I mean, you'll get paid no matter if you sign with us this upcoming class or the next, aight. I'm a man of my word, aight.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #17
Dear Alvin Kamara,
#winning is the only thing that matters to me and to the fans we have. Even when we don't win, we act like spoiled brats until we convince people that we deserve another shot or we convince people to forget the alleged losses. That's what winners do, Alvin. They win and slap their balls on people in victory. When they lose, they make Expletive sure the other team can't enjoy it and therefore, by proxy, win again.
No team ever beats Alabama. We are so awesome that on occassion, we beat ourselves but even there, we still are winners because we beat ourselves. Get it?
Fax over that letter and let's get some #winning started.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #18
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Should you choose to become our first commitment for 2013, we would like to remind you that this is 100% a one-way deal. Should I discover that you so much as eye-fuck another school, I will smite thee with great vengeance. However, after I inevitably sign nearly double the allotted scholarships allowed, your commitment will automatically be transferred from first to 26th. We will have wanted you, but if only you had committed earlier, you may have made the cut. Please remain committed to the Crimson Tide until your eligibility runs out so that we never have to face you on an opposing sideline. Enclosed is an IOU I wrote on a napkin. As you can see, it reads "IOU 1 scholarship, for realz. Redeemable some time, I promise, just hold your damn patience, aaight?"
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #19
Dear Alvin Kamara,
At Alabama, we pride ourselves in being the only school in the NCAA with any goddamn tr'dition. We know this to be true, because should a rival school partake in an actual tradition (one unlike our skewed definition of the word), we will see to it that one of our redneck brethren will poison that motherfucker until it is dead.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #20
Dear Alvin Kamara,
While those "other guys" believe in "work. Hard work," if you come to Alabama, you will be given accolades and opportunities that you in no way deserve, simply because we are Alabama. Just ask worst Heisman Trophy winner of all time, Mark Ingram. Or the entire 2012 "Do-Over" National Champions.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #21
Dear Alvin Kamara,
For a continuation of these and other selling points as to why the University of Alabama is the greatest goddamn institution on earth, listen to my Minister of Propaganda on his regular radio program, the Paul Finebaum Radio Network, weekdays from 2-6 on WJOX.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #22
Dear Alvin Kamara,
How bout now?
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #23
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Just so you know, there is a Chick-Fil-A located in the University Mall, right next to T-Town Menswear. Join Tom Albetar for lunch on him in his back office. Therefore, Clemson < Auburn < Alabama.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Chizad, you're really in to this aren't you?
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Chizad, you're really in to this aren't you?
82 to go. Feel free to pick up some of the slack.
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82 to go. Feel free to pick up some of the slack.
If it hadn't ceased being entertaining...yesterday...I would.
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Letter #24
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Don't get lured in by one of these programs with their fancy-schmancy uniforms. At Alabama, you only need the two colors we provide. And once you wear them, you'll be worshiped forever whether or not you actually ever do anything on the field.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #25
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Got 14? We do! Come be a part of 16-18. Only three you ask? That's because you'll be in the NFL after your junior year. Of course it will be because you are the most dominant athlete at your position and will have nothing to do with your lousy grades or the 3 kids and 2 baby-mamas you need to support.
RTR!
Signed,
Nick Saban
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82 to go. Feel free to pick up some of the slack.
Doing my part.
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If it hadn't ceased being entertaining...yesterday...I would.
You're right, it's better to not contribute to the only active thread in the football forum during the offseason, or better yet, to only contribute to it by bitching about it.
You've fucked this thread up enough, now please exit it.
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You're right, it's better to not contribute to the only active thread in the football forum during the offseason, or better yet, to only contribute to it by bitching about it.
You've fucked this thread up enough, now please exit it.
Oh, I'm not bitching, just making an observation. And I'll post where I please, thanks.
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Uh oh, trouble
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Letter #26
Dear Alvin Kamara,
No one here cares about anything other than football and championships. What about the professors, cops, and chancellors you ask? I own them. If you have trouble with any one but me, you let me know.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #27
Dear Alvin Kamara,
We have way better message boards then those barners and corndogs. We will never talk about you behind your back. Unless you go somewhere else then we will follow and stalk you and make death threats. Not to worry though we know you will make the right decision to come to Alabama. Also we strive endlessly to bury all other football programs by making up accusations and throwing as much poo as necessary to deflect from our own program.
Cheers,
Nick Saban
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Oh, I'm not bitching, just making an observation. And I'll post where I please, thanks.
