Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Snakebite on February 22, 2024, 05:48:59 PM
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I’d like to start it off by telling you all my pizza joke… but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s just too cheesy.
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My wife gets so mad at how bad my sense of direction is. So finally, I had enough. I packed up my shit and right.
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My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said I didn’t know he did.
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A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying, “Give me all the cashew have”.
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When your severely overweight mother fell down the other day, I swear I didn’t laugh. The sidewalk sure cracked up though.
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I have many jokes about unemployed people — sadly none of them work.
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I bought a wig today for only $1.00.
It was a small price toupee.
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Your mom!
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Isn't it scary that doctors & lawyers call what they do "practice"?
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What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
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My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said I didn’t know he did.
Right down your alley Snags. You've found your niche.
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Why do Norwegians put bar codes on their battleships?
So they can Scandinavian.
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Went out to eat the other night and the waitress asked if I wanna box for my leftovers. I said no, but I'll wrestle you for dessert.
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I threw away my toaster because it kept burning the bread.
I'm black toast intolerant.
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After I bought a limousine, I realized I couldn't afford a driver.
All that money, and nothing to chauffeur it.
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Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan.
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There were two bulls hiding in the tree line, spying on the cows in the field for a potential mate. It was a pretty serious steak out.
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My friend is obsessed with black birds.
He's a raven lunatic.
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My wife divorced me because I couldn't stop imitating a flamingo.
I was pretty pissed when we got to court and the judge told me I didn't have a leg to stand on.
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You said you'd karaoke Whitesnake with me, but you lied, so....
Here I go again on my own.
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I have the two ultimate dad jokes but they are wayyyyyyyyy too long for this format.
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I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.
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I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.
Oooohhh…
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I have the two ultimate dad jokes but they are wayyyyyyyyy too long for this format.
Seriously, thank you for this. But keep in mind, there has yet to be anything that is funny posted in this thread so we would probably all handle the longwindedness just to be able to hear something that is finally funny. I know a guy on Facebook that constantly posts the dumbest puns and dad jokes. It’s every single motherfucking day. No one laughs and he just keeps right on going. He’s like Ralph Malph but queer.
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Seriously, thank you for this. But keep in mind, there has yet to be anything that is funny posted in this thread so we would probably all handle the longwindedness just to be able to hear something that is finally funny. I know a guy on Facebook that constantly posts the dumbest puns and dad jokes. It’s every single motherfucking day. No one laughs and he just keeps right on going. He’s like Ralph Malph but queer.
I ❤️ you.
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I accidentally took a double dose of viagra.
Man, that was the hardest day ever.
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I have the two ultimate dad jokes but they are wayyyyyyyyy too long for this format.
I’d enjoy the read, if you’ll type the damn things. If we can endure a novel from Snags every day, you’re good.
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I’d enjoy the read, if you’ll type the damn things. If we can endure a novel from Snags every day, you’re good.
^^THIS^^!!!!
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A guy I used to know died after falling into a giant vat of coffee.
At least he didn’t suffer. It was instant.
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I got fired from the keyboard factory recently. They told me I had too many escape attempts and not enough shifts.
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I got offered a job at a mirror factory.
I could see myself working there.
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I thought I was on time for a conference on premature ejaculation.
I wasn't. Everybody else came early.
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I got offered a job at a mirror factory.
I could see myself working there.
Stolen from A Night at the Roxbury and used on my wife occasionally…
“Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants”
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Nine out of ten women I surveyed on their favorite brand of shampoo responded
“Get the hell out of my shower”
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My cute mail lady was really surprised when I opened the door naked.
She also wanted to know how I knew where she lived.
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How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit," and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it."
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Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend, Lorraine. I've started seeing a new girl, Claire Lee. The good news is, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
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How do you circumcise a Bama fan?
By kicking his sister in the jaw.
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What's the difference between a camera and a foot?
A camera has photos...
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Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
Don't tell me that's a coincidence.
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My uncle had the heart of a lion.
He’s also banned from the zoo now.
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My wife left me after I got a penis enlargement.
She said she just couldn’t take any more.
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A string walks into a bar & asks the bartender for a beer.
The bartender grins, saying "we don't serve strings in this bar."
The string walks outside, ties himself in a knot and messes up his hair. He then proceeds to walk back in and asks again for a beer.
The bartender asks, "Hey, aren't you that string that was just in here?!"
The string replies, " No, I'm a frayed knot."
