When Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel had the audacity to compare Urban Meyer to Bear Bryant Almighty, it ruffled Paul Finebaum’s feathers. He found it his civic duty to write not one, but two articles obsessing over how blasphemous and sacrilegious it was to make such a claim. He then used it as an opportunity to drive the inane conversations of the inbred callers on his show for weeks, who were of course equally outraged.
I’m taking a page from Finebaum’s book. I too am going to take an article that I have recently read in which the author compares a head coach of whom I’m not a fan with a beloved figure, and obsess over how ridiculously stupid I think the comparison is.
When I heard the news on Saturday morning that Auburn had chosen Gene Chizik as its next head coach, I was devastated. How could we have let a future legend like Tuberville go due to a 5 win season, and then replace him with a guy who has a 5 win career as head coach?
This was bad. This was as devastating and catastrophic as September 11th or Pearl Harbor.
I mean…scratch that. A little over the top? Of course it is. What kind of insensitive prick would compare college football to those horrific events in American history? A comment like that could only come from a soulless heartless bastard of epic proportions.
Let’s go with Hindenburg. It was like the Hindenburg of Auburn football.
Starring: Clark W. Aubie as the Aubie family patriarch. Co-Starring Cousin Bama Eddie as Clark’s across-the-state inlaw. Also starring various members of the Aubie family. Featuring Jay Jacobs as the boss.
The scene: A wintry Christmas Eve in the Aubie family household. Family members from around the state, including Cousin Bama Eddie are gathered in anticipation of the season. Clark is anxious because he’s expecting a Christmas bonus in the form of a great new football coach from his boss, Jay Jacobs. As Christmas approaches, the gift hasn’t yet arrived.
There’s a knock at the door. Clark answers the knock to find a wimpy-looking delivery boy with an envelope.
Delivery boy: “I have a package for Clark W. Aubsman? I was supposed to deliver it yesterday, but uh, it fell between the seats and I didn’t see it. I’m sorry.”
By: Kevin Strickland
