Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
Pat Dye Field => War Damn Eagle => Topic started by: Kaos on August 10, 2012, 10:15:54 AM
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Those dripping gaywads are "merging" their site with AU Family!
BAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAAA.... It the universe big enough to contain that much douche in one place?
BAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA
It's a match made in heaven. AuburnEagle constantly begging for money and AUFamily offering "shares"
BAAA HAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA...
How will the enormous ePenises of those two sites fit in the same gloryhole?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hehehehehe...
Oh, this is hilarious.
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Not only that, but their theme song is "War Eagle" by Jake Davis.
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I hear they're running a special. The first 100 bannings are FREE!!
With great excitement, today I am able to announce the next great chapter in our story: Auburn Eagle is joining forces with AUFAMILY to create the largest AU online community anywhere.
This strategic move, which has been in the works for many months, will multiply our collective member size and traffic and make us the preeminent destination for the entire Auburn Family to connect, exchange information and share our stories. (as long at the TONE is acceptable to Titan)
So what does this all mean for Auburn Eagle? It means that while our name and message board platform will soon change, the same guiding principles that we built this community on will remain. (especially the principle of banning anybody who pisses off a mod)
We have no intentions to drastically change this site or tear it down in any way. To the contrary, in the coming days and weeks, the Admins and Mods from both sites will be working around the clock to ensure a seamless integration of our community into AUFAMILY. (ePenii battle!!)
But it’s much better than just a platform and domain name change. Once the merger is complete (expected by kickoff), immediate benefits will include:
• Forums with comprehensive tools that enable you to discuss effortlessly: (as long at the TONE is acceptable to Titan)
Fully featured text editor with “what you see is what you get†functionality.
Automatic video and audio posting (when you post a link to a video from supported site, content is automatically displayed using the appropriate audio/video player).
Mobile skin for smart phone / tablet browsing!
Configurable notifications – Follow this topic/forum options.
Social network integration (i.e., Facebook and Twitter Connect). Also, share functionality to integrate your broader online experience with the site.
Customizable user profiles and status updates.
• Access to a fully-featured photo and multimedia sharing Gallery so members can upload photos and create their own albums.
• Real-time Chat and messaging to allow members to interact with each other instantly – great for gameday, national signing day, recruiting announcements and other live events.
• Interactive Blogs feature great AU contributors like StatTiger, The TigerTail Team and other special guest bloggers (TBA!).
• The return of a home page aggregating all of the AU news and information you could ever want.
• Support of a social media network that is 55,000+ strong and growing (become a fan/follower if you are not already)!
AUFAMILY on Facebook http://www.Facebook.com/AUFAMILY
AUFAMILY on Twitter http://www.Twitter.com/AUFAMILY
Even more to be announced in the coming months … and the best part … the world’s largest site for AU fans will continue to remain FREE for the entire AU Family.
So what do I need to do? In short, nothing (no need to go register over there, etc.) – we’re going to do everything for you! This Friday evening, the site will go offline as the transition process begins. Your user name, credentials, post history and all of the site’s content will be migrated over and integrated into AUFAMILY. This merge effort will continue through the weekend – your patience and understanding is appreciated! And Monday morning, we’ll be back open for business and ready to kickoff the 2012 season!
So strap in for the ride and hang on tight, good just got great and even bigger things are on the horizon.
War Eagle!
Hahahahahahahaha... a mass of gaping vaginas. Spectacular!
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I saw that and laughed my ass off... The funny thing is, there are certain people that like that bullshit...because people aren't allowed to be mean to them!!! :taunt:
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That song sucks azz. Emoticon central and the drill press talk show are combing forces to bring to you, ____________.
:facepalm:
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Auburn Eagle is joining forces with AUFAMILY to create the largest AU online community anywhere.
And yet we will still rank above them when you do a google search for Auburn forum
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And yet we will still rank above them when you do a google search for Auburn forum
Huzzah!!
As I am banned from both places, how does this merger impact my daily life?
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So strap in for the ride and hang on tight, good just got great and even bigger things are on the horizon.
I giggled
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Huzzah!!
As I am banned from both places....
And more than once.... :haha:
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I saw that and laughed my ass off... The funny thing is, there are certain people that like that bullshit...because people aren't allowed to be mean to them!!! :taunt:
Those fucksticks over there can't be any worst than the shitbags-cryfucks-over at ITAT.
Disagree with a mod or a regular poster over there and your GONE.
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I've never posted on either site I don't think. Maybe I need to go over there and get banned just for good measure.
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BTW if any lurkers from Auburn Eagle, want to strap on their big boy pants and come join an open forum y'all are welcome here.
Just register ;)
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Those fucksticks over there can't be any worst than the shitbags-cryfucks-over at ITAT.
Disagree with a mod or a regular poster over there and your GONE.
Anybody who has access to AUE should start poaching. I'd love to watch some of them come over here and last a day or two.
I need the comedy.
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I've never posted on either site I don't think. Maybe I need to go over there and get banned just for good measure.
I DARE you to get banned by the time they shut the doors at midnight.
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I'm thinking about re-joining. I'm tired of all you doo doo heads.
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ROFLMFAO...went to Auburn Eagle to see what it is...this is the first post I read...
Consider this your ONLY warning!
Auburn Eagle is a place to talk Auburn sports not throw Auburn coaches or student athletes under the bus. If you don't like what they are doing I don't mind you talking about it but do not talk about them individually. This place has turned into a circus b/c some of you have no life and think that every game and every play should be perfect. We are getting rid of the Rant section b/c it seems like a lot of the ranting is making its way over to the regular boards and the Mods and I am sick of it. Consider this your warning and NO DO NOT email me wondering why you got banned b/c you should already know. There has been 3-4 members email me about why they got banned and then I went back and looked at their posts and it was plain and simple why they got banned. You can take this for what it's worth and decide whether you wanna do things the Auburn Eagle way or take your posts somewhere else. Either way this place is changing for the good.
:facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:
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I DARE you to get banned by the time they shut the doors at midnight.
I can get banned in one post? Takers on that action?
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GF, how did you let this happen? I thought you were in negotiations with the Family. What the hell....oops, can I say hell? What kind of shit...damn...wait, I mean sorry....what kind of site you runnin' around here anyway?
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Anybody who has access to AUE should start poaching. I'd love to watch some of them come over here and last a day or two.
I need the comedy.
I do admit coming over here from ITAT you get thick skin and you get it quick. I had easier missions in the army.
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Giant massive gaping vaginas. These guys have no sense of the real world.
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Are these places like SEC Forums where half the posters are mods, and will say whatever the fuck they want, then ban you for fighting back?
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Are these places like SEC Forums where half the posters are mods, and will say whatever the fuck they want, then ban you for fighting back?
This guy gets it...
Why did I get banned from AUEagle? Disagreed in my normal polite way with a "long time poster" who was making unfounded assumptions about something I knew first hand.
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Are these places like SEC Forums where half the posters are mods, and will say whatever the fuck they want, then ban you for fighting back?
I'm only familiar with Ghey-U-Fambly. The "warning" you posted from AUE is about what you'd expect at Ghey-U. You may discuss strategy, but call Moseley the fucktard he is....and your warn meter will jump through the roof.
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I'm thinking about re-joining. I'm tired of all you doo doo heads.
YOU'VE BEEN BANNED FOR CALLING US DOO DOO HEADS!
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I'm only familiar with Ghey-U-Fambly. The "warning" you posted from AUE is about what you'd expect at Ghey-U. You may discuss strategy, but call Moseley the fucktard he is....and your warn meter will jump through the roof.
Moseley probably isn't really a fucktard, but he imitates one quite well when he's playing QB.
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I can get banned in one post? Takers on that action?
I'm in.
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Reading some posts on Auburn Eagle about the merge, and all I see is posters sucking the cock of all the mods and talking about how great they all are, and how great the site is because of the heavy moderation.
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Reading some posts on Auburn Eagle about the merge, and all I see is posters sucking the cock of all the mods and talking about how great they all are, and how great the site is because of the heavy moderation.
And Titan's e-penis is swelling as they speak...
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http://www.auburneagle.com/WEAForum/index.php?topic=47864.msg934702#msg934702
You guys better watch out for that drill press!
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http://www.auburneagle.com/WEAForum/index.php?topic=47864.msg934703#msg934703
http://www.auburneagle.com/WEAForum/index.php?topic=47864.msg934707#msg934707
Re: OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Auburn Eagle to merge with AUFAMILY
« Reply #310 on: Today at 10:26:07 AM »
Reply with quoteQuote
Quote from: wavector on Today at 10:22:26 AM
Are these places like SEC Forums where half the posters are mods, and will say whatever the **ck they want, then ban you for fighting back?
TitanTiger
Tiger Cub
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Posts: 39
No. It's not that easy to get banned. And while we will ask you to take arguments about the moderating to PM instead of cluttering the boards up with it, you can argue with a mod or admin. As long as it doesn't get too personal or devolve into nothing but name calling and not get in trouble.
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Interactive Blogs feature great AU contributors like StatTiger, The TigerTail Team and other special guest bloggers (TBA!).
I can't laugh hard enoough at this!
TBA? Whoooooooooo....sounds fun.....I'll have that!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Uh oh.
LexSteele
Ultimate Tiger
Posts: 509
Long live the trees
Re: OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Auburn Eagle to merge with AUFAMILY
« Reply #311 on: Today at 10:33:49 AM »
QuoteModify
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This is wonderful news! I am so glad to hear this site won't become trash like that tigersX site.
Report to moderator 67.59.211.61
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Uh oh.
Fucking pussies! LOL
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I DARE you to get banned by the time they shut the doors at midnight.
Oooooooh, don't dare me. A guy named Galen once told me that. Got banned with the bastard from AUC.
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Uh oh.
No worries
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I can't laugh hard enoough at this!
TBA? Whoooooooooo....sounds fun.....I'll have that!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
You don't think...Will they have the pull to get...naah.
