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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3300 on: May 23, 2023, 09:49:12 AM »
Ant Man and the Wasp: Quadrophenia (whatever)

Ant Man is the blandest of the the Marvel lineup.  It's not absurd and tangled like the almost unwatchable Dr. Strange entries. It's not outrageous and campy like the last two Thor entries. But it also doesn't rise to the level of Ironman or Captain America. 

Part of that is the general genial blandness of Paul Rudd. That's not a condemnation, it's just what he is. It fits the part. He  doesn't have the same charisma as Downey, Hemsworth, Evans, or even Johannsen. That everyman blandness helps make the character work, though. Rudd as Scott actually leans into it, accepting that Antman is fourth or fifth banana on the Avengers tree, at best.

The rest of the ensemble is reasonably strong. The girl from Freaky (who I like) stepping into the daughter role, Michelle Pfieffer and Michael Douglas sliding back into the Pym family slots. And Evangeline Lily (with an atrocious hairdo, gross) returning as the love interest/sidekick.

Two problems:
1 - the story.  All that "big, little, big, tiny, other universe, crazy alien" stuff is too much. It gets muddled after a while. I will say that Star Wars could have used some of the alien creation here, rather than the raggedy ass muppets it relies on. The creatures were well rendered.
2 - Kang. That guy, whoever he is, was pretty awful. 

The film teased way more of him/it to come but if I had to guess, I'd say that will be one of those threads that will be dropped and forgotten as Marvel moves forward. They're already scrapping their entire planned M-She-U due to audience fatigue and indifference - although I feel confident they'll blame Trump and DeSantis for their failures.

That brings me to a point I made years ago when the media declared that the entire nation was "in love" with a racehorse as they bombarded us with stories about it.  In reality, few cared. They WANTED us to care. It's the same thing with this whole female/LGBRQ549+-% agenda Disney/Marvel decided to pursue. It wasn't what people actually wanted or would support. It was what a very small number of people decided that we wanted. And when it failed (spectacularly), those same people chose not to accept the reality, but affixed a series of "ism" and "phobe" tags to anyone who dared to think differently.

I don't think Antman Quadrophonic was a bad movie. It just didn't move the needle. And it had to throw in one little "socialism is a great idea, just look at the ants" line.  I know it performed poorly at the box office (not as poorly as crap like SheHulk and Eternals), and I expect it will probably just fade into anonymity over time.  It definitely didn't advance the Marvel story and if I had to guess, it will be the last time we see Antman in a lead role.   (Rudd is looking a little old, to be honest). I think their plan was to prop up the daughter as the next Ant hero - as part of that entire SheIron, SheHulk, LadyThor, ChickHawk, lineup they were trying to build -- but that will never work. It just won't. So pick an "ism" or "phobe" to tar me with and let's move on.

I watched last night, typed up my review, and realized I was mimicking a lot of what you have already said. 

Evangeline Lily is a natural beauty, but that Classic Western young boy haircut kills it for me. 

The quote on Socialism being a desired outcome made we want to throw up.  I guess I am just tired of the repetitive agenda pushing in film.  You can't watch anything these days without it being laced with extreme leftist ideology.  It truly is a hive mind.  Diversity is the most important thing unless it is diversity of thoughts/ideas.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3301 on: May 25, 2023, 09:22:52 AM »
Anyone see Nefarious?
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3302 on: May 25, 2023, 09:28:11 AM »
Anyone see Nefarious?

Only in theaters correct?

I do want to see it and Hypnotic.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3303 on: May 25, 2023, 09:35:59 AM »
Only in theaters correct?

I do want to see it and Hypnotic.

Yep, I want to see it the more I hear about it, but I may wait for streaming services.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3304 on: May 25, 2023, 11:06:38 AM »
I'm keen to see that Blackberry movie but it's nowhere near where I live. Tetris was good on the Apple+.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3305 on: May 28, 2023, 10:45:31 AM »
Poker Face
Australian movie with Australian cast.  Russell Crowe (who directed) and a Hemsworth.  Some boxy-looking women who weren't bad to look at. 