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If I run in front of a car, I get tired. If I run behind a car, I get exhausted.
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Back in the day I could go in the grocery store with $40 in my pocket and get steaks, lobster tails, hamburger, a case of drinks, and a bunch of vegetables. Can’t do that any more, though.
They’ve got cameras everywhere.
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Waiter: How do you like your steak, Sir.
Me: Like winning an argument with my wife
Waiter: Rare it is, Sir.
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I had a date to meet at the gym with a girl I met on a dating app last week. But she didn’t show.
I guess we aren’t going to work out.
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I make a motion that we rename this thread: Bad jokes, puns, dis’s
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I make a motion that we rename this thread: Bad jokes, puns, dis’s
Like the rest of us, you seem to be suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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Like the rest of us, you seem to be suffering from delusions of adequacy.
I honestly believe that one of the reasons that people are jealous of me because of my being so funny. And being handsome and smart on top of that? Wow! Put that together with my being such a bad motherfucker and it creates envy. There is nothing delusional about it, for the most part.
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I went to the eye doctor because my eyes burn after sex.
He seems to think it might be the mace.
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Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife left him.
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What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
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I used to date a blind girl. One day she got a letter from the IRS. She was sure it was bad news.
She could just feel it.
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I went to a job interview last week. The boss asked me if I could perform under pressure.
That wasn't really my range, but I gave Bohemian Rhapsody a shot.
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After dinner the other night, my girlfriend asked me if I could clear the table.
Even with a running start, I barely made it.
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I started a nightclub for men with E.D.
It was a total flop. Nobody came.
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My buddy was a real champion. I'm gonna miss him.
Even as he lay dying, in need of a transfusion and the nurses didn't know his blood type he just kept encouraging us to Be Positive!
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What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
A glad-he-ate-her.
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My great grandmother sold corn to Pirates.
She charged a Buccaneer.
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Last night I watched a documentary on Marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched that way, personally.
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My great grandmother sold corn to Pirates.
She charged a Buccaneer.
Hairlipped kid dresses as a pirate for Halloween. Goes to a neighbor's house and rings the bell. Woman opens the door and says "ooh, a pirate! Where are your buccaneers?" Kid says "on my buccan head."
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate. “I feel fine.”
“What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.”
“We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.”
“OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
“In another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.”
“What about that eye patch?”
“Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up andone of them shit in my eye.”
“You're kidding. You lost an eye from bird shit?”
“Well, it was my first day with the hook.”
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate. “I feel fine.”
“What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.”
“We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.”
“OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
“In another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.”
“What about that eye patch?”
“Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up andone of them shit in my eye.”
“You're kidding. You lost an eye from bird shit?”
“Well, it was my first day with the hook.”
This is the best joke that’s been on here in generations. It’s so much better than Snag’s puns and key and Peele that I am about to cry in appreciation.
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This is the best joke that’s been on here in generations. It’s so much better than Snag’s puns and key and Peele that I am about to cry in appreciation.
You flatter me with your flattery, you flatterer, you.
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You flatter me with your flattery, you flatterer, you.
No I think WT is actually right for a change.
That was a real pip.
Brightened my day.
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I read where two antennas got married.
I'll bet the reception was amazing.
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I bought a 12 year old whiskey
His Mom was furious.
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Little known fact: Before crowbars were invented, crows just drank at home.
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One day on a construction site in Birmingham, two drywall workers showed up with a pig between them in the seat of their pickup. They said they found it walking down 459 and asked what they should do. I told them to take it to the zoo.
Didn’t see them the rest of the day.
Next day, they show up again with the pig and it has a bow tie and top hat on. I say, “I thought I told y’all to take that thing to the zoo.”
“We did. He had such a good time that we’re taking him to Six Flags.”
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One day on a construction site in Birmingham, two drywall workers showed up with a pig between them in the seat of their pickup. They said they found it walking down 459 and asked what they should do. I told them to take it to the zoo.
Didn’t see them the rest of the day.
Next day, they show up again with the pig and it has a bow tie and top hat on. I say, “I thought I told y’all to take that thing to the zoo.”
“We did. He had such a good time that we’re taking him to Six Flags.”
Well? Did you hear how it went at 6 flags?
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During Biden's State of the Union speech last night, his handlers caught him leering out into the crowd. They tried to follow his gaze and figure out what was drawing his attention. It looked like he was focused on Lauren Boebert sitting amongst the spectators.