(http://americaexplained.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/curmudgeon.jpg)
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Letter #28
Dear Alvin Kamara,
At Alabama, you'll find that the NCAA rulebook does not apply to you. I've literally tried to get caught just to see what they'll do, and they continue to refuse to acknowledge my outright defiance. Seriously. Can you believe after all the shit we got for Tom Albetar, that we sanctioned another signing, this time with current players, and our logo and mascot plastered everywhere? Hell, I even showed up so that there could be no mistake that I am allowing this to go on. Meanwhile at our rival institution, if Gene Chizik farts at the urinal, their beat writer (that we allowed the Mobile Press Register to hire) will be there to report on how bad it smells, and will find a way to interpret it as an NCAA violation.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #29
Dear Alvin Kamara,
I've personally ruined the lives/careers of Houston Nutt, Tommy Bowden, Tommy Tuberville, Mark Richt (though he's still hanging on), the coach at Michigan State, Urban Meyer (ran him off to the Big 10+2), and Les Miles. You don't want to get on my bad side. Not that I'm threatening. Or maybe I am. Now fax over that letter!
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #30
Dear Alvin Kamara,
If you even try to sign elsewhere, your high school coach will lose his job, his wife, his house, and one appendage to be determined later. We will send one of the "old school" fraternities to crash your prom.
We are already counting you in the 2013 class. Now just hand over the letter and I'll send a few "packages" of "paper information" for you to "read" at your leisure.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #31
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Did you even read letter #28? Apparently not because I would already have your LOI. Yes, damnit, you can fax it in to me now even though National Signing Day is still a year away for other schools. Again, read Letter #28.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #32
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Have you thought about your college major? Don't worry, we have several assembly line degrees tailored just for star athletes like you. Our graduation rate is very high because we take extra time in making sure these are successful ventures for student athletes such as yourself.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #33
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Don't worry about the depth chart. At Alabama, we don't have a depth chart. Ask any of the beat reporters. They'll tell you.
Come to the Tide. Resistance is futile, Alvin.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Gold, Jerry!
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Letter #34
Dear Alvin Kamara,
In case you still haven't decided, I have attached a couple of references for you. Please feel free to call at any time and talk with them about the University the football program. Be sure to ask what happens when you get too much bama in you.
(https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTftg8h_Pwi1_1ICFSixTuA-suiC72Sz6oVUfSnBGowpH2rd7Jv2g)
(https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ3uIWZWUwjKifEeGc-vmRVG2bSmy-tgOq81BffHTuL6VANbuIC)
(https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTwO5Jusf3pudcydgtHEKTqyLW_eMoe0YonVEfqNbUHaBzWYTqucQ)
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #35
Dear Alvin Kamara,
I am writing on behalf of Nick Saban. You will win a lot of championships if you go to Alabama. I have Nick Saban's soul as a down payment.
Signed,
Lucifer
Lord of Darkness
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Letter #36
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Two words. "House sitter".
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #36
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Two words. "House sitter".
Signed,
Nick Saban
See letter #9. -10 for repeating.
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See letter #9. -10 for repeating.
The repetition was intentional. -20 for interrupting the flow of this thread again.
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Letter #37
Dear Alvin Kamara
What tornadoes
Sincerely,
Lord Saybinz
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Letter #38
Dear Alvin Kamara
Ever had a gum job?
(http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/article/media_slots/photos/000/321/898/faxcamgirl4_original.png?1328123633)
Sincerely,
Nicholas J. Saban
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Damn it's Butthead's sister.
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Letter #39
Yo Alvin Kamara
dont go to the barn or mississipi state. we r the elite team in the league right now. LSU is good, but we're gooder!
later bro,
Trent Richardson
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Letter #40
Dear Alvin Kamara,
If you come to Alabama we will guarantee you a Heisman Trophy. Don't worry if you dont actually win one from the Heisman Trust. We will retroactively award you one 15 years later, and our whole fanbase will claim it as true.
Your Friend,
Wayne Atcheson
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Letter #41
Dear Alvin Kamara,
I am not sure if you got my previous letters. If you want to come to Alabama check yes or no
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Love,
Nick Saban
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Letter #42
Dear Alvin Kamara,
You ever...seen a grown man naked?
Do you...like movies about Gladiators?
Have you ever been...in a Turkish Prison?
Sincerely,
Nick Saban
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Letter #43
'sup al
Tha Buddy' gas be holding' grape white owls, bitch.
Just tell Sabbin that shit be mecidicinal. Yo eyez be bad. It straight. TPD Blue down wit it.