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Uh oh.
They are welcome to come over to the X and saddle up. They won't even get banned.
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LexSteele
You know this guy is 6'3" 220 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.
Okay...he's 5'5" 148 with a bad acne problem on his back and arms and has an appointment Monday to have a huge boil taken off his neck. But LexSteele does sound badass
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Nobody is biting. Maybe we should carry this over to the football forum?
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LexSteele
You know this guy is 6'3" 220 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.
Okay...he's 5'5" 148 with a bad acne problem on his back and arms and has an appointment Monday to have a huge boil taken off his neck. But LexSteele does sound badass
Lex Steele....Bwahahahahaha... sounds like a bad male stripper name.
He's probably our version of Birmingham.
Hey, hows about we go over there and all get banned before midnight. Could be fun. Post porno pics, curse, talk about their mommas.
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Lex Steele....Bwahahahahaha... sounds like a bad male stripper name.
He's probably our version of Birmingham.
Hey, hows about we go over there and all get banned before midnight. Could be fun. Post porno pics, curse, talk about their mommas.
But he called my momma a whore!!!
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Not quite so sure why y'all are so concerned about our website and what our next move is..
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Not quite so sure why y'all are so concerned about our website and what our next move is..
Who is the concerned one? You were also concerned enough to come over. Now, bend over.
LexSteele
Ultimate Tiger
Posts: 509
Long live the trees
Re: OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Auburn Eagle to merge with AUFAMILY
« Reply #311 on: Today at 10:33:49 AM »
QuoteModify
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This is wonderful news! I am so glad to hear this site won't become trash like that tigersX site.
Report to moderator 67.59.211.61
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Not quite so sure why y'all are so concerned about our website and what our next move is..
No concern. Just laughter. We're bored
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No concern. Just laughter. We're bored
I wish he would bring a few more over. Not gonna be fun just ass fucking one of them. It's not even a fair fight.
And my God I hope he wasn't dumb enough to just register with his real name.
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Not quite so sure why y'all are so concerned about our website and what our next move is..
What Snaggle said. I think the consensus here is that this is a bad move for AuburnEagle.
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Not quite so sure why y'all are so concerned about our website and what our next move is..
Frankly I'm concerned. Very concerned.
Concerned that the concentration of douche in one site may hasten the Mayan apocalypse. I've got plans all the way through December 21 and I don't want a giant douchehole to suck things down early.
BTW, do you have a dog? Or perhaps a goat?
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What Snaggle said. I think the consensus here is that this is a bad move for AuburnEagle.
I only found out about AUFamily yesterday. What is wrong with them?
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Not quite so sure why y'all are so concerned about our website and what our next move is..
Are you an owner? Would you be interested in selling some shares?
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I only found out about AUFamily yesterday. What is wrong with them?
The question is: do you like farked pictures of yourself?
Does you dog like fistings by guys with big hands?
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Oh god...I am so lol-ing right now.
Welcome Logan stick around. We ain't bad once you knock the trash off.
However if you like a censorship, clean, site then AUF is perfect for you.
War Eagle!
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Oh god...I am so lol-ing right now.
Welcome Logan stick around. We ain't bad once you knock the trash off.
The fudge did I do? I come to figure out why y'all dislike AE and get dogged for it. Hahah
"Fudge"? :facepalm:
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The fuck did I do? I come to figure out why y'all dislike AE and get dogged for it. Hahah
You didn't do anything, it usually how we greet all new comers...ask Jake Davis. See we are more like a fraternity over here so hazing comes with the territory.
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I only found out about AUFamily yesterday. What is wrong with them?
This...posted earlier from AUEagle...is a carbon copy of what goes on daily at The Fambly. It's a collection of gheyness beyond gay, where mods live to flex their massive e-penises to keep everybody singing Cum-by-ya.
Consider this your ONLY warning!
Auburn Eagle is a place to talk Auburn sports not throw Auburn coaches or student athletes under the bus. If you don't like what they are doing I don't mind you talking about it but do not talk about them individually. This place has turned into a circus b/c some of you have no life and think that every game and every play should be perfect. We are getting rid of the Rant section b/c it seems like a lot of the ranting is making its way over to the regular boards and the Mods and I am sick of it. Consider this your warning and NO DO NOT email me wondering why you got banned b/c you should already know. There has been 3-4 members email me about why they got banned and then I went back and looked at their posts and it was plain and simple why they got banned. You can take this for what it's worth and decide whether you wanna do things the Auburn Eagle way or take your posts somewhere else. Either way this place is changing for the good.
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Disappointed that no one around here is interested in doing it the Auburn Eagle way. I haven't tried that one.
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The fudge did I do? I come to figure out why y'all dislike AE and get dogged for it. Hahah
"Fudge"? :facepalm:
That is only because you have your language filter on. It is automatically set to on because some of the pansies that post over here don't like the language we use when they are at work. You can turn it off through your profile. I actually saw that you wrote f.u.ck the first time.
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Wow, my account still works over there. Glorious things can be done with this.
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Disappointed that no one around here is interested in doing it the Auburn Eagle way. I haven't tried that one.
It is spectacular!
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The fudge did I do? I come to figure out why y'all dislike AE and get dogged for it. Hahah
"Fudge"? :facepalm:
I changed it for you...you should now see fuck mommy part ass dick
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So stay and do things the X way and post whatever you want, say whatever you want, have a beer or 17 and present your dog to Jumbo...sharpish
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So stay and do things the X way and post whatever you want, say whatever you want, have a beer or 17 and present your dog to Jumbo...sharpish
Hey no African American jokes ...pedophilia is ok though (http://www.tigersx.com/images/otay.png)
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The fudge did I do? I come to figure out why y'all dislike AE and get dogged for it. Hahah
"Fudge"? :facepalm:
Ummm, go read the other threads asshole. We do worse than this to each other. Its the X way.
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I changed it for you...you should now see fuck mommy part ass dick
No more Aymanmeat?
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Hey no African American jokes ...pedophilia is ok though (http://www.tigersx.com/images/otay.png)
K now I'm glad I joined.
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Wait, aren't you Mrs. Adams' boy?
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K now I'm glad I joined.
Now fudge off
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K now I'm glad I joined.
Quite possibly dare I say, you might not want to go back to those sites after seeing how open it is here.
When I say open I am not referring to our transgendered resident hobbit, Vandy Vol. Although I am sure he will be glad to oblige you an anal rimming. He's a giver and a taker. Your choice.
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Quite possibly dare I say, you might not want to go back to those sites after seeing how open it is here.
When I say open I am not referring to our transgendered resident hobbit, Vandy Vol. Although I am sure he will be glad to oblige you an anal rimming. He's a giver and a taker. Your choice.
Huh...you learn something new every day. I thought he was strictly a catcher.
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(http://static.tumblr.com/r9fo5rr/3l3lwt291/skull1.gif)
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(http://static.tumblr.com/r9fo5rr/3l3lwt291/skull1.gif)
It's early, but you might just survive this place.
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It's early, but you might just survive this place.
Don't see any way how I wouldn't.
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No [img] tags in your signature? The fuck is that?
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Don't see any way how I wouldn't.
Ask this guy:
Vaginaham (http://www.tigersx.com/forum/index.php?topic=10089.0)
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Don't see any way how I wouldn't.
And...if you have a sister, maybe you could get her to sign up too?
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Don't see any way how I wouldn't.
We really do have only two rules here.
No nudity in avatars, although you can see, boundaries are stretched and no racism (course that boundary seems to get stretched sometime as well.)
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No [img] tags in your signature? The fuck is that?
Clutters up the site...I made the avatars bigger for that reason.
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And...if you have a sister, maybe you could get her to sign up too?
And have her two of her female friends about us. Then they can each tell two female friends...
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Clutters up the site...I made the avatars bigger for that reason.
Another example of a mod ruling with an iron penis
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Clutters up the site...I made the avatars bigger for that reason.
Touché
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Disappointed that no one around here is interested in doing it the Auburn Eagle way. I haven't tried that one.
The AE way? That means each person is fully clothed and lays as close to their own edge of the bed as possible while holding hands and simultaneously singing the Barney song and reciting the Creed, with all the lights on in the bedroom.
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The AE way? That means each person is fully clothed and lays as close to their own edge of the bed as possible while holding hands and singing the Barney song and reciting the Creed. Oh, and you have to leave all the lights on in the bedroom.
So, that was you peeking through the window.
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So, that was you peeking through the window.
It was HAWT, baby.
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Drop down and getcha eagle on girl
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Disappointed that no one around here is interested in doing it the Auburn Eagle way. I haven't tried that one.
Feathers and claws? Anybody want to do that with me?
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and no racism (course that boundary seems to get stretched sometime as well.)
Only with swarthy Asians
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Don't see any way how I wouldn't.
How long are your arms? There's a minimum.
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Only with swarthy Asians
And hobbits - wait... are they a race or a separate species?
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And hobbits - wait... are they a race or a separate species?
Depends on what they are willing to hump...
Kind of like midgets.
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We really do have only two rules here.
No nudity in avatars, although you can see, boundaries are stretched and no racism (course that boundary seems to get stretched sometime as well.)
Only against the whites.
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Only with swarthy Asians
Yeah but no one likes Asians, so they don't count.
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Hey Logan,
See if you can merge yourself with my donkey dick.
Sincerely,
Honey Badger
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Let the ePenis battle begin!
Fear from AUE:
I just went to their site and it looks like alot of our "banned" members are there. It will be like a homecoming visiting with those family members who acted inappropriately and were sent away. It seems like there is a lot of AE Mod hatred over there too. I can foresee some transition hiccups with some over there not particularly fond of our MODS and our Mods probably one time banning them.
From AUF:
You guys realize that I'm permabanned on Auburn eagle, right? LMFAO.
From AUF: Our long-standing Board Rules which have served us well for 10+ years will remain in place.
Pre-anouncement AE banned members who are in good standing here do not have anything to worry about.