Basic story:  Crowe is mega rich from playing poker and inventing some government spy program.  When the spy program was first developed he distributed shares to all his poker-playing pals - millions of dollar's worth - who promptly proceeded to squander them.

Now he's dying. So he sets up a winner-take-all poker battle and invites all of his ex pals to play. Cue some shenanigans initiated by his down-on-their-luck ex pals who are desperate for money, wedge in a farcical storyline about his wife banging one of the friends, swizzle a trio of brutal, but bungling burglars who would have easily been thwarted by Kevin from Home Alone, and cap it off with a saccharin ending.

It just didn't have the weight it wanted to. And because it was Australian, it was weird.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3306 on: May 28, 2023, 11:24:46 AM »
Blood

I watched this because it was categorized as a horror film and because it starred Michelle Monaghan, who I've liked for a long time.  She's around 50 and still looks really, really good to me. She first got my attention in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (a highly underrated movie, BTW) and has been solid in pretty much everything I've ever seen her in - including True Detective. To my knowledge her only on-screen nudity was KKBB, although there was perhaps some in True Detective - which was possibly a body double. Alexandra DDarrio was not body doubled in that however, a fact you should never forget.

She's the best part of this movie, too.

Premise:

She's divorcing Skeet Ulrich, and moves into an old farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere with her two kids. She is a nurse and apparently used to be a drug addict (never really properly fleshed out). Some weird tree (never explained) somehow (never explained) infects the dog, who bites her kid.  Kid develops a taste for the movie's title (why? never explained).  Mom Michelle goes to great lengths to provide for the ever hungry kid as it gets further and further removed from its human roots (why? never explained).  Eventually its a battle for survival. 

Wasn't bad. Wasn't good. I struggled with how quickly mom figured out psycho boy's need and how quickly she shifted into straight up psycho mode to supply it. 

Just another average horror movie where the only horror was the cringe inducing "poor Cadbury spokesman" moments and the possibility of a baby being eaten (I actually almost wish they'd gone there). 

Recommend? Not really.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3307 on: May 28, 2023, 03:25:54 PM »

Alexandra DDarrio was not body doubled in that however, a fact you should never forget.


And Woody Harrelson had the honor of touching them. Pretty sure she’s one of the most beautiful women to ever exist.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3308 on: May 28, 2023, 04:36:15 PM »
And Woody Harrelson had the honor of touching them. Pretty sure she’s one of the most beautiful women to ever exist.

Her face ain't a world beater, really.  Gal Gadot has a much more attractive face.  Like mesmerizingly hot. Margot Robbie... There are several.

But them American titties!  Oh my lord.

Right up there with Teresa Palmer's exquisite ass!
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3309 on: May 28, 2023, 06:24:59 PM »
Her face ain't a world beater, really.  Gal Gadot has a much more attractive face.  Like mesmerizingly hot. Margot Robbie... There are several.

But them American titties!  Oh my lord.

Right up there with Teresa Palmer's exquisite ass!

She is the only reason to watch I Am Number Four and Take Me Home Tonight (it does have its funny moments).

Still hard for any of ‘em to beat Kate Beckinsale.

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3310 on: May 28, 2023, 10:06:26 PM »
Her face ain't a world beater, really.  Gal Gadot has a much more attractive face.  Like mesmerizingly hot. Margot Robbie... There are several.

But them American titties!  Oh my lord.

Right up there with Teresa Palmer's exquisite ass!

Her blue eyes are actually pretty spectacular. She’s damn near perfect to me.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3311 on: May 28, 2023, 10:15:55 PM »
Bama Rush

If every single one of these vapid, clueless airheads disappeared from the face of the earth it would be a better place to live. 

They are despicable. They are dumber than a box of coat hangers.  They are nothing more than self important cum dumpsters. 

As bad as they are and this is?  The stupid filmmaker who inserted herself artificially into the narrative with her No Ho Hank looking head makes it exponentially worse. There’s no reason for her to put herself into the middle of the story (what little there is it it) or talk to the camera.  She’s as awful as the morons from the sororities. She’s a stupid, self-involved mommy part, honestly. This is less about Rush than her stupid wiggy ass.