Dre K
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Letter #44
Dear Al
My wife loves this place. She is happier here than she would be if she were being double penetrated by Brad Pitt and George Clooney.
Why wouldn't she love it? You can go to a restaurant on a brown river here. It overlooks a well known gay meeting place, not that there is anything wrong with that. They have a hotel. You can watch 16 movies in the same building. They have a mall built on ground where Burt Reynolds one filmed movie. No. Not Smokey and the Bamdit. No. Not Deliverance. No. Not Boogie Nights. But a movie. You have THREE options for pizza delivery. And don't forget the grease soaked ribs.
You never get lost because every street is named either Bryant or King.
If you like event things like opera, plays, quality golf, concerts, music festivals or really anything at all besides yanking your dick at home it's only two to eight hours away.
It's a Mecca. My wife never wants to leave. Ever. She's bigger and stronger than me. So I do what she says. Ive got so little power at home I take it out on everybody else I meet.
So when can you come join me for a fun Tuscaloosa day of sitting in the Old Navy parking lot and counting the number of fat bitches with greasy hair wearing houndstooth?
Help me. Please.
Nick
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Put some numbers on them, K! Fuck!
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Put some numbers on them, K! Fuck!
I'm driving. Best I can do.
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I'm driving. Best I can do.
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_mt98NUcmfSs/TUpIK8g3WzI/AAAAAAAAB20/buyrnyixqZQ/s1600/CitizensArrest.jpg)
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Letter #45
Dear Al
Hey, business is business. You use a gun, I use a fountain pen what's the difference? Let's put it in my terms, you're in a hostile takeover, you snatch us up for some green mail, but you're not expecting some poison pill to be running around the building, am I right? Al, *booby* I'm your white knight.
Okay, I'm sorry Al. I just love Die Hard and thought a quote or two from the movie would work here.
Sincerely,
Lord Saybinz
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Letter #46
Dear Alvin,
Do you like to go for long boat rides in the moonlight? Do you ever do any fishing? Need a new laptop?
Come see us.
Signed,
Some Aubren booster
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Dammit, me of all people had to correct about 3/4ths of the numbers on these letters.
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Dammit, me of all people had to correct about 3/4ths of the numbers on these letters.
Thats because you're Head Mod.
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Dammit, me of all people had to correct about 3/4ths of the numbers on these letters.
That's why we pay you the big bucks.
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Thats because you're Head Mod.
Your warn meter just spiked.
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Letter #46
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Do you have a handler? You know, a rich old guy that takes care of things for you? If not, come on down to T-Town and we will hook you up.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Your warn meter just spiked.
Shit, forgot Chizad was a mod. Fuck, I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I fucked up the flow of this thread.
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Letter #46
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Do you have a handler? You know, a rich old guy that takes care of things for you? If not, come on down to T-Town and we will hook you up.
Signed,
Nick Saban
Skrait money...
But you fucked up the format...
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Skrait money...
But you fucked up the format...
No worries, Chizad gots it.
My warn meter must be blowing the fuck up.
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Skrait money...
But you fucked up the format...
And the numbering.
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Shit, forgot Chizad was a mod. Fuck, I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I fucked up the flow of this thread.
(http://images.topix.com/gallery/up-ICRD516S86GLBMIN.jpg)
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Letter #48
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Please disregard letter #47.
Signed,
Corch Saban
cc: TJ Yeldon
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Letter #47
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Please disregard letter #46.
Signed,
Corch Saban
cc: TJ Yeldon
Which #46?!?!?
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Letter #49
Dear Alvin Kamara,
I understand that there is a lot of pressure when it comes to recruiting. If the pressure gets too much for you to handle, please let me know and I will gladly arrange a nice relaxing beach trip for you so you can get your thoughts together.
Signed,
Nick Saban
CC: Brent Calloway
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Which #46?!?!?
Clearly both apply.
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Letter # 50
Dear Alvin Kamara,
How are the workout facilities over there in Norcross? Alabama has some of the best facilities in the world. Matter of fact, if you would like to preview what it would be like to work out in these facilities, let me know, and I'll see if I can get someone to get those facilities in Norcross up to the Alabama standard...you know, just to give you a taste of what it's like here at the University.
Signed,
Nick Saban
cc: Cyrus Kouandjio
Ha'Sean Clinton-Dix
Dee Hart
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Letter # 51
Dear Alvin Kamara,
Hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #52
Dear Alvin,
http://www.tigersx.com/forum/index.php?topic=12688.0 (http://www.tigersx.com/forum/index.php?topic=12688.0)
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #53
Dear Alvin's Mother,
Quartz or granite?