Going forward our rules, which have been in place for quite awhile, will continue to be the law of the land
One reason this forum has been so successful is the freedom offered to posters. The down side is that they let turds in. The up side is as long as you don't get carried away you can really beeyotch slap someone here. Especially if they're asking for it. This guy needs medication.
(http://heiringhoff.net/gallery2/d/61027-1/Epenis.jpg)
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They are so free at AUFamily that you can do basically anything!...*
*Except:
Alabama
A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms.
Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m.
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
Hunting is not allowed on Sunday.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
It is legal to drive the wrong way on a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.
It's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."
Jasper: It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
Masks may not be worn in public
Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
Mobile: It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.
Montgomery: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses.
No persons may sell "blow-out nuts".
Peanuts are not allowed to be sold in Lee County, Alabama after sunset on Wednesdays.
Pool halls may not be operated between 11:30 PM and 6 AM.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.
The game of crackaloo is illegal in Fairfield, Ala.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
You may not drive barefooted.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
Alaska
A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear and take a picture for photo opportunities.
Fairbanks: It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
Arizona
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West).
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
Due to a typographical error in the Tempe, Ariz., code, a shooting range can be run by the "Amateur Crapshooting Association."
Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down.
In Arizona it is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
Prescott: No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Tucson: Women may not wear pants.
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
Arkansas
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
An Arkansas legislator not long ago proposed that the state provide growth hormones to dwarfs.
Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"
At Arkansas State University two people cannot hold hands while standing in a doorway unless they belong to a union.
Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.
It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas in that state.
Little Rock: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M.
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
California
Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
A server in California can be convicted of selling to a minor if the purchaser uses a false or altered ID to buy the alcohol.
Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Bathhouses are against the law.
Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds
Carmel Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)
Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
California only fairly recently legalized the sale of alcoholic beverages in nudist colonies.
Car wash attendants in San Francisco, California may not use old pairs of underware to wash or dry vehicles.
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
Downey: It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).
Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
In 1838, the city of Los Angeles passed an ordinance requiring that a man obtain a license before serenading a woman.
In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
In Berkeley, Calif., you can't whistle for an escaped bird before 7 a.m.
In 1930, the City Council of Ontario passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.
In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
In California it is illegal to have caller ID
In California it's against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
In California, selling a gold piece without tooth marks in it is considered forgery.
In Los Angeles, years ago it was legal to cook in your bedroom, but not to sleep in your kitchen.
In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
In the 1940's, California law made it illegal to serve alcohol to a gay person.
In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance.
In San Francisco it's illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
In San Francisco, it's illegal to beat a rug in front of your house.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
It is a violation of the California Alcoholic Beverage Control Act for producers of alcohol beverages to list the names of retailers or restaurants that sell their products in advertising or even in newsletters.
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
It is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
Lafayette: You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.
Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".
Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage
It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
Los Angeles law forbids hunting moths under a street light.
Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Oakland, Calif., makes it illegal to grow a tree in front of your neighbor's window and block his view. However, you're off the hook if the tree is one that town officials consider an attractive tree, such as a redwood or box elder.
One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
Ontario: Roosters may not crow in the city limits.
Pacific Grove: Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
Palm Springs: It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.
San Francisco has an ordinance prohibiting "cane games." City officials have no idea what cane games are. But when revising city laws recently, officials decided to keep the prohibition on the books, in case someday, somehow, cane games came back, they were deemed improper and the city needed the law.
San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
San Francisco: Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street
San Francisco bans any "mechanical device that reproduces obscene language."
San Francisco prohibits kerchoo powders and stink balls.
San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs.
Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Temecula: Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name "San Francisco." It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.
The Santa Monica, Calif., City Council recently proposed that men be allowed to use women's public restrooms when there's a line of three or more at the mens' room, and vice versa.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
You can be fined $500 if you bother a butterfly in Pacific Grove, Ca.
Colorado
Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park
Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.
In Colorado it's now legal to remove the furniture tags that say, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law."
In Denver, Colorado it is illegal for Barber's to give massages to nude customers unless it is for instructional purposes.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
It is against the law in Pueblo, Colorado, to raise or permit a dandelion to grow within the city limits.
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep in Logan County, Colorado.
It is illegal for a woman wearing a red dress to be out on the streets after 7 PM.
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver.
Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days.
Pueblo: It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
Sterling: Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
Connecticut
A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces
Balloons with advertising on them are illegal in Hartford, Conn.
Bloomfield, Conn: It's against the law to eat in your car.
Cattle branding in the United States did not originate in the West. It began in Connecticut in the mid-nineteenth century, when farmers were required by law to mark all their pigs.
Devon: It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Druggists in Connecticut must pay $400.00 each year for a license in order to use alcohol in compounding prescriptions.
Guilford: Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
Hartford: You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
In colonial times, Hartford, Conn., had an ordinance that allowed any resident to rent the town chain for 2 pence.
In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
In Connecticut it is illegal to pirouette while crossing the street
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Hartford, Conn., it's illegal to plant a tree in the street.
In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
In Simsbury, Conn., it's illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.
It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
It's illegal to clam at night in Connecticut.
New Britain: It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
Southington: Silly string is banned.
Strangers in Simsbury, Conn., were required, under an ordinance enacted in 1701 and only recently repealed, to leave town within a month unless they had at least 20 shillings to their names.
The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited.
This state still retains an old law forbidding any kind of "private sexual behavior between consenting adults."
Under the Code of 1650 in the New Haven Colony (in what is now Connecticut), a 16-year-old boy could be put to death if he "cursed, struck or disobeyed" his parents or was "stubborn or rebellious."
Waterbury: It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
You may not educate dogs.
Delaware
Delaware prohibits horse racing of any kind on Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
In Delaware it is illegal to get married on a dare.
In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Lewes: It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist
D.C.
A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
In Washington D.C. it is illegal to post a notice in public which calls another person a 'coward' for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.
It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place in the District of Columbia.
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
The U.S. government says it's a crime to give false weather reports.
Florida
Apparently with an exaggerated idea of the laws of thermal dynamics, the city council of West Palm Beach, Fla., once decreed that the roofs of all outhouses be fireproof.
Don't plan on using any of the celebratory Champagne bottle sizes known as Methuselahs, Salamanazars, Balthazars or Nebuchadnezzars. These very traditional Champagne bottle sizes are all illegal in Florida.
Florida deals with its prostitution problem by giving prostitutes spending money, a five-year banishment, and a bus ticket out of town.
Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Hialeah: Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
In Florida failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
In Florida it is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
In Florida, men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
In Miami, Florida it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Miami Shores Village, Fla., has for years required that all goods made in Communist countries and offered for sale in Miami Shores Village be clearly marked as such. The ordinance notes that such goods are often marked in a "false, misleading or inadequate manner, to hide their Communist origins."
In Sarasota it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.
It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
It's against a Key West, Fla., ordinance to spit on a church floor.
It's illegal in Florida for an unmarried man and woman to live together in "open and gross lewdness." Connecticut once had a similar law, but only the woman was penalized.
Key West: Chickens are considered a 'protected species'.
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
Pinecrest: In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
Sanford Stage: Nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
Sarasota: If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00
You may not catch crabs.
Tampa Bay: It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
Under a 1959 ordinance, stubborn children were considered vagrants in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. The salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
Georgia
Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
An old law in Columbus, Ga., made it illegal to sit on your porch in an indecent position.
A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
Georgia has 75 laws on how to build rice paddies, even though the state has only one rice farm left. Rice was the state's No. 1 crop before the Civil War. But right after the war, a hurricane destroyed all the paddies and ponds. It was too expensive to replace them without slaves, so the Rice State began growing peaches, peanuts and other crops.
Georgia officials were revising their state laws in 1981, and noticed they still allowed pensions for Confederate widows. That week the last widow died. Lawmakers bowed their heads, and deleted the law.
In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position.
In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro.
It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
One man may not be on another man's back.
Signs are required to be written in English.
St. Mary's: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.
Hawaii
All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician.
It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all "lawful and moral" commands of their parents.
It's illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.
You will be fined if you do not own a boat.
Idaho
Boise: Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.
Idaho Falls, Idaho: If you're 88 years of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Idaho walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
In Idaho, a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
It's illegal to hunt from the back of an animal.
Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
The town of Idaho Falls, Idaho, forbids anyone over the age of eighty-eight to ride a motorcycle.
You may not fish on a camel's back.
Illinois
"Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. (Repealed)
According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
An Illinois state law requires that a man's female companion shall call him "master" while out on a date. The law does not apply to married couples.
Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
Fairfield: It is unlawful for "Negroes" to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn't have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer's face.
In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
In Chicago, Illinois, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.
In Minoola, Ill., it's illegal to take your clothes off and "expose the naked
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog.
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
It's not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, Ill., makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
Joliet: Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
The English language is not to be spoken.
The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
Under a 1872 law still on the books, an alderman in Chicago can carry a gun. Some do.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
Zion: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
Indiana
"Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor.
A sports agent is supposed to give a college 10 days notice before luring a star athlete into the professional ranks.
A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
Drinks on the house are illegal.
Due to a typographical error, a routine ordinance in Shelbyville, Ind., about charging for bad checks started out: "Whereas, the city of Shelbyville through its various governmental fascists receives numerous checks..." This was changed to "governmental facets."
Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It's In the Book".
Gary: Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
It is illegal in Elkhart, Indiana, for a barber to threaten to cut off a youngster's ears.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
South Bend: It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
It’s illegal to spit on the sidewalk.
The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table, the waiter or waitress has to do it.
You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.
Iowa
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
In Marshalltown horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
Indianola: The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.
Kansas
In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
It is illegal to hunt whales.
It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival.
No one may wear a bee in their hat.
Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
Russell: Musical car horns are banned
Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
Kentucky
A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation "shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large." Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."
All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars."
Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100).
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".
Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint "three intelligent housekeepers" to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
In Danville, Ky., it's illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
In Kentucky, according to an old law, it's illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It's not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense.