When he staggered off the stage, his handler sidled up next to him and whispered "Mr. President, it's not a good idea for you to be ogling 37 year olds from the podium. Try to be careful about that."
Biden immediately perked up. "There were thirty of them?"
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Coffee cups are no longer being supplied in major cities for fear of being mugged.
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It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People Online.
It still hasn't arrived.
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I was going to donate blood but they just ask too many questions.
Whose blood is it? Why is it in a bucket?
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I have a few butt jokes I could put on here, but they’re pretty shitty.
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My neighbor says his dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away.
That seems a bit far-fetched to me.
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The population of Ireland's capital city is really growing.
In fact, it's Dublin.
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I refuse to eat German sausage. It is the wurst.
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I was tardy coming to work at the Electrician Company.
My boss said, "Wire you insulate."
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I'm gonna' write a book about all the things I should have done.
It will be my oughtabiography.
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New research has made it difficult for scientists to trust atoms. They seem to make up everything.
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I saw a typo on a headstone the other day.
It was a grave mistake.
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My wife sent me to the grocery store to pick up a 6 pack of sprite. When I got home I realized I accidentally picked 7 Up.
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My girlfriend said she couldn’t attend the Innuendo Seminar next week.
She asked if I’d like to fill her slot instead.
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What is the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?
You can't hear a vitamin.
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I told myself I need to stop drinking.
But, I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.
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Donate a kidney and everybody says you’re a hero.
Bring in five and some asshole calls the police.
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A MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
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I told myself I need to stop drinking.
But, I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.
https://youtu.be/jqkNGbd3V1E?si=kf9AAF89PVjtD7zF
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https://youtu.be/jqkNGbd3V1E?si=kf9AAF89PVjtD7zF
So he’s not original. At least he’s not reporting people dying when they don’t.
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So he’s not original. At least he’s not reporting people dying when they don’t.
Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.
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Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.
Me?
I am not the one wrong all the time. I’m good, bro. Want to meet at the Prattville Sonic?
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Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.
You assume your juvenile jabs affect me. They do not.
How’s this…
You’re a prick. That doesn’t mention anything about how you post stuff on here that is inaccurate and asinine. More on your level?
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You assume your juvenile jabs affect me. They do not.
How’s this…
You’re a prick. That doesn’t mention anything about how you post stuff on here that is inaccurate and asinine. More on your level?
Soak it good. You got a lot of sand in there.
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Soak it good. You got a lot of sand in there.
Again, nothing of substance.
You’re laughable. I understand why your woman doesn’t sleep (or fuck) you. No one likes a joke when it’s on them.
How about meeting at the Steak and Shake? I like a good burger.
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CCTAU
Hahahahahhahahahabhabahabbababa
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CCTAU
Hahahahahhahahahabhabahabbababa
Go smoke a bowl. You sound unhinged when you get like this.
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Go smoke a bowl. You sound unhinged when you get like this.
I am hinged, you fat fuck.
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Can’t we all just get along?
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Can’t we all just get along?
Fuck you, Rodney King.
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Fuck you, Rodney King.
Nice catch. +5
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Nice catch. +5
Nice softball. I would have drilled that pitch to right field for a single.
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Did you guys hear about the deer that ran into a dentist's office? He was concerned about his buck teeth!
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My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
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What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
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What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
I know you look up to Snags, even though he’s shorter than you but it’s not making you look becoming by any stretch of the imagination. It’s sad. You are capable of much better.
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I know you look up to Snags, even though he’s shorter than you but it’s not making you look becoming by any stretch of the imagination. It’s sad. You are capable of much better.
It’s your lack of good taste that keeps you from the VIP section of the board, which I am now in.
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It’s your lack of good taste that keeps you from the VIP section of the board, which I am now in.
Burn!!!
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I was hurt so bad after GF died that I almost moved to south Florida just to be closer to his memory. It hurt because we were on bad terms when he died. But I started thinking hard about it and came to the conclusion that I didn’t give that much of a fuck about it. I never really liked him much at all I just wish he would have liked me when he died.
I am afraid that some of you may be faced with this. There seems to be a lot of animosity and ill feelings. What if one of you departs this world without having the opportunity to make up?
I know that if Token is killed in the line of duty, I will likely feel a sense of remorse for taking shots at his weight struggles. But in reality, it is highly unlikely that he would be shot by an unarmed black kid.