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Skrait money...
But you fucked up the format...
FUCK the format! That, and I couldn't figure out how to do the way you all were. :sad:
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Letter #54
Dear Alvin,
We would like to offer you the number 1 jersey for your freshman season. We have a special package we'd like to install on offense just for you.
Signed,
Nick Saban
PS - Please let us know if Burton Scott contacts you in any way. His hush money is contingent upon...well just let us know if he calls.
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Letter #55
Dear Alvin,
We intercepted some mail from Georgia and Auburn headed your way. we went ahead and replied to them for you that you were ours and they shouldn't bother. We know you are going to be a star in our new offense which will feature 5 running backs.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #56
Dear Alvin,
Congrats on your 5th star.
Signed,
Nick Saban
Cc: Rivals
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Letter #57
Dear Alvin,
I wrote a poem. Roses are red, violets are blue, play for the crimson tide, or we will blackmail the shit out of you.
XOXO,
Nick Saban
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Letter #58
Dear Ms. Kamara,
I hear that you are in the market for a job. It is merely a coincidence that my firm has a job opening up with the title of Special Assistant. It requires a 3 day work week consisting of 4 hours a day, and pays $85,000 a year for 3, maybe 4, years. Does this sound like something that would be of any interest to you?
Best Regards,
John "Crimson" Doe
Attorney at Law
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Time out...fucking AWK wins...that is the first one I laughed at including my own.
Time in
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Letter #59
Dear Al:
Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.
Okay, I'm sorry. Again, I just can't get enough Die Hard. I especially love the part where John McLane says, "Yippee Ki Yay, Mother fucker". That cracks me up. Maybe because I really love cowboy movies where they're riding those horses saying Yippe Ki Yay. But, the only horses I can get on are those miniature ones, you know, like at the fair where they go around in circles. Those are fun, Al. Wait, Al. That's the name of the fat cop in Die Hard. And your name is Al. It's fate Al. You can't resist it so go ahead and send that letter in.
Your Besty,
Lord Saybinz
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Time out...fucking AWK wins...that is the first one I laughed at including my own.
Time in
This!
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(http://www.tigersx.com/images/60.png)
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(http://www.tigersx.com/images/60.png)
:haha:
Now there's some talent in this thread.
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Letter #61
Hey Al:
You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!
Yeah, I'm quoting movies again, Al. But I just love stories about short guys who think they're much bigger and badder than they really are. In this case, it's not just a story, Al. Al Pacino really is bigger and bad.....wait....Al Kamara...Al Pacino. Wow, see...it's fate again, Al. Just like earlier. Sign the papers, Al.
No really. Nick
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So we have what...44 more letters from Lord Saybinz to read?
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So we have what...44 more letters from Lord Saybinz to read?
Roughly 2/3 of them.
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Roughly 2/3 of them.
Yep, around 53.7% or thereabouts.
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Letter #62
Dear Alvin Kamara,
You may have heard about one of the many racist activities (http://blog.al.com/tuscaloosa/2011/10/ua_removes_offensive_language.html) that are a common occurrence (http://www.gadsdentimes.com/article/TL/20111119/NEWS/111119489/1217/news100?Title=UA-investigates-racial-incident-at-fraternity) on the University of Alabama campus.
Not to worry. You are a football player. You will be tolerated. Unless you want to play quarterback.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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#63
(http://www.tigersx.com/images/letter.png)
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Letter #64
Dear Al
I jusy wanted to follow up on that black quarterback thing. I didn't really mean "tolerated". That won't really be necessary. See...we've had black quartebacks here at Alabama before. But we had to pass them off as Full Blooded Cherokee Indians. How does the name Numta Huwachakuk sound to you? It actually translates as Laughing Beaver, but we won't put that in the program. Ready to sign?
My Love Always, Nick
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Letter #63
--OR--
Letter #65
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/Chizad-Lappy/letter.png)
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Letter #66
Dear Alvin,
I just got off the phone with your girlfriend, she will be joining us in the Athletic Department as junior assistant to the assistant coach. We really look forward to you coming to Alabama next year, and so does she.
Your Pal,
Nick
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Letter #67
Oh and one favor if you don't mind, Al. When you go on ESPN at the UnderArmour Allstar game to announce "I goin' wiff Roll Tide"....it'd be best to leave mama out of the picture. I know she thinks you're going to Georgia and all that so it'd be best if you left her at home. You understand.