No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500.
Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission.
All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease.
Louisiana
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".
Communism has been against the law in Haines City, La., since 1950.
If you've ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, you'll see the kings and queens on the various floats throwing plastic money, medallions and jewels to the crowd, but not food. It's against the law to throw food from a float in the Mardi Gras festivities.
It is against state law to steal even a single crawfish.
It is illegal to gargle in public places.
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
It is illegal in Lafayette, Louisiana to play a musical instrument for the purpose of attracting attention, without a license.
It's legal to walk down the street with a drink in New Orleans, even to drive with a drink. But if you fall over and block the sidewalk, you've just broken the law.
Louisiana law prohibits couples who are shopping for a new bed from putting it to the "ultimate test"-- in other words, from trying it out by making love on it, or even simulating this activity.
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
New Orleans: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
Maine
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
It's illegal to clean salmon along Maine's upper Kennebec River. Enforcement of this law has been made easier for many years by the fact that, because of a dam, there are no salmon on the upper Kennebec River.
In Maine, it is illegal to sell a car on Sunday unless it comes equipped with plumbing.
In Maine it's illegal to catch lobsters with your bare hands.
In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.
It's unlawful to tickle a woman's chin with a feather duster in Portland.
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
Maryland
Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited.
Baltimore has regulations governing the disposal of hog's heads, pet droppings and oyster shells.
Columbia: You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish. Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
Gypsies should steer clear of Caroline County, Md., where it's a $100 fine or six months in the can for "forecasting or pretending to foretell the future."
In Baltimore it's illegal to block the sidewalk with a box. But the offense only carries a $1 fine. Another law makes it illegal to throw bale of hay (or of anything else) out a second-story window. That gets you a $20 fine.
In Baltimore it's illegal to play professional croquet before 2 p.m. Sunday. The law also applies to professional quoits.
In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.
In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
In Halethrope, Maryland kisses longer than one second are illegal.
In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband's pockets while he is sleeping.
In Maryland, men may not buy drinks for female bartenders.
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
In Maryland, the legislature once proposed a board of parachute examiners to be made up of five licensed parachute instructors who would test and license all other parachute instructors. The plan had been abandoned when it was learned there were only three licensed parachute instructors in the state.
It is a violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine.
Maryland now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.
Ocean City: A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk.
Thistles may not grow in one's yard.
You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.
You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.
Massachusetts
A Boston mayor who disliked dancing and liked to retire early once banned midnight dancing in the Hub City.
A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.
Both Massachusetts and New Hampshire had old laws that penalized gamblers who lost money. You'd get fined in Massachusetts if you had any money left.
Bullets may not be used as currency.
Burlington: You may not walk around with a "drink".
Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk. It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.
Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.
Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
Holyoke, Massachusetts, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
In a law that predates returnable bottles and cans, it's illegal in Boston to rummage through rubbish containers.
In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.
In Boston it's illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal. It's also against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole.
In Boston, it's illegal to cut firewood in the street, or shoot a bow and arrow in the street.
In Boston it's against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable. If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you're overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can't leave it in the street.
In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.
In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
In Massachusetts you must have a license to wear a goatee.
In Massachusetts, if you get caught eating peanuts in church , you can be jailed for up to one year.
In Provincetown, Mass., it's illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday.
In Salem, Massachesetts sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost.
It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine
It's illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.
It's illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.
It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
Massachusetts law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town's mayor.
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Public boxing matches are outlawed.
Quakers and witches are banned.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Southbridge, Massachusetts, makes it illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.
Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
Under an old law in Marblehead, Mass., it was illegal to cross the street on Sunday, unless absolutely necessary.
Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to "walk around" with a beer in your hand.
You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.
You may not curse inside the city limits.
You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.
Michigan
A Michigan law states that a wife's hair legally belongs to her husband : a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
In Detroit, Michigan it is illegal to sleep in a bathtub.
In Rochester, Michigan, anyone bathing in public must have his or her bath
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Are they having a bank merger or something? Maybe even a government takeover? Will the
public have a chance to vote?
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LexSteele
You know this guy is 6'3" 220 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.
Okay...he's 5'5" 148 with a bad acne problem on his back and arms and has an appointment Monday to have a huge boil taken off his neck. But LexSteele does sound badass
This boil?
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u1/miked0003/04305zit26pz.jpg)
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This boil?
You are a fucking asshole to post that right after lunch.
Bastard.
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(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u1/miked0003/whew-cattle-sheep-humans-sex-animals-highway-roads-signs-war-demotivational-poster-12548512761.jpg)
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You are a fucking asshole to post that right after lunch.
Bastard.
There goes the Willy T's Hamburger with mayo and the side order of cole slaw.
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You are a fucking asshole to post that right after lunch.
Bastard.
Hey new guy, this is a Complement over here.
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(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u1/miked0003/whew-cattle-sheep-humans-sex-animals-highway-roads-signs-war-demotivational-poster-12548512761.jpg)
That one is simply majestic.
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Hey new guy, this is a Complement over here.
And from one of the womenfolk no less.
You're still a bastard.
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They are so free at AUFamily that you can do basically anything!...*
*Except:
Alabama
A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms.
Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m.
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
Hunting is not allowed on Sunday.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
It is legal to drive the wrong way on a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.
It's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."
Jasper: It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
Masks may not be worn in public
Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
Mobile: It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.
Montgomery: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses.
No persons may sell "blow-out nuts".
Peanuts are not allowed to be sold in Lee County, Alabama after sunset on Wednesdays.
Pool halls may not be operated between 11:30 PM and 6 AM.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.
The game of crackaloo is illegal in Fairfield, Ala.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
You may not drive barefooted.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
Alaska
A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear and take a picture for photo opportunities.
Fairbanks: It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
Arizona
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West).
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
Due to a typographical error in the Tempe, Ariz., code, a shooting range can be run by the "Amateur Crapshooting Association."
Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down.
In Arizona it is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
Prescott: No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Tucson: Women may not wear pants.
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
Arkansas
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
An Arkansas legislator not long ago proposed that the state provide growth hormones to dwarfs.
Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"
At Arkansas State University two people cannot hold hands while standing in a doorway unless they belong to a union.
Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.
It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas in that state.
Little Rock: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M.
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
California
Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
A server in California can be convicted of selling to a minor if the purchaser uses a false or altered ID to buy the alcohol.
Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Bathhouses are against the law.
Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds
Carmel Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)
Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
California only fairly recently legalized the sale of alcoholic beverages in nudist colonies.
Car wash attendants in San Francisco, California may not use old pairs of underware to wash or dry vehicles.
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
Downey: It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).
Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
In 1838, the city of Los Angeles passed an ordinance requiring that a man obtain a license before serenading a woman.
In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
In Berkeley, Calif., you can't whistle for an escaped bird before 7 a.m.
In 1930, the City Council of Ontario passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.
In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
In California it is illegal to have caller ID
In California it's against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
In California, selling a gold piece without tooth marks in it is considered forgery.
In Los Angeles, years ago it was legal to cook in your bedroom, but not to sleep in your kitchen.
In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
In the 1940's, California law made it illegal to serve alcohol to a gay person.
In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance.
In San Francisco it's illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
In San Francisco, it's illegal to beat a rug in front of your house.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
It is a violation of the California Alcoholic Beverage Control Act for producers of alcohol beverages to list the names of retailers or restaurants that sell their products in advertising or even in newsletters.
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
It is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
Lafayette: You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.
Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".
Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage
It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
Los Angeles law forbids hunting moths under a street light.
Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Oakland, Calif., makes it illegal to grow a tree in front of your neighbor's window and block his view. However, you're off the hook if the tree is one that town officials consider an attractive tree, such as a redwood or box elder.
One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
Ontario: Roosters may not crow in the city limits.
Pacific Grove: Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
Palm Springs: It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.
San Francisco has an ordinance prohibiting "cane games." City officials have no idea what cane games are. But when revising city laws recently, officials decided to keep the prohibition on the books, in case someday, somehow, cane games came back, they were deemed improper and the city needed the law.
San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
San Francisco: Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street
San Francisco bans any "mechanical device that reproduces obscene language."
San Francisco prohibits kerchoo powders and stink balls.
San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs.
Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Temecula: Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name "San Francisco." It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.
The Santa Monica, Calif., City Council recently proposed that men be allowed to use women's public restrooms when there's a line of three or more at the mens' room, and vice versa.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
You can be fined $500 if you bother a butterfly in Pacific Grove, Ca.
Colorado
Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park
Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.
In Colorado it's now legal to remove the furniture tags that say, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law."
In Denver, Colorado it is illegal for Barber's to give massages to nude customers unless it is for instructional purposes.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
It is against the law in Pueblo, Colorado, to raise or permit a dandelion to grow within the city limits.
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep in Logan County, Colorado.
It is illegal for a woman wearing a red dress to be out on the streets after 7 PM.
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver.
Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days.
Pueblo: It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
Sterling: Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
Connecticut
A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces
Balloons with advertising on them are illegal in Hartford, Conn.
Bloomfield, Conn: It's against the law to eat in your car.
Cattle branding in the United States did not originate in the West. It began in Connecticut in the mid-nineteenth century, when farmers were required by law to mark all their pigs.
Devon: It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Druggists in Connecticut must pay $400.00 each year for a license in order to use alcohol in compounding prescriptions.
Guilford: Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
Hartford: You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
In colonial times, Hartford, Conn., had an ordinance that allowed any resident to rent the town chain for 2 pence.
In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
In Connecticut it is illegal to pirouette while crossing the street
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Hartford, Conn., it's illegal to plant a tree in the street.
In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
In Simsbury, Conn., it's illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.
It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
It's illegal to clam at night in Connecticut.
New Britain: It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
Southington: Silly string is banned.
Strangers in Simsbury, Conn., were required, under an ordinance enacted in 1701 and only recently repealed, to leave town within a month unless they had at least 20 shillings to their names.
The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited.