Let’s make an attempt to reach across to get along. I plan to be nicer to you democrats and queers. Biden and RFK, jr supporters are fucked up, sure but they are my brothers. Or, sisters . Or whatever they identify as.
Let us remember that Jarhead voted for Gary’s Johnson. Mainly because AUChizad did, I’m sure. But where would we be without his leadership right now? We could have written him off back then. On second thought, maybe that’s a bad example.
I still plan to open my own place as those of you who have received invitations are aware. Only MAGA allowed. But until then, let’s pretend to accept these faggots and pretend to like them. Act as if you accept their fucked up point of view even though they have ZERO accomplishments or achievements to point to.
Be nice.
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I’m not a good cook. I have to follow recipes or it turns out horribly. I was trying to heat some salmon in the oven the other night. First step said to turn the oven 180 degrees.
Well fuck. Now I can’t even open the door.
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If Karen Carpenter married Adam Ant, she'd be Karen Carpenter Ant.
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I think the Rolling Stones and Styx are going out on tour. They're calling it The Styx & Stones Tour.
This is the right place...
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I intend to live forever.
So far, so good…
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I intend to live forever.
So far, so good…
Congratulations on being tied for first place, so far. Keep up the good work.
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I think the Rolling Stones and Styx are going out on tour. They're calling it The Styx & Stones Tour.
This is the right place...
What the....? You stolt the joke I stolt.
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I think the Rolling Stones and Styx are going out on tour. They're calling it The Styx & Stones Tour.
This is the right place...
The rest of you mother fuckers are joking for second place, because CCTAU just won this thread with this highly original joke.
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The rest of you mother fuckers are joking for second place, because CCTAU just won this thread with this highly original joke.
You son of a....
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My Dad only had one leg, but he worked at the Brewery for 40 years. He was in charge of the Hops.
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Whenever you hear strange noises at night, immediately make stranger noises to assert your dominance.
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What do the Mafia and vaginas have in common?
One careless slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
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The rest of you mother fuckers are joking for second place, because CCTAU just won this thread with this highly original joke.
This man knows. And he’s not even pre-med…
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I thought about starting a taxi service for the elderly & calling it Oldsmobile.
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Ten passengers have called me a terrible bus driver today.
I don't know where these people get off.
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I used to like playing chess with old men in the park, but I finally just gave up.
Do you know how hard it is to find exactly 16 white and 16 black men?
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I used to like playing chess with old men in the park, but I finally just gave up.
Do you know how hard it is to find exactly 16 white and 16 black men?
It has taken several pages and a bunch of swings and misses. But, finally. I giggled. Just a tad but still..
Thank u to Kaos for this high level and original humor. At least I assume that’s original thought. Surely you wouldn’t post copyrighted material like some of these losers.
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It has taken several pages and a bunch of swings and misses. But, finally. I giggled. Just a tad but still..
Thank u to Kaos for this high level and original humor. At least I assume that’s original thought. Surely you wouldn’t post copyrighted material like some of these losers.
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
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I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I told the census taker that no one in my family is left handed.
She said, "All righty then."
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Met a girl at a bar the other night. Took her home and we started fooling around on the couch. After a while she whispered, "do you want to take this to the bedroom?"
Yeah, no. I don't have space for a couch in there.
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Met a girl at a bar the other night. Took her home and we started fooling around on the couch. After a while she whispered, "do you want to take this to the bedroom?"
Yeah, no. I don't have space for a couch in there.
She sounds like an idiot!
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A Roman walked into a bar, held up two fingers and said, "5 beers, please".
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Meanwhile, in the Australian Army...
Private, did you come here to die?
No sir, I came here yesterday.
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I'm starting a club for twins not separated at birth.
Anyone conjoin.
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Found concert tickets for sale for 45 cents the other day. The headline consisted of 50 Cent followed by Nickelback.
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Found concert tickets for sale for 45 cents the other day. The headline consisted of 50 Cent followed by Nickelback.
You have horrible musical tastes.
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My friend Raymond said he was going to come over and dig me a big water hole this weekend.
I know he means well.
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I can't find my "Gone In 60 Seconds" DVD.
It was here a minute ago.
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My wife started smoking a few days back.
I had to slow down and apply lube to get her to stop.
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.
"Buffalo come," Tonto says.
"How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger.
"Ear sticky."
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I dated a tennis player for a while. She was in great shape, the sex was pretty amazing, but in the end I just had to walk away.
I had deep feelings for this girl, but I found out love meant nothing to her.