XXOO, Nicky
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Letter #69
Dear Al
Daniel A. Moore already has an unauthorized print with your image ready to go.
Please let us know what number he should put on your jersey in his painting. It will hang on the wall of 11,000 trailers and 400 law offices.
Nick
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Dear Al
Which bank would you like to "work" at while you are here? Remember this will also be the bank where you work for the rest of your life if you get injured and can't play. That's how we roll.
You can't choose Bryant bank because, well, that would just be too obvious even for us. But Regions is always a good choice.
BTW, does your mother speak German? If not we can send Rosetta Stone over because those Krauts up at Mercedes might want to discuss her new supervisor's position even though we told them it was cool.
Nick
Note: Bank offer only applies if you produce.
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Letter #71
Hey Al
What do you think about white girl titties.
Skeet skeet!
Nick
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Letter #72
Dear Al
Let us know when and where you're ACT test is going to be. Depending on the day we've got Kim Sun Park or Jiang Jong to come over there and take it for you.
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Letter #73
Dear Al
I'm sure other coaches have told you about the racist graffiti and stuff spraypainted around here.
Don't worry. That was intended for the regular negrahs. Over here you ain't black, aight? You're crimson. You don't want all those other negrahs hanging around anyway.
Yours in colorblindness
NS
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At least the Math portion anyway.
Sir Woodfred Cambridge from the Oxford Dept of English will be stepping in for the Verbal part.
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Letter #74
Dear Alvin Kamara,
You know me and Mark Emmert are like BFFs (http://blog.al.com/bamabeat/2010/04/mark_emmert_--_a_friend_of_nic.html), right? I also have pictures of his family that make the ones I have of yours look like the 700 Club. Just in case you doubted the whole "Impervious to the NCAA's jurisdiction" thing.
Signed,
Nick Saban
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Letter #75
Dear Al
Do you like to fish? Do you like old white men?
We have serveral old white men in sweaters who would like to take you fishing. Check your Facebook Page. You've got a bunch of friend requests.
Nick
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Letter #76
Dear Al -
What's wrong? We talked to the Krauts up at Mercedes and your mom didn't turn in her application give them her name on a post-it so they could make her a supervisor.
We talked to Sealy Realty. There's no furniture in the house that was bought for them they are going to rent while they watch you excel here.
We talked to Jessica and Sarah over at Phi Mu. You didn't show up for your blow job tour of the campus.
I'm beginning to worry. Don't fuck me over on this, understand?
Nick
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Letter #77
Dear Al
I hear that wormy Mark Richt bastard has been talking to you about God. And that anvil-headed Gene Chizik motherfucker has been talking to you about family.
Let me tell you something, Al. My boss? No not that wobbling fuck Mal Moore, but my real boss? He's already done the God thing. And branched out on his own. He's got some serious fucking juice. Don't want to fuck around with him. Capice?
And we'll show you what "family" means around here. We ARE the fucking family. People fuck with us, they defy gravity and fall up stairs. Manson ain't got shit on us. Capone? Fucking amateur.
Are you picking up what I'm putting down here, Al? Better get your shit straight.
I'd hate for something to happen to your mom, buddy.
Nick
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Letter #78
Alejandro:
You like how I spoke Mexican there, Al? I'm not just the most powerful coach in the universe. I can do other thngs good too. Like speaking Mexican. Try this one Al. Pagar para jugar. Yeah, I think you know what that means don't you, Al?
Manuto,
Senor Nick
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Gave up at 78 out of 105. C effort.
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Gave up at 78 out of 105. C effort.
Exactly why yall barners will never outwork coarch sabbin.
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Letter #79
Dear Al
22s or 24s? Druid City Auto needs to know.
Nick
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Letter #80
Al, baby,
I know all those other bitch coaches are giving telling you there's no room on our depth chart for you.
Fuck those clowns. We don't even HAVE a depth chart. If they ask me about a depth chart I will whip their ass.
Aight?
Nick
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Letter #81
Dear Al
When we get your fax it will be like the birth of Jesus, the day WWII ended and the first day I got laid all rolled into one.
Your fax doesn't come? It's like the Holocaust. And you're a jew. You read history books?
Nicky
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Letter #82
Dear Al
We know what's best for you. We don't fuck around with this "injury" bullshit.
http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2012/02/former_tide_cb_dequan_menzie_s.html (http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2012/02/former_tide_cb_dequan_menzie_s.html)
You play or you go. That's how we make a man out of you.
Are you a pussy?