This state still retains an old law forbidding any kind of "private sexual behavior between consenting adults."
Under the Code of 1650 in the New Haven Colony (in what is now Connecticut), a 16-year-old boy could be put to death if he "cursed, struck or disobeyed" his parents or was "stubborn or rebellious."
Waterbury: It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
You may not educate dogs.
Delaware
Delaware prohibits horse racing of any kind on Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
In Delaware it is illegal to get married on a dare.
In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Lewes: It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist
D.C.
A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
In Washington D.C. it is illegal to post a notice in public which calls another person a 'coward' for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.
It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place in the District of Columbia.
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
The U.S. government says it's a crime to give false weather reports.
Florida
Apparently with an exaggerated idea of the laws of thermal dynamics, the city council of West Palm Beach, Fla., once decreed that the roofs of all outhouses be fireproof.
Don't plan on using any of the celebratory Champagne bottle sizes known as Methuselahs, Salamanazars, Balthazars or Nebuchadnezzars. These very traditional Champagne bottle sizes are all illegal in Florida.
Florida deals with its prostitution problem by giving prostitutes spending money, a five-year banishment, and a bus ticket out of town.
Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Hialeah: Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
In Florida failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
In Florida it is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
In Florida, men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
In Miami, Florida it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Miami Shores Village, Fla., has for years required that all goods made in Communist countries and offered for sale in Miami Shores Village be clearly marked as such. The ordinance notes that such goods are often marked in a "false, misleading or inadequate manner, to hide their Communist origins."
In Sarasota it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.
It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
It's against a Key West, Fla., ordinance to spit on a church floor.
It's illegal in Florida for an unmarried man and woman to live together in "open and gross lewdness." Connecticut once had a similar law, but only the woman was penalized.
Key West: Chickens are considered a 'protected species'.
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
Pinecrest: In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
Sanford Stage: Nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
Sarasota: If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00
You may not catch crabs.
Tampa Bay: It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
Under a 1959 ordinance, stubborn children were considered vagrants in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. The salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
Georgia
Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
An old law in Columbus, Ga., made it illegal to sit on your porch in an indecent position.
A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
Georgia has 75 laws on how to build rice paddies, even though the state has only one rice farm left. Rice was the state's No. 1 crop before the Civil War. But right after the war, a hurricane destroyed all the paddies and ponds. It was too expensive to replace them without slaves, so the Rice State began growing peaches, peanuts and other crops.
Georgia officials were revising their state laws in 1981, and noticed they still allowed pensions for Confederate widows. That week the last widow died. Lawmakers bowed their heads, and deleted the law.
In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position.
In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro.
It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
One man may not be on another man's back.
Signs are required to be written in English.
St. Mary's: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.
Hawaii
All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician.
It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all "lawful and moral" commands of their parents.
It's illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.
You will be fined if you do not own a boat.
Idaho
Boise: Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.
Idaho Falls, Idaho: If you're 88 years of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Idaho walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
In Idaho, a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
It's illegal to hunt from the back of an animal.
Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
The town of Idaho Falls, Idaho, forbids anyone over the age of eighty-eight to ride a motorcycle.
You may not fish on a camel's back.
Illinois
"Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. (Repealed)
According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
An Illinois state law requires that a man's female companion shall call him "master" while out on a date. The law does not apply to married couples.
Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
Fairfield: It is unlawful for "Negroes" to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn't have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer's face.
In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
In Chicago, Illinois, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.
In Minoola, Ill., it's illegal to take your clothes off and "expose the naked
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog.
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
It's not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, Ill., makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
Joliet: Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
The English language is not to be spoken.
The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
Under a 1872 law still on the books, an alderman in Chicago can carry a gun. Some do.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
Zion: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
Indiana
"Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor.
A sports agent is supposed to give a college 10 days notice before luring a star athlete into the professional ranks.
A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
Drinks on the house are illegal.
Due to a typographical error, a routine ordinance in Shelbyville, Ind., about charging for bad checks started out: "Whereas, the city of Shelbyville through its various governmental fascists receives numerous checks..." This was changed to "governmental facets."
Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It's In the Book".
Gary: Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
It is illegal in Elkhart, Indiana, for a barber to threaten to cut off a youngster's ears.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
South Bend: It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
It’s illegal to spit on the sidewalk.
The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table, the waiter or waitress has to do it.
You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.
Iowa
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
In Marshalltown horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
Indianola: The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.
Kansas
In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
It is illegal to hunt whales.
It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival.
No one may wear a bee in their hat.
Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
Russell: Musical car horns are banned
Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
Kentucky
A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation "shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large." Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."
All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars."
Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100).
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".
Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint "three intelligent housekeepers" to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
In Danville, Ky., it's illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
In Kentucky, according to an old law, it's illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It's not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense.
No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500.
Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission.
All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease.
Louisiana
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".
Communism has been against the law in Haines City, La., since 1950.
If you've ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, you'll see the kings and queens on the various floats throwing plastic money, medallions and jewels to the crowd, but not food. It's against the law to throw food from a float in the Mardi Gras festivities.
It is against state law to steal even a single crawfish.
It is illegal to gargle in public places.
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
It is illegal in Lafayette, Louisiana to play a musical instrument for the purpose of attracting attention, without a license.
It's legal to walk down the street with a drink in New Orleans, even to drive with a drink. But if you fall over and block the sidewalk, you've just broken the law.
Louisiana law prohibits couples who are shopping for a new bed from putting it to the "ultimate test"-- in other words, from trying it out by making love on it, or even simulating this activity.
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
New Orleans: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
Maine
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
It's illegal to clean salmon along Maine's upper Kennebec River. Enforcement of this law has been made easier for many years by the fact that, because of a dam, there are no salmon on the upper Kennebec River.
In Maine, it is illegal to sell a car on Sunday unless it comes equipped with plumbing.
In Maine it's illegal to catch lobsters with your bare hands.
In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.
It's unlawful to tickle a woman's chin with a feather duster in Portland.
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
Maryland
Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited.
Baltimore has regulations governing the disposal of hog's heads, pet droppings and oyster shells.
Columbia: You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish. Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
Gypsies should steer clear of Caroline County, Md., where it's a $100 fine or six months in the can for "forecasting or pretending to foretell the future."
In Baltimore it's illegal to block the sidewalk with a box. But the offense only carries a $1 fine. Another law makes it illegal to throw bale of hay (or of anything else) out a second-story window. That gets you a $20 fine.
In Baltimore it's illegal to play professional croquet before 2 p.m. Sunday. The law also applies to professional quoits.
In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.
In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
In Halethrope, Maryland kisses longer than one second are illegal.
In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband's pockets while he is sleeping.
In Maryland, men may not buy drinks for female bartenders.
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
In Maryland, the legislature once proposed a board of parachute examiners to be made up of five licensed parachute instructors who would test and license all other parachute instructors. The plan had been abandoned when it was learned there were only three licensed parachute instructors in the state.
It is a violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine.
Maryland now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.
Ocean City: A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk.
Thistles may not grow in one's yard.
You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.
You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.
Massachusetts
A Boston mayor who disliked dancing and liked to retire early once banned midnight dancing in the Hub City.
A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.
Both Massachusetts and New Hampshire had old laws that penalized gamblers who lost money. You'd get fined in Massachusetts if you had any money left.
Bullets may not be used as currency.
Burlington: You may not walk around with a "drink".
Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk. It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.
Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.
Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
Holyoke, Massachusetts, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
In a law that predates returnable bottles and cans, it's illegal in Boston to rummage through rubbish containers.
In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.
In Boston it's illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal. It's also against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole.
In Boston, it's illegal to cut firewood in the street, or shoot a bow and arrow in the street.
In Boston it's against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable. If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you're overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can't leave it in the street.
In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.
In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
In Massachusetts you must have a license to wear a goatee.
In Massachusetts, if you get caught eating peanuts in church , you can be jailed for up to one year.
In Provincetown, Mass., it's illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday.
In Salem, Massachesetts sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost.
It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine
It's illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.
It's illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.
It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
Massachusetts law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town's mayor.
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Public boxing matches are outlawed.
Quakers and witches are banned.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Southbridge, Massachusetts, makes it illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.
Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
Under an old law in Marblehead, Mass., it was illegal to cross the street on Sunday, unless absolutely necessary.
Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to "walk around" with a beer in your hand.
You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.
You may not curse inside the city limits.
You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.
Michigan
A Michigan law states that a wife's hair legally belongs to her husband : a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
In Detroit, Michigan it is illegal to sleep in a bathtub.
In
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O' really?
By the way AWK, I ganked a portion of those "rules" to post on AE. Funny shit.
-
O' really?
By the way AWK, I ganked a portion of those "rules" to post on AE. Funny shit.
Exactly.
-
I wonder if we should challenge the other boards to a winner take all domination of Auburn message boards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Zro4CfP9wY
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You are a fucking asshole to post that right after lunch.
Bastard.
-
I'm a douché
yes...yes you are.
-
yes...yes you are.
Some people around here will settle for that just to get some pussy.
-
Our long-standing Board Rules which have served us well for 10+ years
:rofl:
-
I wonder if we should challenge the other boards to a winner take all domination of Auburn message boards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Zro4CfP9wY
I killed a man with a trident.
-
You should probably lay low for a while.
-
:rofl:
The biggest question to come from this merger:
Will mods outnumber participants?
AE has approximately 240 mods at varying levels of modicity.
AUF has several dozen epenises bulging around.
Will mods be mods? If not, it would almost be worth creating an AUF account just to berate some of the former AE mods and verce-visa.
In fact, that would be fun anyway.
Anybody interested in a Monday assault?
-
The biggest question to come from this merger:
Will mods outnumber participants?
AE has approximately 240 mods at varying levels of modicity.
AUF has several dozen epenises bulging around.
Will mods be mods? If not, it would almost be worth creating an AUF account just to berate some of the former AE mods and verce-visa.
In fact, that would be fun anyway.