Every single person in this film is one of the most useless sacks of flesh to ever breathe. 

Good lord this us atrocious.  Social media is the ruination of this country. 

I’m going to quit watching it because I don’t want to see the ugly, fat ass dancing hippo from Illinois get into one.

EDITED TO ADD:

The more I think about this, the more it bothers me. This was an absolute waste of time. 

The narcissistic director was no better than the brain-dead, drama-loving/creating trash whores she profiled. 

You learn ABSOLUTELY nothing from this worthless production.  It's all surface-level information, that a hamster could glean from the newspaper that lines its cage.  The fact that NoHo Sally thinks she's making some profound statement with this is insulting.

She bases her "documentary" (aka vanity project so she can talk about her fucking head) on four girls - all of whom are wrapped in drama they fabricate. 

One is a drama-soaked wanna-be tramp who claims to have body issues and also claims she has been roofied "multiple times."  I've known whores like this all my life who are so desperate for attention that they are ragingly drunk after two beers and then throw their stinking pussy on anybody who'll stick a dick in it.  After, they claim to have been taken advantage of.  Midway through, on discovering that she was unlikely to be picked up by any sorority because she has no social skills other than being loud and drunk, she drops out of Rush. 
One down.

One is a mixed race, very confused, girl who sees everything through a racial lens.  I think the Knobhead director thought she'd get to make a case for how racist the school is when this mousy girl got dropped. Instead, she dropped herself out of Rush after going to a "rush coach" and looking gawky in her dresses.
Two down.

One is a fat ass, self-involved, no talent, utterly annoying cow from Illinois who chose to go to Bama 'because.'  She's the worst. Videos of her bloated ass thundering around on a dance stage, videos of her trying on dresses that make her look like the Hindenburg after it hit the powerlines. Absolutely zero self awareness.  She dropped out of the "documentary" after learning the sororities were cautioning pledges not to be involved.
Three down.

The fat ass hippopotamus was the reason I quit watching it initially.  I didn't want to see her "excited" face if she got a bid. I finally went back and finished it and the pig squealing when she opened her bid packet was just as grating as I imagined it would be.  That she was tapped to pledge Phi MOO was fitting. Her claiming it was "one of the top tier sororities" was also laughable. Phi MOO is literally one of the bottom rung houses on campus. It's not THE bottom, but it is in the bottom 5%. And this ridiculous bitch squealed like Ned Beatty with a mountain man up his ass when she "got in." 

One is a complete self-absorbed girl from California who claims to have been raped just before coming to Rush. She's pretty, but has an IQ of about 4. She does make it through rush. 

So out of the four rushees, the thing ends up with one who finishes the project. Over the course of it, viewers are given ZERO insights into what actually happens during the interviews, ZERO real examination of the power sororities have on campus, ZERO consideration of what impact Sorostitute life has on past members (good and bad), ZERO discussion of alcohol abuse or drugs, ZERO inspection of the Stepford Wife conformity the societies enforce, ZERO information about how rule breakers are treated, ZERO real exposition of how sisters who date "outside" the system are treated.  I was there, saw all of that in real time. I briefly dated a girl who was in one of the ones that started with Alpha when I was in Tuscaloosa. I liked her, but we couldn't survive the "nobody can know I'm dating a GDI!!" or the regular forced swaps where where she had a required date with some douchetwat from a frat. I think part of the allure for her was that I wasn't a frat boy and I was "forbidden" by her sisterhood. When she'd show up my apartment in a hat and sunglasses worried that somebody had followed her off campus... I got tired of that. 

The biggest thing is there was ZERO real investigation of The Machine *which should have been a completely separate documentary and one that a REAL investigative reporter, not NoHo Hootenanny, should undertake. The Machine exists and what everybody fails to understand is that it isn't limited to the UA campus. It has controlled state politics for decades. Like the mafia, it needs to end.  Yes, No Ho Sally awkwardly touched on it, but did nothing but rehash stale newspaper headlines and dug no deeper. 

