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Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #80 on: March 15, 2024, 04:50:33 PM »
I'm gonna' write a book about all the things I should have done.

It will be my oughtabiography.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #81 on: March 17, 2024, 06:53:00 AM »
New research has made it difficult for scientists to trust atoms. They seem to make up everything.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #82 on: March 18, 2024, 10:51:02 AM »
I saw a typo on a headstone the other day.

It was a grave mistake.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #83 on: March 19, 2024, 10:07:29 AM »
My wife sent me to the grocery store to pick up a 6 pack of sprite. When I got home I realized I accidentally picked 7 Up.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Kaos

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #84 on: March 20, 2024, 11:18:51 PM »
My girlfriend said she couldn’t attend the Innuendo Seminar next week.

She asked if I’d like to fill her slot instead.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #85 on: March 21, 2024, 05:36:37 AM »
What is the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?
You can't hear a vitamin.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #86 on: March 21, 2024, 09:31:49 AM »
I told myself I need to stop drinking.

But, I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Kaos

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #87 on: March 21, 2024, 12:42:00 PM »
Donate a kidney and everybody says you’re a hero. 

Bring in five and some asshole calls the police.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #88 on: March 22, 2024, 06:03:43 AM »
A MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
« Last Edit: March 22, 2024, 09:17:30 AM by Snakebite »
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #89 on: March 22, 2024, 03:08:25 PM »
I told myself I need to stop drinking.

But, I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

https://youtu.be/jqkNGbd3V1E?si=kf9AAF89PVjtD7zF
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #90 on: March 22, 2024, 03:11:15 PM »
https://youtu.be/jqkNGbd3V1E?si=kf9AAF89PVjtD7zF

So he’s not original.  At least he’s not reporting people dying when they don’t.
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #91 on: March 22, 2024, 03:13:11 PM »
So he’s not original.  At least he’s not reporting people dying when they don’t.

Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #92 on: March 22, 2024, 03:21:47 PM »
Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.

Me?

I am not the one wrong all the time. I’m good, bro.  Want to meet at the Prattville Sonic?   
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #93 on: March 22, 2024, 03:27:26 PM »
Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.

You assume your juvenile jabs affect me.  They do not. 

How’s this…

You’re a prick.  That doesn’t mention anything about how you post stuff on here that is inaccurate and asinine.  More on your level? 
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #94 on: March 22, 2024, 03:35:22 PM »
You assume your juvenile jabs affect me.  They do not. 

How’s this…

You’re a prick.  That doesn’t mention anything about how you post stuff on here that is inaccurate and asinine.  More on your level?

Soak it good. You got a lot of sand in there.
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #95 on: March 22, 2024, 03:38:42 PM »
Soak it good. You got a lot of sand in there.

Again, nothing of substance. 

You’re laughable.  I understand why your woman doesn’t sleep (or fuck) you. No one likes a joke when it’s on them.

How about meeting at the Steak and Shake?  I like a good burger.
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #96 on: March 22, 2024, 03:41:43 PM »
CCTAU

Hahahahahhahahahabhabahabbababa
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #97 on: March 22, 2024, 03:48:39 PM »
CCTAU

Hahahahahhahahahabhabahabbababa

Go smoke a bowl. You sound unhinged when you get like this.
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #98 on: March 22, 2024, 03:54:05 PM »
Go smoke a bowl. You sound unhinged when you get like this.

I am hinged, you fat fuck.
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

WiregrassTiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #99 on: March 22, 2024, 04:09:08 PM »
Can’t we all just get along?
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