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Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #100 on: March 22, 2024, 04:11:34 PM »
Can’t we all just get along?

Fuck you, Rodney King.
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

WiregrassTiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #101 on: March 22, 2024, 04:24:57 PM »
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War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #102 on: March 22, 2024, 04:27:35 PM »
Nice catch. +5

Nice softball.  I would have drilled that pitch to right field for a single. 
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #103 on: March 22, 2024, 05:37:43 PM »
Did you guys hear about the deer that ran into a dentist's office?  He was concerned about his buck teeth!
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #104 on: March 24, 2024, 07:17:31 AM »
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #105 on: March 27, 2024, 08:21:54 PM »
What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

WiregrassTiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #106 on: March 27, 2024, 08:25:19 PM »
What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.
I know you look up to Snags, even though he’s shorter than you but it’s not making you look becoming by any stretch of the imagination. It’s sad. You are capable of much better.
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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #107 on: March 27, 2024, 09:07:22 PM »
I know you look up to Snags, even though he’s shorter than you but it’s not making you look becoming by any stretch of the imagination. It’s sad. You are capable of much better.

It’s your lack of good taste that keeps you from the VIP section of the board, which I am now in.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #108 on: March 28, 2024, 09:16:15 AM »
It’s your lack of good taste that keeps you from the VIP section of the board, which I am now in.

Burn!!!
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

WiregrassTiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #109 on: March 28, 2024, 12:27:36 PM »
I was hurt so bad after GF died that I almost moved to south Florida just to be closer to his memory. It hurt because we were on bad terms when he died. But I started thinking hard about it and came to the conclusion that I didn’t give that much of a fuck about it. I never really liked him much at all I just wish he would have liked me when he died.

I am afraid that some of you may be faced with this. There seems to be a lot of animosity and ill feelings. What if one of you departs this world without having the opportunity to make up?

I know that if Token is killed in the line of duty, I will likely feel a sense of remorse for taking shots at his weight struggles. But in reality, it is highly unlikely that he would be shot by an unarmed black kid.

Let’s make an attempt to reach across to get along. I plan to be nicer to you democrats and queers. Biden and RFK, jr supporters are fucked up, sure but they are my brothers. Or, sisters . Or whatever they identify as.

Let us remember that Jarhead voted for Gary’s Johnson. Mainly because AUChizad did, I’m sure. But where would we be without his leadership right now? We could have written him off back then. On second thought, maybe that’s a bad example.

I still plan to open my own place as those of you who have received invitations are aware. Only MAGA allowed. But until then, let’s pretend to accept these faggots and pretend to like them. Act as if you accept their fucked up point of view even though they have ZERO accomplishments or achievements to point to.

Be nice.
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Kaos

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #110 on: March 28, 2024, 12:57:31 PM »
I’m not a good cook.  I have to follow recipes or it turns out horribly. I was trying to heat some salmon in the oven the other night.  First step said to turn the oven 180 degrees.

Well fuck.  Now I can’t even open the door.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #111 on: March 28, 2024, 05:20:27 PM »
If Karen Carpenter married Adam Ant, she'd be Karen Carpenter Ant.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #112 on: March 29, 2024, 10:24:16 AM »
I think the Rolling Stones and Styx are going out on tour.  They're calling it The Styx & Stones Tour.






This is the right place...
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #113 on: March 29, 2024, 10:33:27 AM »
I intend to live forever. 

So far, so good…
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Snakebite,
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher

WiregrassTiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #114 on: March 29, 2024, 10:42:42 AM »
I intend to live forever. 

So far, so good…
Congratulations on being tied for first place, so far. Keep up the good work.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #115 on: March 29, 2024, 11:05:47 AM »
I think the Rolling Stones and Styx are going out on tour.  They're calling it The Styx & Stones Tour.






This is the right place...

What the....?  You stolt the joke I stolt.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #116 on: March 29, 2024, 03:51:29 PM »
I think the Rolling Stones and Styx are going out on tour.  They're calling it The Styx & Stones Tour.






This is the right place...

The rest of you mother fuckers are joking for second place, because CCTAU just won this thread with this highly original joke.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #117 on: March 29, 2024, 04:18:13 PM »
The rest of you mother fuckers are joking for second place, because CCTAU just won this thread with this highly original joke.

You son of a....
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #118 on: March 29, 2024, 04:24:14 PM »
My Dad only had one leg, but he worked at the Brewery for 40 years.  He was in charge of the Hops.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

War Damn Six

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #119 on: March 29, 2024, 05:59:06 PM »
Whenever you hear strange noises at night, immediately make stranger noises to assert your dominance. 
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“If you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait.” Preacher