Anybody interested in a Monday assault?
I'm in.
-
The biggest question to come from this merger:
Will mods outnumber participants?
AE has approximately 240 mods at varying levels of modicity.
AUF has several dozen epenises bulging around.
Will mods be mods? If not, it would almost be worth creating an AUF account just to berate some of the former AE mods and verce-visa.
In fact, that would be fun anyway.
Anybody interested in a Monday assault?
Hellz to the yes, I'm going to sign up as ModFukker!
-
The biggest question to come from this merger:
Will mods outnumber participants?
AE has approximately 240 mods at varying levels of modicity.
AUF has several dozen epenises bulging around.
Will mods be mods? If not, it would almost be worth creating an AUF account just to berate some of the former AE mods and verce-visa.
In fact, that would be fun anyway.
Anybody interested in a Monday assault?
Did you even have to ask? Hell yes.
-
The biggest question to come from this merger:
Will mods outnumber participants?
AE has approximately 240 mods at varying levels of modicity.
AUF has several dozen epenises bulging around.
Will mods be mods? If not, it would almost be worth creating an AUF account just to berate some of the former AE mods and verce-visa.
In fact, that would be fun anyway.
Anybody interested in a Monday assault?
only if I can get a copy of the drill press pics. :ice:
-
only if I can get a copy of the drill press pics. :ice:
That would actually be priceless.
-
The biggest question to come from this merger:
Will mods outnumber participants?
AE has approximately 240 mods at varying levels of modicity.
AUF has several dozen epenises bulging around.
Will mods be mods? If not, it would almost be worth creating an AUF account just to berate some of the former AE mods and verce-visa.
In fact, that would be fun anyway.
Anybody interested in a Monday assault?
Better hold the invasion:
We have disallowed new registrations as we draw close to the start of the site merger. This is just to avoid running into problems merging AE and AUF accounts. We will reopen registrations in a few days when the migration is complete. Thanks!
-
I've got an open account there for now, if anybody would like something posted.
-
The
Hitler Youth folks at AE are not happy about this at all.
-
KKKKK....Calling Titan Tiger...Calling Titan Tiger..come in Double T, over....KKKK
KKKKK....Titan Tiger here....and don't call me Double T, over...KKKK
KKKKK....Roger that Titan Tiger....Please initiate Migration Phase, I repeat...Please initiate Migration Phase, over....KKKK
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Where the hell is X7 when you need him?
-
I can tell you they wouldn't know a good joke if it punched them in the face.
-
The Hitler Youth folks at AE are not happy about this at all.
Maybe we should not be so judgmental. They are some snappy clothes.
(http://i1106.photobucket.com/albums/h374/melanieafarber/Things%20I%20can%20never%20forget/HitlerYount.jpg)
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I've got an open account there for now, if anybody would like something posted.
Just find some midget porn and post it. Or perhaps some of the goat pics K has graced you with.
-
I can tell you they wouldn't know a good joke if it punched them in the face.
They are the joke.
-
You should probably lay low for a while.
I am proud of you guys! You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.
Besides it wouldn't even be a challenge hell our women folk could kick the asses of most of the other folks on that board. And with the remainder Uncle Sani, Jar and Chief PCT would set up encampment establish position and they would be dead before they knew it.
-
Just find some midget porn and post it.
I love midget porn!
-
They are the joke.
Suck a fucking dick.
-
Suck a fucking dick.
I like this guy. I think he could fit in here.
How many pictures of goats being raped do you have?
-
I like this guy. I think he could fit in here.
How many pictures of goats being raped do you have?
Not enough.
-
Suck a fucking dick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0vrsxg0naA&list=UU5EcoojZP4U3rliwlrEIoLA&index=3&feature=plcp
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0vrsxg0naA&list=UU5EcoojZP4U3rliwlrEIoLA&index=3&feature=plcp
+1
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Not enough.
They'll come in handy when RWS gets on his Prowler tirates. Token is the other bammer, but most of us here think he is really an Auburn man. The thing is he cares too much for RWS and would feel too bad
for leaving him all alone.
Also, the difference b/w the X and the AUNati....I mean AUFamily is that they're all a bunch of pussies.
We eat pussy.
-
They'll come in handy when RWS gets on his Prowler tirates. Token is the other bammer, but most of us here think he is really an Auburn man. The thing is he cares too much for RWS and would feel too bad
for leaving him all alone.
Also, the difference b/w the X and the AUNati....I mean AUFamily is that they're all a bunch of pussies.
We eat pussy.
I'm a member at AE. Not AUFamily.
-
I'm a member at AE. Not AUFamily.
Not for long.......but yes I know that.
-
Also, the difference b/w the X and the AUNati....I mean AUFamily is that they're all a bunch of pussies.
We eat pussy.
Which is why I am here...
Wait, I mean, yeah, Token is really cool and no way is he a fucking turd - deep down in places he won't admit to, he's an Auburn man. Either way, he's one of us. Which is why he is our Token turd, and RWS is a goat fucker.
-
Which is why I am here...
Wait, I mean, yeah, Token is really cool and no way is he a fucking turd - deep down in places he won't admit to, he's an Auburn man. Either way, he's one of us. Which is why he is our Token turd, and RWS is a goat fucker.
Have I ever told you that I love you?
-
Have I ever told you that I love you?
Flattery will get YOU no where, Fertile Myrtle. I am too afraid of your damn supersperm. You will just have to lust from afar.
-
Not for long.......but yes I know that.
It isn't by choice.. (http://forum.starmen.net/forum_attachments/0009/9182/Scowl.PNG)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0vrsxg0naA&list=UU5EcoojZP4U3rliwlrEIoLA&index=3&feature=plcp
DKW, Titan, and the boys are back together y'all!
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Flattery will get YOU no where, Fertile Myrtle. I am too afraid of your damn supersperm. You will just have to lust from afar.
Love hurts.
-
A blast from the past.
(http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g242/glenn1964/titan-1.gif)
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A blast from the past.
(http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g242/glenn1964/titan-1.gif)
Damn, I wish I had this earlier today.
-
I'll get in on the invasion...I think I still have an account on AU Family. But, if we're doing this shouldn't we be somewhat secretive of it, just a thought. AWWW FUCK IT!!!! Let 'em know we're coming, that way we can catch them by surprise.
-
Invasion hell...I want to hear more from TW.
-
I'll get in on the invasion...I think I still have an account on AU Family. But, if we're doing this shouldn't we be somewhat secretive of it, just a thought. AWWW FUCK IT!!!! Let 'em know we're coming, that way we can catch them by surprise.
Invasion? Seriously? LOL GTFO
-
Invasion? Seriously? LOL GTFO
Invasion, Assault, Gangbang...whatever the fuck you wanna call it, I'm down for whateva.
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Invasion hell...I want to hear more from TW.
Give me something to talk about, baby.
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Invasion, Assault, Gangbang...whatever the fuck you wanna call it, I'm down for whateva.
You go right ahead and knock yourself out.
-
Give me something to talk about, baby.
How about one of you erotic stories? Or create one that has to do with an Infantry Soldier?
-
How about one of you erotic stories? Or create one that has to do with an Infantry Soldier?
My characters don't wear burkas or hang out outside Ft. Benning. WTF would they be doing around infantry soldiers?
-
My characters don't wear burkas or hang out outside Ft. Benning. WTF would they be doing around infantry soldiers?
You hurt me just now. :facepalm:
-
Give me something to talk about, baby.
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
-
You hurt me just now. :facepalm:
Change my mind... give me context...
-
You go right ahead and knock yourself out.
Every Aun or Ae member I meet at a game I'm going to knock the fuck out. I'm 5'10 and 275 I'll put a bitch in a coma. Trust me I'll fuck your shit up. :thumsup:
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You go right ahead and knock yourself out.
Every Aun or Ae member I meet at a game I'm going to knock the fuck out. I'm 5'10 and 275 I'll put a bitch in a coma. Trust me I'll fuck your shit up. :thumsup:
Yup, and I'm 6' 250lbs...for those that Jumbo doesn't put in a Coma, I'll knock 'em 6 feet deep. So, they'll get a Coma Nap or a Dirt Nap, and no they don't get to choose...it'll be at our transgression.
-
Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
-
Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
VV loves to fuck with hard asses.
-
Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
Jumbo and Prowler will beat your eyes shut. What's worse, one will fist your dog and the other will give you an aneurysm. But God Father is the one to be concerned with. He'll find shit that you don't want to be found, and show it to everybody.
With that said, now that you've made it past 15 posts, I'll offer my welcome. Only friendly advice I have to offer, stay the fuck out of the politics and religion rooms. It gets nasty in there. And don't post a movie review on Kaos' movie review thread. You are not Kaos, it is not your thread, and he will pummel you with words. Most of them will be words that you will need a dictionary to understand.
-
Jumbo and Prowler will beat your eyes shut. What's worse, one will fist your dog and the other will give you an aneurysm. But God Father is the one to be concerned with. He'll find shit that you don't want to be found, and show it to everybody.
With that said, now that you've made it past 15 posts, I'll offer my welcome. Only friendly advice I have to offer, stay the fuck out of the politics and religion rooms. It gets nasty in there. And don't post a movie review on Kaos' movie review thread. You are not Kaos, it is not your thread, and he will pummel you with words. Most of them will be words that you will need a dictionary to understand.
:move:
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Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
Don't be afraid of Jumbo and Prowler. I am 5'4", 138-1/2 and I have kicked both of their asses.
in the fantasy beisbols
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Don't be afraid of Jumbo and Prowler. I am 5'4", 138-1/2 and I have kicked both of their asses.
in the fantasy beisbols
I CAN POST IN ALL CAPS.
-
VV loves to fuck with hard asses.
:classic:
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Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
:aoop:
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Yup, and I'm 6' 250lbs...for those that Jumbo doesn't put in a Coma, I'll knock 'em 6 feet deep. So, they'll get a Coma Nap or a Dirt Nap, and no they don't get to choose...it'll be at our transgression.
