Things aren't always what they seem....

[CCTAU]

The sheer nightgown

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500
in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and
model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea ... it's so
sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the
modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for
myself."

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least
iron it!"

He never heard the shot.

Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.

[Snaggletiger]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
Hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on
Celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...