This is a TERRIBLE documentary from which you will discover absolutely nothing other than the fact that this stupid ass NoHo bitch put on a wig.   
« Last Edit: May 30, 2023, 10:46:55 AM by Kaos »
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3312 on: June 01, 2023, 12:12:12 PM »
Bama Rush = Nothing Burger

The Jared from Subway documentary? Disturbing.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3313 on: June 01, 2023, 12:32:21 PM »
The Jared from Subway documentary? Disturbing.

Did the blonde who was secretly recording him really play a role in his arrest?  Because it looks like the Indy police who got the tip about bestiality on his buddy and his buddy's wife is what led to them arresting him.  So this documentary could really have been about 45 minutes.

And I agree, very disturbing.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3314 on: June 01, 2023, 02:37:08 PM »
Count me in on the disturbing take.  That's a sick dude. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3315 on: June 01, 2023, 05:30:52 PM »
you guys are fucking up the format.

:yallfu:
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3316 on: June 01, 2023, 05:40:30 PM »
Count me in on the disturbing take.  That's a sick dude.

Oh sure he was sick.  Fat ass loser loner loses weight, becomes more famous and rich than he could ever imagine and comes to believe he can indulge in whatever whim occurs with no repercussions. What’s sad is it’s not surprising.

He was just stupid about aping the behavior he saw all around him from the celebrity set.  Just doing what they do burn without the shield of invincibility.  Do you honestly believe his predelectios are worse than those of “shower with me”  Biden or his “hold this cocaine” son?   

Jared was just dumb about it. 

The only question I have was did he wear a wig?  I mean because that’s like the worst.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3317 on: June 03, 2023, 10:44:54 AM »
The Old Way

Nic Cage western. 

Quentin Tarrantino movies are almost always dialogue heavy. He gets away with it because the dialogue is creative, interesting, well-paced, natural and typically informative. 

This film is also dialogue heavy, but not in the tradition of Tarrantino. It's stilted, forced, ponderous, poorly-paced and bloated.

I'd say about 92% of this film is heavy-handed dialogue, delivered poorly.  The "good guys" talk and talk and talk and talk.  The bad guys talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.  The people in the middle, particularly an aged sheriff, deliver lengthy monologues that I'm sure the writer and director thought were brilliant.  They weren't.  They were boring. Dry as dust.

All the talking, talking, talking leached any possible drama out of the roughly seven minutes of "action" in this two hour film.

A dour Nic moped through the film before delivering one final Cagey moment of hysterically bad acting and delivery at the end. Good lord, he's a terrible actor. 

If you want to listen to people prattle on and on in monotone, this is the film for you.  If not?  Get on your horse and ride the fuck away from this one. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3318 on: June 18, 2023, 09:35:53 PM »
Reinfeld

I thought I knew what I was getting when I started this.  I was partly right. 

I expected Nic Cage “niccaging” it up as a modern day Dracula. I got that. And if we’re being honest it was pretty great. He knows what he is and he leans hard into it, overacting to the point of under acting almost. 

I expected Nick Hoult to dourly look for a way out of serving his undead master.  Got that too.  Better than I expected. 

What I didn’t expect was a joyous romp through some brutally clever mayhem and gore.  This movie had five or six “oh SHIT!” moments of outlandish bodily destruction. 

What I didn’t expect was a pretty decent Akwafina as a cop that gets embroiled in the carnage.  I kinda liked her in this. 

The sheer level of gory brawling - clearly done for the raw joy of doing it - was so beyond what I expected that I really (really)  liked it. 

It’s not for everybody.  But Cage’s outrageous (and perfectly cast performance) combined with the unrestrained and unbridled blood fest (have you ever seen people beaten to death with severed arms?) made this movie a much more enjoyable watch than I hoped.

Enjoyed it. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3319 on: June 19, 2023, 09:31:25 AM »
Anxiously awaiting K's "Extraction 2" review.  I was a fan.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.