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Put a "The" in front of it...

Kaos

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Put a "The" in front of it...
« on: July 18, 2021, 10:41:00 PM »
DC films are such a spectacular turd-laden morass of wasted effort, I'm not sure I hold out much hope for this third effort to reboot the Suicide Squad mythos.  This time they decided that sticking a qualifier -- the word "The" -- in front of the title will do the trick.  Maybe "The" Justice League could fix that abortion.  Or "The" Green Lantern  could repair that stinkhole.  Maybe "The" Dawn of Justice or "The" Aquaman wouldn't suck gangrenous balls. I mean, I know they're trying this same strategy with Twinkle the Vampire's "The" Batman (coming soon) so this must be the genuis.  Stick a "The" up there and it's all good! 

Or not. 

Or hey, let's steal a Marvel director and he'll fix it all!  That worked out so fucking well with Whedon and Justice League, didn't it?  I'm sure the guy who brought us Guardians of the Galaxy will make it all better!  

Or not.  

Margot works her adorable ass off as Harley Quinn but is typically wasted in every effort.  Lackluster script, awful direction, flattened character, tepid supporting cast.  Sadly,  I suspect this will be the same.  The rest of the cast definitely doesn't move me.  

Fuck John Cheena.  Knee bending cuckhole. (Hey, let's get a wrestler!  It worked for Bautista and Guardians! *sigh*) 

Fuck that no talent addict-looking Pete whatthefuckever. (Hey, lets get some scrawny ass piece of shit everybody hates! That always works!) 

Hey! Let's get a monosyllabic animated character.  Not a tree, but a SHARK!! That'll be cooler!  He can just say one word or something.. Not Groot, that's taken, but still... 

Hey, let's get an animal!  I know, a racoon!!  Get a racoon!!  No, fuck. That's aready taken too. What's close to a raccoon?  Ummm groundhog?  No, groundhogs can't be cool.  Weasel! A WEASEL!  That'll get the kids in!!  

The problem is that no matter how good this is, DC has already laid such a foundation of shit that this will likely be relegated to that same turd pile.  My gut says it's not going to be good enough to escape the suck, no matter crazy/sexy Harley is.  I have a feeling this is going to end up being one of those cringey-sad ripoff movies like Battle Beyond the Stars -- one of a number of films that tried to cash in on the Star Wars train in the 70s.  

Here's the trailer.  It feels more like a SNL parody of Guardians of the Galaxy than anything else to me. 

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Kaos

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2021, 08:49:21 AM »
It was worse than I ever imagined it could be.  

DC has no idea whatsoever how to make an effective movie.  

It was:

1. Ultra violent in an unexpectedly gory and gruesome way.  Wasn’t fun like I think they expected it to be 
2. Overly vulgar - perhaps hoping to channel some Deadpool vibes. Didn’t fit a movie consistently marketed as DC’s answer to Guardians.  
3. Poorly paced and stupidly scripted 
4. Not engaging.  Did not care one iota about any of the characters. Not one. The stupid Stallone shark was the worst. 
5. A complete waste of Margot Robbie.  
6. Terrible.  It’s exponentially worse than the first shitty suicide squad movie. 
7. Musically tone deaf.  The score was intrusive.  It didn’t fit the action.  And the obscure songs that just randomly popped up were atrocious.  Added nothing.  

Every Marvel movie.  Every episode of The Boys. Every episode of Batman from 1966. Every installment of Superfriends. Every second of the Shazam/Isis hour.  Every Greatest American Hero episode.  Every bit of that had more authenticity, more character, more heart, more fun, more watchability than this turd burger. 

It’s time for DC to get out of the movie biz.  
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CCTAU

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2021, 02:40:30 PM »
So you are saying they should make another....
I'll get the popcorn ready.
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Kaos

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2021, 10:59:51 PM »
So you are saying they should make another....
I'll get the popcorn ready.
I’m saying they WILL make another.  Because they don’t know any better 
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GH2001

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2021, 10:23:42 AM »
It was worse than I ever imagined it could be. 

DC has no idea whatsoever how to make an effective movie. 

It was:

1. Ultra violent in an unexpectedly gory and gruesome way.  Wasn’t fun like I think they expected it to be
2. Overly vulgar - perhaps hoping to channel some Deadpool vibes. Didn’t fit a movie consistently marketed as DC’s answer to Guardians. 
3. Poorly paced and stupidly scripted
4. Not engaging.  Did not care one iota about any of the characters. Not one. The stupid Stallone shark was the worst.
5. A complete waste of Margot Robbie. 
6. Terrible.  It’s exponentially worse than the first shitty suicide squad movie.
7. Musically tone deaf.  The score was intrusive.  It didn’t fit the action.  And the obscure songs that just randomly popped up were atrocious.  Added nothing. 

