ESPN: Tom Brady is retiring.
Tampa Bay Bucs: He hasn't said anything like that to us.
Brady's dad: No decision has been made.
Brady's agent: Nothing like that was said to me.
Brady: No announcement.
ESPN: Tom Brady has retired! Let's take 15 minutes on SportsCenter to bury him in praise. Let's do a retrospective eulogy where we talk about him in the past tense.
Maybe he will. At this point I truly hope he doesn't and they end up with gallons of egg all over their stupid faces.
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