Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: AU_Tiger_2000 on April 23, 2013, 06:19:15 PM
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I present exhibit A of why I did not pursue sorority girls at Auburn (exhibit B would be my bank statement while at Auburn, but that's another matter).
Just read this letter, you will learn lots of new phrases that might come in handy someday, such as "mommy part punt".
http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you-will-ever-read
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking mommy part punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.
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And it gets even better.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4ad20b4edf/michael-shannon-reads-the-insane-sorority-letter?playlist=featured_videos
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I present exhibit A of why I did not pursue sorority girls at Auburn (exhibit B would be my bank statement while at Auburn, but that's another matter).
Just read this letter, you will learn lots of new phrases that might come in handy someday, such as "mommy part punt".
http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you-will-ever-read
You have it all wrong...
This shit is fucking awesome!
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http://totalfratmove.com/1206401/comment-page-2/
(http://totalfratmove.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/f44cf89f3409077f5cc1725a749b7fdb1023741520.png)
(http://totalfratmove.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/dc650120512eb37584d8cd07938540ef533196536-600x487.png)
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The comments. Pee in her butt then punt the mommy part. :rofl:
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The comments. Pee in her butt then punt the mommy part. :rofl:
Uncle Sani is humorous.
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What the fuck is up with her fugly friends? It's like they've got vortex faces or something.
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What the fuck is up with her fugly friends? It's like they've got vortex faces or something.
That's just cause they suck better than a black hole.
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What the fudge is up with her fugly friends? It's like they've got vortex faces or something.
Maybe that's why they wouldn't talk to the Sigma Nu's.
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Supposedly, these are her tweets (not twat):
http://imgur.com/a/bAJhA
Also:
(http://scallywagandvagabond.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/bar1.jpg) (http://wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net/809EBF/ec-origin.boston.barstoolsports.com/files/2013/04/529287_10151242578062721_1011724400_n.jpg)
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She seems to have back problems. She can only stand comfortably with her left hand on her hip while arching her back.
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She seems to have back problems. She can only stand comfortably with her left hand on her hip while arching her back.
That is some fucking sorority pose that started like 2 years ago. It is fucking obnoxious.
BTW not gonna lie her morning wood comment made it move.
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I want to see her nekkid
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I want to see her nekkid
That's what I'm thinking too.
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She isn't smart enough to have tweets that funny
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She seems to have back problems. She can only stand comfortably with her left hand on her hip while arching her back.
That's because the stupid girl has NO tits. That is called the Miracle Bra pose - cocking a hip and arching your back makes what little you have look bigger on camera.
I myself, of course, have never faced that problem. But I can recognize it in the less blessed of my sisteren.
IMO, Miracle Bras are false advertisement.
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She isn't smart enough to have tweets that funny
Agreeance. At least half of those are something she read somewhere else, thought was funny, and stolt.
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That's because the stupid girl has NO tits. That is called the Miracle Bra pose - roostering a hip and arching your back makes what little you have look bigger on camera.
I myself, of course, have never faced that problem. But I can recognize it in the less blessed of my sisteren.
IMO, Miracle Bras are false advertisement.
I do the embarrassed 6th grader who matured early slouch to hide mine.
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I do the embarrassed 6th grader who matured early slouch to hide mine.
I'm proud of my tits. I can lick them.
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I'm proud of my tits. I can lick them.
"That is so hot," said no woman ever.
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"That is so hot," said no woman ever.
Well, I can crush a beer can between them too. I practice doing that in front of the mirror doing a little strip tease dance. I can assure you, it's hot.
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The pictures made me like her even more. That girl is hot.
And another thing, every thing she is saying is true. She was probably tired of all the bitching a drama and was pissed. I like a fiery woman that will say "mommy part punt"...
But that's just me...
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SHE GONE!
http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/sorority-girl-email-writer--resigns--from-delta-gamma-172810311.html
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Didn't see that one coming. Unless everybody did.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTqj3P1rmdw
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Well, I can crush a beer can between them too.
Blondie?
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Blondie?
Do you know Blondie?! From the ATL or just a fan of hers from outta town like me. She is quite the entertainer. You know what became of her?
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Do you know Blondie?! From the ATL or just a fan of hers from outta town like me. She is quite the entertainer. You know what became of her?
I've been there a few times. Far as I know, she's still working there.
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I've been there a few times. Far as I know, she's still working there.
It's been many years since I was there. Only went 3 or 4 times with some friends. Can't remember the name of that club that looks like someone's old house but it was a cool place. For anyone who has never seen Blondie, words cannot describe. Maybe AUJarhead can.
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ahh yes! That's the place. Nice poster.
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It's been many years since I was there. Only went 3 or 4 times with some friends. Can't remember the name of that club that looks like someone's old house but it was a cool place. For anyone who has never seen Blondie, words cannot describe. Maybe AUJarhead can.
Anthony Bourdain's show "The Layover" was in Atlanta a few weeks ago. The wife and I used to live in ATL so we watched. As any good show that talks about Atlanta culture should it ended up at the Clermont Lounge interviewing Blondie. She was still up there on the stage, 60 years old, topless and doing the splits.
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(http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Adam-Sandler-thatsmyboy.jpg)