I too am 6' 250lbs...but I'm rather docile and kinda flabby. So I just tell them yo mama jokes until their feelings are hurt.
-
Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
We are some hardcore ethugs here. Represent!!@#@!#
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We are some hardcore ethugs here. Represent!!@#@!#
rolfcopters
-
Glad I know not to fuck with you hard asses.
I'm also training to be a Cage Fighter.
-
I'm also training to be a Cage Fighter.
Prowler calls it a cage, we call it padded room.
-
Prowler calls it a cage, we call it padded room.
(http://i686.photobucket.com/albums/vv226/Axemansa/Napoleon-Dynamite-Kipcage.jpg)
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(http://i686.photobucket.com/albums/vv226/Axemansa/Napoleon-Dynamite-Kipcage.jpg)
Dude is badass!
-
I'm also training to be a Cage Fighter.
I can throw a football over those mountains.
(http://static.moviefanatic.com/images/gallery/uncle-rico-picture_250x247.jpg)
-
Dude is badass!
Yup, I got Nunchuck & Bow Hunting Skills too.
-
Suck a fucking dick.
Finally something you are a subject matter expert on. Congrats dick breath.
-
Invasion? Seriously? LOL GTFO
Like OMG, I'm soooo going 2 LMFAO. TTYL.
-
That shit is STILL down.
Somebody want to call it? What's the time of death?
-
I'm also training to be a Cage Fighter.
Me too.
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m20qs68mVi1r4bcn2o1_1280.jpg)
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The AE way? That means each person is fully clothed and lays as close to their own edge of the bed as possible while holding hands and simultaneously singing the Barney song and reciting the Creed, with all the lights on in the bedroom.
This image kind of turned me on.
-
This image kind of turned me on.
THIS GUY may make it here.
-
THIS GUY may make it here.
Out of the gate he seems to have a firm grasp on how things work around here but one must remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint.
-
Out of the gate he seems to have a firm grasp on how things work around here but one must remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint.
He's yet to say anything about naked womenz, getting drunk, cocaine or hookers. The jury is still out.
-
He's yet to say anything about naked womenz, getting drunk, cocaine or hookers. The jury is still out.
He did put snaggle in his place about coke products though so I am giving him a pass for now.
-
He did put snaggle in his place about coke products though so I am giving him a pass for now.
Great point. Priceless.
-
He did put snaggle in his place about coke products though so I am giving him a pass for now.
I think I may be getting credit for something that I did not accomplish--which is o.k. by me usually, but if I did this one, I must have been on a meth binge. I don't put people in their place publically. I just queitly observe and slash tires, pee in coffee, post rumors, etc.-- when appropriate.
-
I think I may be getting credit for something that I did not accomplish--which is o.k. by me usually, but if I did this one, I must have been on a meth binge. I don't put people in their place publically. I just queitly observe and slash tires, pee in coffee, post rumors, etc.-- when appropriate.
Move their stuff.
-
I think I may be getting credit for something that I did not accomplish--which is o.k. by me usually, but if I did this one, I must have been on a meth binge. I don't put people in their place publically. I just queitly observe and slash tires, pee in coffee, post rumors, etc.-- when appropriate.
Ok. Fuck you. You're back on probation.
-
Ok. fudge you. You're back on probation.
Do you drink coffee? Nevermind, I know which car you drive.
-
Do you drink coffee? Nevermind, I know which car you drive.
I can assure you it is super keen.
-
I can assure you it is super keen old.
-
I think I may be getting credit for something that I did not accomplish--which is o.k. by me usually, but if I did this one, I must have been on a meth binge. I don't put people in their place publically. I just queitly observe and slash tires, pee in coffee, post rumors, etc.-- when appropriate.
Just don't shit in truck beds - that role is already taken
-
I think I may be getting credit for something that I did not accomplish--which is o.k. by me usually, but if I did this one, I must have been on a meth binge. I don't put people in their place publically. I just queitly observe and slash tires, pee in coffee, post rumors, etc.-- when appropriate.
See, you done went and fucked up now. Trying to hard honcho.
-
See, you done went and fudgeed up now. Trying to hard honcho.
I don't even know honcho but I seriously doubt I would want to hard him.
-
I don't even know honcho but I seriously doubt I would want to hard him.
Now you are just trying too hard.
-
I don't even know honcho but I seriously doubt I would want to hard him.
Don't make GF turn your curseword filter on. Fudged? :facepalm:
-
Now you are just trying too hard.
I think you're being to hard-on him.
-
GF's avatar makes me hard.
-
GF's avatar makes me hard.
As long as you are nowhere near a female, no one can get pregnant....again.
-
I think you're being to hard-on him.
Well, maybe I am trying too hard but I'm not trying to hard. Not right now anyway. I've cut way back on the afternoon sessions.
-
As long as you are nowhere near a female, no one can get pregnant....again.
(http://www.kidscareblog.com/wp-content/uploads/day-care-center.jpg)
-
(http://www.kidscareblog.com/wp-content/uploads/day-care-center.jpg)
Nice. I was curious when the 2012 Simp Family Picture would get posted to the X. Looks like you have a few more since last year. The wife's looking good but the kids all look like you.
-
Nice. I was curious when the 2012 Simp Family Picture would get posted to the X. Looks like you have a few more since last year. The wife's looking good but the kids all look like you.
She's European?
-
She's European?
If Senegal is in Europe....yes!
-
If Senegal is in Europe....yes!
No, thats the help. Also, if look real hard you'll see my one and only fat kid. She is an outcast.
-
No, thats the help. Also, if look real hard you'll see my one and only fat kid. She is an outcast.
Banished her ass to the pool. Atta boy! That'll teach her.
-
If Senegal is in Europe....yes!
I am Senegalese from the waist down.
-
I am Senegalese from the waist down.
So you are saying you can jump high enough to dunk even with short arms?
We are familiar with the short armed variety.
-
So you are saying you can jump high enough to dunk even with short arms?
We are familiar with the short armed variety.
Nobody loves Fester like your Mamadou.
-
I am Senegalese from the waist down.
So you are saying you can jump high enough to dunk even with short arms?
We are familiar with the short armed variety.
I thought he meant he has skinny legs, and trust me that makes for a hard target especially when they are moving.
Trick question-What does this look like?
(http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii15/MissP85/comb.jpg)
Skinnys waiting in line.
-
Nobody loves Fester like your Mamadou.
(http://rufcut.org/images/en_fuego.jpg)
-
I thought he meant he has skinny legs, and trust me that makes for a hard target especially when they are moving.
Trick question-What does this look like?
(http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii15/MissP85/comb.jpg)
Skinnys waiting in line.
The main character in Nancy Kerrigan's nightmares?
-
The main character in Nancy Kerrigan's nightmares?
Or something I don't need anymore would be ok.
-
The main character in Nancy Kerrigan's nightmares?
Gillooley.
-
BTW, the sites are STILL down as of 9 p.m. Thursday August whatever it is.
Code blue. I just have to say... it's not that fucking hard.
:haha:
-
BTW, the sites are STILL down as of 9 p.m. Thursday August whatever it is.
Code blue. I just have to say... it's not that fucking hard.
:haha:
pending approval from the securities and exchange commission...
-
The drill press operator is at the helm. "Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot".
:facepalm:
-
Still down this morning?
-
Still down this morning?
Yeah, but I have an appointment with the doctor to see if he can prescr.......wait..you mean the site?
-
Still down this morning?
Dead.
-
Dead.
That is a major fuck up...IMHO.
-
Still down this morning?
Like a sophomore on prom night.
-
It moved, they are back up. Load the trojan horse.
-
It moved, they are back up. Load the trojan horse.
Does this mean we lose all our noobs?
-
Does this mean we lose all our noobs?
Shuck them. I'm staying here until somebody pisses me off again, so maybe thru tomorrow.
-
Shuck them. I'm staying here until somebody pisses me off again, so maybe thru tomorrow.
You got high hopes.
-
Those who wish to, can stay. However, after a short time being MODERATED (Drill Press Forum) our numbers should increase exponentially.
-
Shuck them. I'm staying here until somebody pisses me off again, so maybe thru tomorrow.
Thats just a way of life here dude. Get used to it.
And stick around.
-
Thats just a way of life here dude. Get used to it.
And stick around.
j/k I enjoy the banter and oral intercourse.
-
oral intercourse.
Now you are just teasing me.
-
j/k I enjoy the banter and oral intercourse.
There's a transgender hobbit we have on here, VV. He may be interested to know of your liking in this activity.
-
There's a transgender hobbit we have on here, VV. He may be interested to know of your liking in this activity.
Dammit, discourse. Oral discourse. That mistake has gotten me into trouble before, esp in San Fran.
-
I'm not going any where. I need y'all to keep my self esteem low.
-
I'm not going any where. I need y'all to keep my self esteem low.
THIS NOOB ^^ gets it.
-
j/k I enjoy the banter and oral intercourse.
Hello, darlin'. Have we met?
-
I'm not going any where. I need y'all to keep my self esteem low.
You need to meet the new girl. 'Tis her specialty.
-
You need to meet the new girl. 'Tis her specialty.
No one better at it in the world
-
Hello, darlin'. Have we met?
I don't beleive we have but I love being called darlin', darlin'. I'm the WiregrassTiger and Tigers like it rough.
-
I don't beleive we have but I love being called darlin', darlin'. I'm the WiregrassTiger and Tigers like it rough.
**sigh** and I had such high hopes...
With that post, back to noobie obscurity you go...
EXCUSED.
-
**sigh** and I had such high hopes...
With that post, back to noobie obscurity you go...
EXCUSED.
Dammit.
-
You need to meet the new girl. 'Tis her specialty.
She speaks the troof
-
**sigh** and I had such high hopes...
With that post, back to noobie obscurity you go...
EXCUSED.
I think he had the wrong kind of oral intercourse in mind.
-
I think he had the wrong kind of oral intercourse in mind.
