Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Token on December 09, 2011, 04:58:04 PM
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This time it's most awkward moments. Obviously if this were a contest, I wouldn't waste my time knowing that Kaos has raged and thrown food at kids over tomatoes, but since it's not.
Was in a class where the discussion was about about cell phones. Instructor immediately asked for a cell phone from the room. A guy volunteered his phone thinking we were going to hide it and track it. Well, this part of the class was about pulling information from a sim card that had been previously erased. Shit happened fast, and before the guy really knew what was going on, we were looking at a series of photos where he was apparently getting a blowjob from a girl with long hair. We all laughed, everyone but him. He was uneasy, but who wouldn't be looking at that? After 5 or 6 photos, she finally comes up for air and exposes her face. It was his partner's fiancee. His partner who we all knew, and also happened to be in the room.
Holy shit that was awkward.
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This time it's most awkward moments. Obviously if this were a contest, I wouldn't waste my time knowing that Kaos has raged and thrown food at kids over tomatoes, but since it's not.
Was in a class where the discussion was about about cell phones. Instructor immediately asked for a cell phone from the room. A guy volunteered his phone thinking we were going to hide it and track it. Well, this part of the class was about pulling information from a sim card that had been previously erased. Shit happened fast, and before the guy really knew what was going on, we were looking at a series of photos where he was apparently getting a blowjob from a girl with long hair. We all laughed, everyone but him. He was uneasy, but who wouldn't be looking at that? After 5 or 6 photos, she finally comes up for air and exposes her face. It was his partner's fiancee. His partner who we all knew, and also happened to be in the room.
Holy shit that was awkward.
No fucking shit? The instructor didn't stop after the first picture??
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No fucking shit? The instructor didn't stop after the first picture??
No, we were all laughing, it was his personal phone and we all know the guy. Thinking back, I think he was too shocked to say anything, like I said, we really didn't know that was part of the class. BUT, he's single and always doing that shit AND showing it around. He may not have realized who it was until she came up. There were videos, but we obviously didn't watch those after that.
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No, we were all laughing, it was his personal phone and we all know the guy. Thinking back, I think he was too shocked to say anything, like I said, we really didn't know that was part of the class. BUT, he's single and always doing that shit AND showing it around. He may not have realized who it was until she came up. There were videos, but we obviously didn't watch those after that.
Did said partner beat the shit out of him?
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Did said partner beat the shit out of him?
Surprisingly, no. One was placed on nights, then eventually quit.
Others?
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Don't know if this is true or not, my cousin has been known to embellish. Anyway, he went with his best friend over to a mutual friends house who's daughter had just had a baby. They walked in and talked for a few minutes and the couple told my cousin and his buddy to go back there and see the baby because it was sleeping. They go back there and sure enough, the baby is sleeping but they immediately see that it's, well...not white. "Damn, she screwed a n*****".
They go back to see the couple looking at them in horror...and they notice the baby monitor on the end table. Time to go.
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This was somewhat awkward...
I was working patrol, and got a call about a car full of kids doing something...can't recall exactly what. I was on nights, but it was early morning, full light. Stopped the car in front of a church on Hwy 31. They were doing construction on the church and there were already guys up on scaffolds up on the hill. There are 5 in the car, all around 20 years old, and 2 are females, the driver male. I find a good stash of dope in the trunk, and arrest the driver. Did some more investigation. Had them all sitting out on the side of the road. Something (can't recall what) told me there was more. I told them that I normally only arrested the driver when I found dope in the car and nobody would claim it, but that I could arrest everybody unless someone claimed the dope. I told them I knew there was more, and that everybody was going to jail unless someone fessed up. One of the girls said she'd tell. I asked where, and she looked down at her crotch. I called a female officer. When she arrived, the girl sat in the back of my patrol car, then laid down and pulled her dress up. She put her feet up on the sides of the door like she was in "the stirrups". She had no panties on. She reached in her cooch, and pulled it out marijuana. The female officer was in shock. It was NOT in baggies...she pulled out three hand fulls, and drops it out the door on the ground. The female officer says "You got to arrest her". I said, "ok, make you a deal, I'll book her in while you collect the evidence." She said, "Ok, nevermind, it's almost going home time anyway". The girl is still sitting there with her legs spread...the guys on scaffolding are all staring. I look at her and say, "you can cover that up now". Yeah, she was ok looking, but skanky.