Nick
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Letter #83
Al, my pal
Did you know I was in a movie? Sandra Bullock wanted to fuck me. I climbed up on that like a chihuahua on a greyhound. Don't tell the wife.
Nick
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Letter #84
Dear Al
At Alabama we believe in accountability. If we win it's because I'm the greatest coach in the history of football. If we lose it's because you fucked up and didn't follow the plan. We never get beat, we only lose because you fucked up the plan.
That's how we make a man out of you.
Are you a pussy?
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Letter #85
Dear Alex
We believe in accountability around here. If you fuck up you WILL be booed. Nobody boos better than us. We have a national championship in booing. And we just don't boo. Our fans are the best at insults and slurs. Your parents will hear stuff they thought died out in the 60s. They'll hear stuff that would make Bull Connor blush.
So don't fuck up.
Enjoy that Bama spirit.
Saban
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Letter #86
Dear Al
Here at Alabama we don't know the meaning of the word "tradishun" but we ascribe it to a variety of things. We also steal from other schools and call it our "tradishun."
So if there's something cool your high school does, we can do that too. We'll have the history people come up with some documents that says we did it back in the 1800s and we'll claim it as our "tradishun"
Nick
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Letter #87
Dear Al
Is your fax machine broken?
We will have Rufus McGuire come to your school and take you to a condo in Destin from now until signing day to make sure you have access to a working fax.
Don't fuck around with this.
Nick
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Letter #88
Dear Al
I see you have five stars. Do you want to keep them? You fuck this up and take us off your list and you're down to three stars like that.
I'm serious here. Don't fuck around or you'll have one measly star before we get done with you.
Nick
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Letter #89
Dear Al
I saw a leprechaun in a tree. Might have been a crackhead.
Nick
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Letter #90
Dear Al
Academics are important at Alabama.
That's why we have a generous buy-back program at the SUPE store on campus.
Nicky
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Letter #91
Dear Al
I hope you like golf. I play at North River Yacht Club at least three times a month.
You're marked down to caddy for me in October.
Nick
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Letter #92
Dear Alvin,
While you are working out, don 't neglect your fingers. You'll need strength to hold up the rings.
Nick
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Letter #93
Dear Alvin,
I want you to envision yourself running out of the tunnel while 102,000 manics yell Roll Tide at you! That's just spring practice. Get your bags packed for Tuscaloosa.
Nick
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Letter #94
Dear Alvin,
Georgia may have the Hope scholarship but they have ZERO HOPE of winning the SEC while I'm around here. Guaranteed. And Richt is a loser. Drop the zero and get with the hero, Alvin.
Nick
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Letter #95
Dear Alvin
Do you like the iPad? Well, my team have iPad 3s. I know they aren't commercially released yet but I told the Apple people to fork the over or else. They did. Don't worry though. It's a "study tool" so no worries with the NCAA. Do you want yours in black or white?
Nick
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Letter #96
Dear Alvin,
What's your favorite ice cream flavor? I need to put it in your file just in case we have any discipline issues. Not that I'm expecting any. ;-)
Nick
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Letter #97
Dear Alvin,
Mark Richt was in that Courageous movie - for like 2 minutes. They made a whole feature length about me. I have an autographed copy of Gamechanger enclosed with this. Prepare to nut yourself at my awesomeness.
Nick
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Letter #98
Dear Alvin,
I heard Gene Cheesenuts called you. Uhm, don't take his calls. EVER! He's a cheater. Don't you remember how he gave Cam Newton's daddy $200K and covered up all of Cam's murders? Yeah. Scary people in Auburn. Don't call them. We will be monitoring your calls.
Nick
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Letter #99
Dear Alvin,
Imagine yourself in this (http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ6b_y9v1vHthMzWYQW945s91FF-MY1Kv9tPikVoFNv80QVjk9z).
Nick
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Letter #100
Dear Alvin,
Just a word to the wise. Don't get yourself hurt during your senior year. I know your team probably depends on you but screw them, Alvin. You have to think about your future. If you get hurt, well, call that Phelon kid and ask him how it goes. You know what's up, Alvin. Focus on wearing Crimson and leave high school to the guys who'll be driving garbage trucks or attending Valdosta State next year.
Love,
Nick
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Letter #101
Dear Alvin,
Read a story that mentioned you as a top target for Georgia Tech. You don't want to go there. That triple option shit is frigging old. We play real men football in the SEC. You don't want to be wasted in the ACC. Plus, our girls are way hotter and sluttier than the ones at Ga.Tech.