He needs to work on his subtlety, and maybe try and figure out who he's talking to before popping off with "Tigers like it rough...". :rolleyes:
Maybe one of you guys could lend him some leather bound books or get him some mahogany air freshner or something.
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**sigh** and I had such high hopes...
With that post, back to noobie obscurity you go...
EXCUSED.
Reminds me of several years back, my buddy and I went to one of those meet and greets with Bobby Bowden down in the Hassee'. They were serving copious amounts of alkeyhawl and we were partaking of the same. On the way home, we got the great idea of hitting the local Hassee' Hooters. It was a week night and late so there were far more hooters than customers. We literally had 5-6 girls there sitting down with us and we two drunk guys were more than happy for the attention. We got into a discussion about the best way to pour up a beer. One of the Hooter babes shows us how she pours it and my buddy blurts out, "That bitch likes it hard and fast".
Alone...um, check please.
I just stared at him in disbelief...What? did I say something? :facepalm:
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I'm not sharing my air freshener with a noob.
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I don't beleive we have but I love being called darlin', darlin'. I'm the WiregrassTiger and Tigers like it rough.
Time to head back to YOUR man cave:
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u1/miked0003/gif-cornhole1.gif)
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He needs to work on his subtlety, and maybe try and figure out who he's talking to before popping off with "Tigers like it rough...". :rolleyes:
Maybe one of you guys could lend him some leather bound books or get him some mahogany air freshner or something.
He underestimates the power of the tongue. Too much talk, not enough action.
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He needs to work on his subtlety, and maybe try and figure out who he's talking to before popping off with "Tigers like it rough...". :rolleyes:
Maybe one of you guys could lend him some leather bound books or get him some mahogany air freshner or something.
They make leather books?
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He underestimates the power of the Too much talk, not enough action.
My wife makes sure that is one of my strongest muscle group. :tongue:
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He underestimates the power of the tongue. Too much talk, not enough action.
We're havin' Colonel Lingus for dinnah
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Time to head back to YOUR man cave:
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u1/miked0003/gif-cornhole1.gif)
yuk, yuk, yuk,...snort. Damn uz is funny!
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Time to head back to YOUR man cave:
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u1/miked0003/gif-cornhole1.gif)
VV fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
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yuk, yuk, yuk,...snort. Damn uz is funny!
God damn it, read some threads. I AM KEEN.
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VV fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
I just puked in my mouth a little.
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VV fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
Thats what happens when bodies start slappin.
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Dammit, discourse. Oral discourse. That mistake has gotten me into trouble before, esp in San Fran.
Show up at one of our tailgates. Don't be too confused when you see some of our gals sporting one of these.
(http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g242/glenn1964/311751_408640425859053_1848301277_n.jpg)
They like to fit in.
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My wife makes sure that is one of my strongest muscle group. :tongue:
She has never talked to me about this.
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She has never talked to me about this.
At some point you just have to accept that further conversation on a topic is pointless and a waste of breath. You can't fix stupid.
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At some point you just have to accept that further conversation on a topic is pointless and a waste of breath. You can't fix stupid.
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
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I am the master of cunnilingus. :tongue: :tits:
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She has never talked to me about this.
That’s cause she’s not a lesbian.
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I was one of AE first members known as "auburn warrior" it was cool for the first couple of months until folks like bigbird. titan and telling tiger started joining whining how'd they'd been mistreated on other boards. about mid 2011 I just started creating new accounts and getting banned on purpose just so I could troll folks like big bird and telling tiger on purpose just to see em get pissed off
I've got 2-3 open accounts on aufamily from when I first joined them in 08 that I log into every once in awhile just to get under war tiger's skin . hard to believe its been that long since those two sites merged in 2012 I think most of the cool folks on AE moved on to other boards right after the merge a few of the original AE members are on sectalk I see them on there every once in awhile last time I posted on AE before the merge was in 2011 right after the Clemson game one of their rules was no calling for a coach's head or bashing a player I started a thread "In Roof We Trust" - Roof we trust you wil do the right thing and resign now" next thing I know threads gone and so am I......Good Times
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I was one of AE first members known as "auburn warrior" it was cool for the first couple of months until folks like bigbird. titan and telling tiger started joining whining how'd they'd been mistreated on other boards. about mid 2011 I just started creating new accounts and getting banned on purpose just so I could troll folks like big bird and telling tiger on purpose just to see em get pissed off
I've got 2-3 open accounts on aufamily from when I first joined them in 08 that I log into every once in awhile just to get under war tiger's skin . hard to believe its been that long since those two sites merged in 2012 I think most of the cool folks on AE moved on to other boards right after the merge a few of the original AE members are on sectalk I see them on there every once in awhile last time I posted on AE before the merge was in 2011 right after the Clemson game one of their rules was no calling for a coach's head or bashing a player I started a thread "In Roof We Trust" - Roof we trust you wil do the right thing and resign now" next thing I know threads gone and so am I......Good Times
Cool story, bro. But just so you know, I/we don't dig doing the multiple screen names around here. It creates conflict.
My suggestion is just be who you are.
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I was one of AE first members known as "auburn warrior" it was cool for the first couple of months until folks like bigbird. titan and telling tiger started joining whining how'd they'd been mistreated on other boards. about mid 2011 I just started creating new accounts and getting banned on purpose just so I could troll folks like big bird and telling tiger on purpose just to see em get pissed off
I've got 2-3 open accounts on aufamily from when I first joined them in 08 that I log into every once in awhile just to get under war tiger's skin . hard to believe its been that long since those two sites merged in 2012 I think most of the cool folks on AE moved on to other boards right after the merge a few of the original AE members are on sectalk I see them on there every once in awhile last time I posted on AE before the merge was in 2011 right after the Clemson game one of their rules was no calling for a coach's head or bashing a player I started a thread "In Roof We Trust" - Roof we trust you wil do the right thing and resign now" next thing I know threads gone and so am I......Good Times
Fuck's sake...No one cares at this point.
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Cool story, bro. But just so you know, I/we don't dig doing the multiple screen names around here. It creates conflict.
My suggestion is just be who you are.
What if he's gay? Or Dutch? Or has multiple personalities? You don't need to speak for everyone else so freely WT. I might just report your ass to our fine moderators. See how you like them apples.
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I was one of AE first members known as "auburn warrior" it was cool for the first couple of months until folks like bigbird. titan and telling tiger started joining whining how'd they'd been mistreated on other boards. about mid 2011 I just started creating new accounts and getting banned on purpose just so I could troll folks like big bird and telling tiger on purpose just to see em get pissed off
I've got 2-3 open accounts on aufamily from when I first joined them in 08 that I log into every once in awhile just to get under war tiger's skin . hard to believe its been that long since those two sites merged in 2012 I think most of the cool folks on AE moved on to other boards right after the merge a few of the original AE members are on sectalk I see them on there every once in awhile last time I posted on AE before the merge was in 2011 right after the Clemson game one of their rules was no calling for a coach's head or bashing a player I started a thread "In Roof We Trust" - Roof we trust you wil do the right thing and resign now" next thing I know threads gone and so am I......Good Times
Was there some. Lots of little pee wees over there. We all have massive penis' here. Matter of fact, if you are not black from the waste down, then you should leave now.
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Cool story, bro. But just so you know, I/we don't dig doing the multiple screen names around here. It creates conflict.
My suggestion is just be who you are.
Warn meter. Spiked.
Edit: Consider YOUR warn meter spiked for impersonating a moderator. That type of lawlessness will not fly around here, Jack.
The Management
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(http://i.imgur.com/7KpyLAZ.png)
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Fuck's sake...No one cares at this point.
Well that's not entirely true, we probably would have cared if you had brought this up in say May, perhaps even June.
Now....it's fucking football week man!!!
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(http://i.imgur.com/7KpyLAZ.png)
It's 1984 bitch and the Mormon's have won the National Title.
BYU! BYU!
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bigbird
as in Harvey Birdman?
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as in Harvey Birdman?
Now that was one badazz nurra'.
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I was one of AE first members known as "auburn warrior" it was cool for the first couple of months until folks like bigbird. titan and telling tiger started joining whining how'd they'd been mistreated on other boards. about mid 2011 I just started creating new accounts and getting banned on purpose just so I could troll folks like big bird and telling tiger on purpose just to see em get pissed off
I've got 2-3 open accounts on aufamily from when I first joined them in 08 that I log into every once in awhile just to get under war tiger's skin . hard to believe its been that long since those two sites merged in 2012 I think most of the cool folks on AE moved on to other boards right after the merge a few of the original AE members are on sectalk I see them on there every once in awhile last time I posted on AE before the merge was in 2011 right after the Clemson game one of their rules was no calling for a coach's head or bashing a player I started a thread "In Roof We Trust" - Roof we trust you wil do the right thing and resign now" next thing I know threads gone and so am I......Good Times
The fuck, Jefferson?
Who you think you are? Jesus? Raising things from the long dead.
If you want to be here, be hard. No wait, that's not right. Whatever.
Give up some of those screen names. I'm not above fucking with those fuckersnots for fun. Especially some thin-skinned pussy named someshit77. He can suck a maggot dick.
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Is that site still up and running?
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The fuck, Jefferson?
Who you think you are? Jesus? Raising things from the long dead.
If you want to be here, be hard. No wait, that's not right. Whatever.
Give up some of those screen names. I'm not above fucking with those fuckersnots for fun. Especially some thin-skinned pussy named someshit77. He can suck a maggot dick.
This would be fun
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Give up some of those screen names. I'm not above fucking with those fuckersnots for fun. Especially some thin-skinned pussy named someshit77. He can suck a maggot dick.
Is this some geocities/aol bullshit? I've never even heard of this suckhole. And I know most of the local suckholes.
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Is this some geocities/aol bullshit? I've never even heard of this suckhole. And I know most of the local suckholes.
If anyone knows suckholes it's you.
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If anyone knows suckholes it's you.
1738......