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One of my college roommates married a girl from our hometown. When he did nobody really expected it to last (never an odder pair) and I didn't really care for the girl anyway. So they had been married for a couple of weeks and I call him up and ask how his wife is doing. He tells me she left him, but I quickly figure out that he is joking around and she has really gone on a business trip. So about 6 months later I give a call to their house again and she picks up. I ask to speak to Jason and she says that he has left her.
"Come on, quit shitting me and let me talk to him. He tried pulling this same joke not that long ago."
She bursts into tears and tells me that he has moved out and they are getting a divorce.
"Oh................ Well sorry to hear that, talk to you later. Bye."
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I asked a non-pregnant friend of a friend if she knew if she was having a boy or a girl?
Not really out of the ordinary for me to do something like this but this time I really thought the chick was pregnant.
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Had a lady law professor who's husband showed up at school one night.....in drag.
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Had a lady law professor who's husband showed up at school one night.....in drag.
Those folks at Faulkner know how to party.
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Those folks at Faulkner know how to party.
Unfortunately, it was before I got there but the story reached legendary status quick.
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Had a lady law professor who's husband showed up at school one night.....in drag.
Shirley's?
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I was one of the DJ's at a Rave about 10 yrs ago and had a group of friends and friends of friends come along. One of the friends of friends was as country as it gets (not sure why he was at a rave other than drugs) was slam wasted starring at some "chicks" dancing on a mini stage. He turned and looked at the guy next to him and stated how much he would like to bang this chick while rubbing up and down the chicks leg. Well, the chick heard him and turned around....."she" had a full grown beard. Those of us that were paying attention laughed uncontrollably. He did an exit stage left and wasn't see or heard from in about a week.
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Shirley's?
Winner winner chicken dinner
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I was one of the DJ's at a Rave about 10 yrs ago and had a group of friends and friends of friends come along. One of the friends of friends was as country as it gets (not sure why he was at a rave other than drugs) was slam wasted starring at some "chicks" dancing on a mini stage. He turned and looked at the guy next to him and stated how much he would like to bang this chick while rubbing up and down the chicks leg. Well, the chick heard him and turned around....."she" had a full grown beard. Those of us that were paying attention laughed uncontrollably. He did an exit stage left and wasn't see or heard from in about a week.
Don't lie....that guy was you.
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Don't lie....that guy was you.
Thanks, now I'm gonna have VV tracking me.
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Winner winner chicken dinner
Not only is the law a stern mistress, but apparently her husband is too.
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Thanks, now I'm gonna have VV tracking me.
You found your Lola
$1 to the Kinks
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Not only is the law a stern mistress, but apparently her husband is too.
Quick Shirley story...that was awkward for one student. She had a first semester guy from here in Dothan, stand to brief a case. Asked him what the facts were. The guy starts stammering, saying some shit about a fire truck. Then he says, "I'm sorry. I'm really nervous". She just nods and says "Well you're studying to be a lawyer. You'll just have to get over it." He continues trying to form a coherent sentence and eventually says, "I'd like to sit down". Shirley goes into one of her lectures to the class about coming in prepared and all that shit.
Very next class, she walks in and starts to talk. The guy stands up and walks down to her desk. They talk for about 30 seconds. He goes back to his desk, grabs his shit and walked out. As far as we know, never set foot in the school again.
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Quick Shirley story...that was awkward for one student. She had a first semester guy from here in Dothan, stand to brief a case. Asked him what the facts were. The guy starts stammering, saying some shit about a fire truck. Then he says, "I'm sorry. I'm really nervous". She just nods and says "Well you're studying to be a lawyer. You'll just have to get over it." He continues trying to form a coherent sentence and eventually says, "I'd like to sit down". Shirley goes into one of her lectures to the class about coming in prepared and all that shit.
