Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Snaggletiger on October 30, 2015, 10:17:43 AM
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A man walks up to an incredibly sexy woman in a supermarket and says, "I've lost my wife. I can't find her anywhere. Will you talk to me for a minute?"
She asks, "Why do you want to talk to me?"
Because every time I start talking to a woman with tits like yours, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere.
Bada-Bing
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You may not know it but I have been very busy over the past 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about Golf. I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy.
Here is the Table of Contents from my new book, "Winning Golf Strategies", which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners.
Table Of Contents
Chapter 1 - How to properly line up your Fourth putt.
Chapter 2 - How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3 - How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to get more distance off the Shank.
Chapter 5 - When to give the Ranger the finger.
Chapter 6 - Using your shadow on the Greens to maximize earnings.
Chapter 7 - When to implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post, .... Undetected.
Chapter 10 - How to rationalize a 6 hour round.
Chapter 11 - How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
Chapter 12 - My favorite chapter is: Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 - How to let a Foursome play through your Twosome.
Chapter 14 - How to relax when you are hitting Three off the Tee.
Chapter 15 - When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.
Chapter 16 - God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.
Chapter 17 - When to regrip your Ball Retriever.
Chapter 18 - Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge.
Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy.
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How to properly line up your 4th putt
When to regrip your Ball Retriever
Gold
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Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.
Was a hard one to explain to the wife.
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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, how many does he have?
Diabetes. John has diabetes.
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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, WHAT does JOHN have?
Diabetes. John has diabetes.
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I got it. See, the joke is that the person answering is no longer concerned with the math once he hears that John has eaten 45 ca.....oh forget it.
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I got it. See, the joke is that the person answering is no longer concerned with the math once he hears that John has eaten 45 ca.....oh forget it.
Its all in the delivery, friend.
Example:
Take my ex-wife...
No. Really. Take her...
See?
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Its all in the delivery, friend.
Example:
Take my ex-wife...
No. Really. Take her...
See?
You're a regular Sid Seizure
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What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
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What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A man will actually search for a golf ball.
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What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
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Is it normal for your proctologist to invite you out for drinks after the exam?
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Is it normal for your proctologist to invite you out for drinks after the exam?
Of course it is.
Wait....I mean....that's not right.
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Is it normal for your proctologist to invite you out for drinks after the exam?
Be kind of shitty if he didn't.
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What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
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What time today is the funny supposed to start in this thread?
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What time today is the funny supposed to start in this thread?
At precisely 04:39:16 PM.