Nick
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Letter #102
Dearest Alvin,
I'll offer if you'll commit...TODAY. (http://blogs.ajc.com/recruiting/2012/02/27/nick-saban-to-uga-recruit-ill-offer-if-you-commit-today/) Of course, should you choose to commit today, that's just basically like putting your name on a waiting list. Our offers are in no way binding on our part. But they damn sure are on yours. Also, should you choose to decline this offer of a lifetime...FUCK YOU. We didn't want you anyway. This has long been a recruiting "catch-phrase" of sorts amongst our fans, and now I have instituted it as official policy. But we know you'll make the right choice.
Nick Saban
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Letter # 103
Dear Al
Did you know our band was worth a million dollars? That's some shit right there, aight?
Think about it. The damn band knows maybe three songs.
If we pay the crappiest band on earth that kind of money what do you think we're going to give you?
Nicky
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Letter #104
Al
Do you know the words to Blinded By the Light? Sounds like "wrapped up in a douche" to me but I can't be sure.
And why does AC/DC sing "She was a fax machine she kept her modem clean?" I don't understand that.
I like peanut butter and oatmeal cakes.
Tuscaloosa is hell on earth. I'm so damn bored.
Nick
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Technically that last one was #104....Kaos fucked up the numbering on the previous page.
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Letter 105
Al -
Here's how we're gonna play this. I know you think you're going to Georgia but that shit just ain't gonna fly, aight?
Remember that fun summer job you had where you didn't have to do nothin' but play Call of Duty on the PS3? Guess what, motherfucker? You sign with Georgia and we'll have to let folks know, capice? That'll be an NCAA violation and we'll make sure you get your eligibility taken away.
Send me your fax and we'll pretend like none of that ever happened.
Fuck you, you'll do what I tell you.
Nick.
I suck at the numbering.
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Technically that last one was #104....Kaos fucked up the numbering on the previous page.
Fixed. My e-Penis is so swollen, I believe I have developed e-Priapism.
So, I guess we're done here.
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Fixed. My e-Penis is so swollen, I believe I have developed e-Priapism.
So, I guess we're done here.
I'm a little disappointed the retard crew from WoollyAL.com didn't latch on to this.
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I'm a little disappointed the retard crew from WoollyAL.com didn't latch on to this.
Why the fuck you give a shit about that waste of a site is beyond me.
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Why the Expletive you give a Expletive about that waste of a site is beyond me.
Because of threads like the following:
http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8557 (http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8557)
http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=13732 (http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=13732)
http://www.woolyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=13086 (http://www.woolyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=13086)
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Because of threads like the following:
http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8557 (http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8557)
http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=13732 (http://woollyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=13732)
http://www.woolyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=13086 (http://www.woolyal.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=13086)
If you didn't go there, then they wouldn't reduce your IQ enough to give a fuck about that collection of tin foil hat wearing bammer idiot fucks.
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If you didn't go there, then they wouldn't reduce your IQ enough to give a fuck about that collection of tin foil hat wearing bammer idiot fucks.
But then the terrorists win, Brock. Fuck that. If they live to make sure I (as an Auburn fan) can't enjoy Auburn's successes then I will return the favor.
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I didn't click any of those links and could give a shit what the inbred idiots have to say on that site.
Besides I have seen your game over there, or lack thereof, you might want to reconsider your position.
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I didn't click any of those links and could give a shit what the inbred idiots have to say on that site.
Besides I have seen your game over there, or lack thereof, you might want to reconsider your position.
JN actually participates there? :facepalm:
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JN actually participates there? :facepalm:
That is just not sensible
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That is just not sensible
Daas funny right there.
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So much fail in this thread. :facepalm:
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JN actually participates there? :facepalm:
Looks like they know him well. I wouldn't want that distinction.
When you rassle with a pig you get dirty - but the pig likes it.
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Looks like they know him well. I wouldn't want that distinction.
When you rassle with a pig you get dirty - but the pig likes it.
Also, all those fringe bammer sites are set up so that when you sign up, they get access to all your personal shit. Completely unsecure. For a reason.
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Also, all those fringe bammer sites are set up so that when you sign up, they get access to all your personal shit. Completely insecure. For a reason.
They come with viruses as well. No shit.
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They come with viruses as well. No shit.
So, I need to get a flu shot before I sign up?
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So, I need to get a flu shot before I sign up?
I hope you have health insurance.
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I hope you have health insurance.