Very next class, she walks in and starts to talk. The guy stands up and walks down to her desk. They talk for about 30 seconds. He goes back to his desk, grabs his shit and walked out. As far as we know, never set foot in the school again.
Shirley actually scared me enough to prepare for her class. If I wasn't, I skipped it.
We had a couple that came in all full of themselves, only to drop out 1st semester.
I had a fucking asshole in my class. Always trying to be the class leader, setting up study groups, and passing out sign up sheets for briefing cases. Treated law school like a competition, and like he was in charge. I never would sign up like he thought I should. I put this fuck wad in his place twice.
First one was in Eidsmoe's Con Law class. Everybody had signed up the week before to brief cases except me and maybe a couple of other's like me just there to get the degree and have a shot at the bar. So, one day, a guy finishes briefing a case and Eidsmoe says "OoooKay, next case is..." (you gotta know how Eidsmoe talks) Douchenozzle cuts him off and says to him "Mister JR never briefs any cases, and I think he'd like to take one". I'm sitting there with my feet up in the next chair beside me, book closed, no notebook, just listening. Haven't read shit...because we're on 4th amendment, and I'm a cop at the time. I knew the cases. Douchnozzle doesn't make this connection in his attempt to embarrass me. Eidsmoe says "OooooKay, Mr. JR, please tell us about Terry vs Ohio." I look at douchenozzle and say "Officer McFadden is a plain clothes officer on foot patrol..." Every cop knows Terry. Douchenozzle is red faced, and pissed.
Sometime later, 3rd year, I'm sitting in the top row in Borg's UCC class. Borg is going on with the fucking UCC shit. I'm reading the paper...the comics...talking to my buddy. We're having a good time. Borg isn't bothered, he's lecturing on. Suddenly when I laugh a little loud, douchnozzle, 2 rows down, turns around and loudly says "Take it outside if you can't be quiet, some of us are hear to learn!" I immediately respond, and loud enough for all to hear, "Fuuuuuuuuck YOU!" Borg pauses, douchnozzle turns to look at Borg as if he wants something done, (this was an awkward moment for me, because I'd not intended to say it as loud as I did, and thought I might have a problem) Borg covers his mouth to hide his snicker, and launches right back in to his lecture as if nothing happened. I went back to reading my paper. I see Borg every summer at the DA's conference. He's one of the few yankees I've ever liked.
Douchnozzle later got an Asst. DA gig down near Montgomery, and got fired for chasing down some kid in his neighborhood, for his car stereo being too loud. When the kid smartassed him, he slapped him.
He was in my courtroom lately, and didn't even acknowledge my existence.
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You shoulda held him in contempts. That would have been gooder.
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We had a very similar douchecanoe that I started with. Knew EVERYTHING and made sure you knew he knew. Eidsmoe was lecturing one time and this dude pipes in about what the Supreme Court really meant by this particular decision. Goes off on a 5 minute diatribe...Eidsmoe walking around, pausing thoughtfully at times (Weird dude) and when the guy finishes his rant, all full of himself and how he's impressed everyone in the room....Eidsmoe looks at him and goes..."No"...and continues lecturing as if the guy never said a word. The place fell out.
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Thanks, now I'm gonna have VV tracking me.
You appear to have a fancy for beards. I have a fancy for giving beard-burn to men's taints. It's a match made in gay heaven.
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You appear to have a fancy for beards. I have a fancy for giving beard-burn to men's taints. It's a match made in gay heaven.
I'm too expensive for you.
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Bump on the moment. I had a slight "moment" last night. Was in Dick's looking for some running shoes. (I love Dick's) Bent down to get a shoe off the bottom display shelf on the wall. When I did, I bumped my dome on the corner of one of the display racks. Slight bump, no big woop, whatevah. I ask the guy for an 11 1/2. He fetches my hoof covers and hands them to me, looking at me like a I'm a zombie. I'm thinking, dude, you okay?