Every Marvel movie.  Every episode of The Boys. Every episode of Batman from 1966. Every installment of Superfriends. Every second of the Shazam/Isis hour.  Every Greatest American Hero episode.  Every bit of that had more authenticity, more character, more heart, more fun, more watchability than this turd burger.

It’s time for DC to get out of the movie biz. 

Margot and Idris Elba should seriously decline another.....total waste of their talent. John Cena has no business being in any movie....The Rock he is NOT. 
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WDE

wesfau2

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2021, 10:34:01 AM »
Eh...it's a franchise that features gator-men, anthropomorphic sharks and a fucking weasel.

Strap in an enjoy the silly rampage action.

The big bad was...a FREAKING STARFISH!

I enjoyed it much more than the first installment.  
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Saniflush

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2021, 01:08:28 PM »
The big bad was...a FREAKING STARFISH!


You have a big bad starfish
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

WiregrassTiger

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2021, 01:27:39 PM »
You have a big bad starfish
Picture or it didn’t happen.
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GH2001

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2021, 03:15:09 PM »
Picture or it didn’t happen.
Ohh...he has pictures. Just not for you.
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wesfau2

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2021, 03:30:34 PM »
You have a big bad starfish
Say it like you mean it.  Say it like it dominated you, pleighboi!
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Kaos

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2021, 10:54:14 AM »
Eh...it's a franchise that features gator-men, anthropomorphic sharks and a fucking weasel.

Strap in an enjoy the silly rampage action.

The big bad was...a FREAKING STARFISH!

I enjoyed it much more than the first installment. 
I'm big on accepting things for what they are.  It's why I didn't bash the Transformers movies.  

There was nothing to enjoy.  Everything about it was wrong.  I know I'm in the minority.  The pinhead reviewers (who hate things that ARE fun) are gushing over this splattering turd.  

It was (to me) a very bad attempt at ripping off Guardians of the Galaxy by using shittier characters, adding more gore, and wailing obscure fuckloud songs that a) didn't fit the action, 2) sucked and finally *) made no sense. 

I preferred the first one for a number of reasons.  More cohesive story, better use of Harley, more believable team chemistry, less vulgarity just for the sake of vulgarity (does anyone really want to see Charles Miner screaming 'fuck you' at a 16 year old girl for six or seven minutes?), no groot-shark (worthless character), less Cheena talking about all the dicks he could eat... i could go on.  

I just found this gratingly unfunny and plodding.  

I got zero out of the stupid starfish.  Also didn't care at all for the not-so-subtle "America sucks worse than the Nazis!" positioning.

And finally? The cucksore director claiming that the movie bombing at the box office is because people won't get vaccinated?  Well.... fuck him/her/they/zhe/zhim or whatever.  Wish I hadn't watched it.  
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wesfau2

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2021, 10:59:15 AM »
I'm big on accepting things for what they are.  It's why I didn't bash the Transformers movies. 

There was nothing to enjoy.  Everything about it was wrong.  I know I'm in the minority.  The pinhead reviewers (who hate things that ARE fun) are gushing over this splattering turd. 

It was (to me) a very bad attempt at ripping off Guardians of the Galaxy by using shittier characters, adding more gore, and wailing obscure fuckloud songs that a) didn't fit the action, 2) sucked and finally *) made no sense.

I preferred the first one for a number of reasons.  More cohesive story, better use of Harley, more believable team chemistry, less vulgarity just for the sake of vulgarity (does anyone really want to see Charles Miner screaming 'fuck you' at a 16 year old girl for six or seven minutes?), no groot-shark (worthless character), less Cheena talking about all the dicks he could eat... i could go on. 

I just found this gratingly unfunny and plodding. 

I got zero out of the stupid starfish.  Also didn't care at all for the not-so-subtle "America sucks worse than the Nazis!" positioning.

And finally? The cucksore director claiming that the movie bombing at the box office is because people won't get vaccinated?  Well.... fuck him/her/they/zhe/zhim or whatever.  Wish I hadn't watched it. 
Fair enough.  I'll disagree on Harley, though.  Gunn gave her a bit more depth (necessary if they're going to make more) and made her a more useful character than just a hot ass in tighty shorts.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Kaos

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Re: Put a "The" in front of it...
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2021, 11:48:17 AM »
Fair enough.  I'll disagree on Harley, though.  Gunn gave her a bit more depth (necessary if they're going to make more) and made her a more useful character than just a hot ass in tighty shorts.
They haven't done Harley justice in any of them, really.  This movie did give her a little more to do, but I kind of liked the sass she carried in the first one. 

DC is a weird entity.  Their comic series and the graphic novels (not porn) are outstanding. Far, far, far better than Marvel.  

But they can't make a movie that isn't (usually fatally) flawed.  
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