(http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/files/2011/04/aflac-duck.jpg)
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(http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/files/2011/04/aflac-duck.jpg)
Who?
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Also, all those fringe bammer sites are set up so that when you sign up, they get access to all your personal shit. Completely insecure. For a reason.
Bingo....Malware, Ip Trackers.
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Bingo....Malware, Ip Trackers.
This site has that along with people willing to call your workplace.
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This site has that along with people willing to call your workplace.
Ip trackers maybe. But I hardly think GF uses it with the same intent as those inbred retards over there.
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Ip trackers maybe. But I hardly think GF uses it with the same intent as those inbred retards over there.
Only if your warn meter gets spiked.
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This site has that along with people willing to call your workplace.
Only if you are a fucktard. no?
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Only if you are a fucktard. no?
This is the correct answer.
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:yallfu: :crickets:
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:yallfu: :crickets:
You should apologize to simp. You've taken his spot as "worst poster" on my list. He's actually shown flashes of potential while you aspire to mediocrity.
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You should apologize to simp. You've taken his spot as "worst poster" on my list. He's actually shown flashes of potential while you aspire to mediocrity.
You bitches betta recognize.
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You bitches betta recognize.
Now you don't get no fuckin' movie check neither.
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You should apologize to simp. You've taken his spot as "worst poster" on my list. He's actually shown flashes of potential while you aspire to mediocrity.
Wait, I thought I was worst poster on your list?
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Wait, I thought I was worst poster on your list?
He's just toying with your emotions. You're still #1
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This thread just went from worst to first.
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I'm going to Hollywood to get my God Damn movie check!
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Get off my Kool-Aid motherfucka!
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You should apologize to simp. You've taken his spot as "worst poster" on my list. He's actually shown flashes of potential while you aspire to mediocrity.
I wouldn't call it aspire as so much it just comes naturally.
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I wouldn't call it aspire as so much it just comes naturally.
No, mediocrity I would accept from this guy. The problem is that he hopes that one day his posts will reach that level. Until then they are just grease stains from turds lobbed at the wall.
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No, mediocrity I would accept from this guy. The problem is that he hopes that one day his posts will reach that level. Until then they are just grease stains from turds lobbed at the wall.
Hot damn, you use your mouth purtyer than a $20.00 whore.
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No, mediocrity I would accept from this guy. The problem is that he hopes that one day his posts will reach that level. Until then they are just grease stains from turds lobbed at the wall.
Wise man once say: When once find yourself in hole, best to quit digging.
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Wise man once say: When once find yourself in hole, best to quit digging.
Not sure what you mean. If you think I'm the one in the hole here, then you are approaching Newcastle-levels of idiocy.
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Wise man once say: When once find yourself in hole, best to quit digging.
How deep a hole would that be?
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No, mediocrity I would accept from this guy. The problem is that he hopes that one day his posts will reach that level. Until then they are just grease stains from turds lobbed at the wall.
Good thing I don't care what you think of me. Stop running this tired game, Salsa. Really pathetic.
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Confucius say when called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet than to open mouth and remove all doubt.
Confucius also say man who screw woman on the ground get piece on earth.
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And Confucius say, foolish man give woman piano. Wise man give woman upright organ.
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Confucius say, man who stick dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts.
Confucius also say, man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger.
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Good thing I don't care what you think of me. Stop running this tired game, Salsa. Really pathetic.
Careful wes4au he might change his name again.
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Not sure what you mean. If you think I'm the one in the hole here, then you are approaching Newcastle-levels of idiocy.
Not you, the subject matter.
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Confucius say man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Virgin like balloon: one prick, all gone.
Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth.
Woman who marries detective must kiss dick
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Snoop Dogg says, "If you don't start no shit, dey want be no shit".
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Confucius say man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Virgin like balloon: one prick, all gone.
Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth.
Woman who marries detective must kiss dick
I'm not saying I like Newcastle one way or the other personally. I just think he should put the shovel down for time being - that's pretty obvious.
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I'm not saying I like Newcastle one way or the other personally. I just think he should put the shovel down for time being - that's pretty obvious.
Nice response....but I really wasn't aiming the Confucius quotes at you personally.
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Nice response....but I really wasn't aiming the Confucius quotes at you personally.
I know. Your wise anecdotes just reminded me of his cause/effect more.
Ooooh ooooh, here's a good un:
Confucius say man with no cahonies have name of Snag.
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So, woollyal.com is monitoring this website? LMFAO, those fuckin inbreds are eaten up with Little Brother Syndrome...wasn't there a picture of travischimp floating around.