Go over and sit down, put on the shoes and walk around a bit, sit back down. Look over and now 2 of the employees are looking at me with this blank expression. I feel something on my cheek and reach up to smear a handful of blood. This tiny little hole in my fivehead is pouring blood down my face.
I'm sure the Dick's guy was thinking I was in fact some kind of retarded ass zombie. Argkk...can AH haff an eleffin an AH haff ACKKK...in dish shoe?
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Bump on the moment. I had a slight "moment" last night. Was in Dick's looking for some running shoes. (I love Dick's) Bent down to get a shoe off the bottom display shelf on the wall. When I did, I bumped my dome on the corner of one of the display racks. Slight bump, no big woop, whatevah. I ask the guy for an 11 1/2. He fetches my hoof covers and hands them to me, looking at me like a I'm a zombie. I'm thinking, dude, you okay?
Go over and sit down, put on the shoes and walk around a bit, sit back down. Look over and now 2 of the employees are looking at me with this blank expression. I feel something on my cheek and reach up to smear a handful of blood. This tiny little hole in my fivehead is pouring blood down my face.
I'm sure the Dick's guy was thinking I was in fact some kind of retarded ass zombie. Argkk...can AH haff an eleffin an AH haff ACKKK...in dish shoe?
This is why I refuse to take you on dates in public.
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This is why I refuse to take you on dates in public.
Look, I quit pissing myself months ago. This was an accident, plain and simple.
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This is why I refuse to take you on dates in public.
But you guys have something in common. You both love Dick's.
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But you guys have something in common. You both love Dick's.
Every time I go to Dick's, I try to get as much out of there as I can.
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Home for Christmas vacation from college and i'm out every night much to my father's chagrin. He tells me before I walk out the door on saturday night, "You have to take your grandmother to church in the morning. Her car is in the shop." I don't have to go, but I do have to pick up all the other old biddies she usually takes with her.
I go out, get home around 4, then get up to start rounding up blue hairs. While I am waiting at the very last stoplight before the church parking lot, one of those old bitches says, "My Goodness, how on earth did you get all those shoe prints on the ceiling of your car?"
That light liked to have never turned green.
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Home for Christmas vacation from college and i'm out every night much to my father's chagrin. He tells me before I walk out the door on saturday night, "You have to take your grandmother to church in the morning. Her car is in the shop." I don't have to go, but I do have to pick up all the other old biddies she usually takes with her.
I go out, get home around 4, then get up to start rounding up blue hairs. While I am waiting at the very last stoplight before the church parking lot, one of those old bitches says, "My Goodness, how on earth did you get all those shoe prints on the ceiling of your car?"
That light liked to have never turned green.
That story is useless without pics. Of the shoeprints, not the biddies.
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Of the shoeprints.
Really? :facepalm:
Whatever does it for you, sweetheart.
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Really? :facepalm:
Whatever does it for you, sweetheart.
Its for JR. He has a shoe fetish.
And for proof. Yeah, thats it. Proof.
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"My Goodness, how on earth did you get all those shoe prints on the ceiling of your car?"
Well???
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Well???
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
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Well???
Twister.
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Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
I would take the one without a wet spot.
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Twister.
Yeah...I got your right foot red right here.
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I had a moment this summer. While we were at a Festival this summer walking around drinking beer and feeling pretty good about myself (Beer seems to do that to me). You know there are all kind of booths set up with people selling all kind of shit. Well we are walking by one of the local Radio stations (and the radio stations SUCK here in Dallas. And this one is the top of the suck list. Well the clown they have on stage is one of those over the top DJ or whatever they are and he’s fucking with people in the crowd as they walk by. Well I am wearing one of my Auburn shirts and he starts on about someone from Auburn being here in Texas-Blah-Blah) so I stop to listen and he ask me if I listen to their station. I said no that I was not in there demographics, but he comes back at me not being that old (with emphases on the word old) and I shot back that I was in the demographic of people who wanted to listen to music not some tool and 55 minutes of music free commercials.
Most of the crowd got a kick out of it, and I went back to drinking my beer.