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Dire Straits are opening a café.
They'll take money for muffins, but the chips are free.
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My girlfriend's cat died last week. She said she wanted to get another one just like it.
Why the heck does she want two dead cats?
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Not a dad joke, but…
This older couple was just about to retire and move from the cold north, down south to live out their days in Texas. Ole Earl had always gone on and on about when they get to Texas, the first thing he’s doing is buy some fine cowboy boots.
Well, they moved to Texas and sure enough, Earl buys him the nicest, shiniest pair of cowboy boots he can find. He wears them all around the house, but his wife never says a word about them. So, he goes in the bedroom, strips down buck naked except for the boots. He walks out in all his glory and says, “You notice anything different about me now?” His wife says, “Nope, just the same old, sad dick hanging straight down like it has the last 10 years.”
Earl says, “Well, it’s hanging straight down because it’s staring at my new cowboy boots!!!” Without missing a beat, she says, “You shoulda’ bought a hat, Earl. You shoulda’ bought a hat.”
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A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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What's the difference between light and hard?
I can sleep with a light on.
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I was driving down the road and saw my ex.
It's funny how "I'd hit that" changes meaning over the years.
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A man is in Las Vegas and losing his ass. He cannot win anything, and before he knows it, he has absolutely no money left. The only thing he does have is his plane ticket home, but he has no way to the airport.
He walks out of the casino and sees a solitary cab with the cabby leaning against it. He walks over and asks the driver if there's any way he could just take him to the airport. He swears that he will wire the cabby the money the moment he gets home, but the cabby is a total dick.
"You know how many fucking losers I deal with everyday that give me that bullshit story? Fuck you ya piece of shit. Get away from me before I call the cops", the shithead cabby says.
Well, the guy walks half way to the airport, finally thumbs a ride, and gets home.
He has an outstanding year in business and makes a killing in the market.
Almost a year to the day, he goes back to the same casino where he previously lost his ass, but this time he kills. He cannot lose. Blackjack, slots, you name it, and he's kickin' it's ass.
When it's finally time to go, he walks out of the casino and sees a line of about 5 cabs. As he looks down the row, he sees that same asshole that gave him such a hard time the previous year, leaning against his cab at the end of the cab line.
He goes up to the nearest cabby and says, "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabby says $10.
The guy says, "OK. How about I give you an extra $2 and you suck my cock?"
The cabby nearly hits him, and tells him to get the hell out of there before he calls the cops.
So the guy goes to the next cab and the next cab, and so on, asking the same thing, "How much for a ride to the airport...how about I give you an extra $2 to suck my dick?", and each time he gets told to go away.
Finally, the guy comes to the shithead cab driver from last year, and says, "How much for a ride to the airport?", to which the cabby says $10.
So without another word, the guy hops in the cab.
As the cab is pulling past the other cab drivers, the guy holds up 2 $1 bills against the side window, smiles and gives the other cab drivers the thumbs up.
The End
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I'm going to a new restaurant in town called Karma.
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
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My ex wife told me she didn't want to have any more children after 36.
Fine with me, I really only wanted two or three anyway.
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I ate a kid’s meal today at McDonald’s.
He acted like a bitch about it and told his mom.
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What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
Light blue.
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When my wife showed up in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey, I knew she was a keeper.
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My daughter screamed for three days atme to buy her a pony.
It did not work.
All she got was a little hoarse…
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My daughter screamed for three days atme to buy her a pony.
It did not work.
All she got was a little hoarse…
I hate to admit that I enjoyed this one.
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”
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Today, my wife and I were fighting over who was going to do the laundry.
Eventually, I threw in the towel.
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If a woman has sex with 100 men in a weekend she’s considered a slut.
If a man does it? He’s gay. Definitely gay.
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If a woman has sex with 100 men in a weekend she’s considered a slut.
If a man does it? He’s gay. Definitely gay.
Boy you can hear a pin drop in here with this bunch…
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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his friend.
Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again, Christian!"
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In honor of 420 I rolled a joint yesterday.
Unfortunately it was my ankle.
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My girlfriend asked if I would put ketchup on the grocery list.
Now she says she can’t read anything.
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Holy shit, all that for a punch line like that?
I love it.
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Justice is a dish best served cold. If served warm it would be justwater.
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Nobody wants to listen to Whitesnake with me.
Well, here I go again on my own.
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Survived a fall off a 16-foot ladder earlier this week.
Was only from the first rung, but still.