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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #680 on: June 22, 2011, 11:06:22 AM »
I think we've covered Charlie Kaufman in this thread previously.  You either love him or hate him.  I think he's one of the few original minds in Hollywood.

The stories my 5 year old makes up are original too.  I don't know if I want them stretched to 2+ hours and filmed.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #681 on: June 22, 2011, 09:46:50 PM »
I think we've covered Charlie Kaufman in this thread previously.  You either love him or hate him.  I think he's one of the few original minds in Hollywood.

We did. 

And I defended him with all of my might.

But Being John Malkovich was awful.  It tried way too hard to have a profound meaning.

I still stand behind Eternal Sunshine and Adaptation.  I just may never watch them again. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #682 on: June 23, 2011, 09:23:51 AM »
May have been covered earlier but I saw the new Pirates the other night.  Same as all the others.  Took the 10 year old and we both enjoyed it because I'm a big fan of that series.  Same story line, pretty much the same actors, same ending.....

But that's okay because I don't care for sequels that go to extremes to try and top the one before.  If the original works, stay with it.   
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #683 on: June 23, 2011, 09:57:49 AM »
It's Alive

No. It's not. 

Bad movie.  Bad fake baby.   Bad acting. Bad setup. Bad performance. Bad delivery.

Bad. 

I'd beat that baby's ass 

I remember this movie...  Typical 70's crap...  I was a little too young to see it when it came out, but when I eventually saw it, I was severely disappointed.  The television commercials were far more scary than the actual movie. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #684 on: June 23, 2011, 09:59:57 AM »
I remember this movie...  Typical 70's crap...  I was a little too young to see it when it came out, but when I eventually saw it, I was severely disappointed.  The television commercials were far more scary than the actual movie.

New version, actually. 


Made in 2008. 

Still sucked.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #685 on: June 24, 2011, 11:00:04 PM »
Cars 2

Animation is absolutely amazing.  The background scenery is particularly impressive. 

I hate Owen Wilson's whiny ass voice.  The only time I can tolerate Larry the Dumbass, Legend's role model, is when he's being a tow truck. Then he's tolerable.  Even occasionally amusing. 

Cars 2 was half again too long, despite the eye-popping animation.  It began to drag with its convoluted race/spy movie mashup. 

The original Cars had heart and purpose.  You grew to care at least a little about the plight of the little wide spot in the road the crew called home. It was a wistful homage to the hundreds of small towns that shriveled up and died as a result of Interstate projects that bypassed them. 

This?  Zero heart at all.  Just a visually overwhelming and incredibly noisy explosion of color and sound. 

For parents of small kids there were a couple of references to "killing" this car or that car, including one demand to "kill Lightning McQueen."  This frightened and disturbed my niece (five years old) who understands that "killed means they can't wake up any more."  Not good. 

For the record, I didn't need, want or give half of a technicolor shit in a leprechaun's pot to have the "green agenda" rammed down my throat in the guise of a kid's movie.   Whatever happened to just telling a good story (this one was not) without using the film as a pulpit to preach "oil companies are bad..?"

Cars, I'd give a solid four out of five (in retrospect).  Cars 2?  Two is right. 

That said?  It's going to make a fuckpot of money.  Every showing was sold out tonight.  And by sold out, I mean people in every fucking seat. 

Transformers comes out next week.  That's what I'm waiting on.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #686 on: June 25, 2011, 10:55:34 PM »

Transformers comes out next week.  That's what I'm waiting on.
meh...you are just happy Megan Fox isn't in it.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #687 on: June 25, 2011, 11:49:29 PM »
meh...you are just happy Megan Fox isn't in it.
The new chick is smoking hott.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #688 on: June 29, 2011, 01:46:12 AM »
Transformers 3

It's rare when the third film in a series manages to rise to the occasion and elevate the franchise. Usually the third film sucks ass as the franchise grows flat and stale.  Godfather III anyone?

There are exceptions. Friday the 13th 3D managed the trick.  Star Wars: Return of the Jedi was as good as any even though the damn Ewoks very nearly fucked it completely up.  Rocky III didn't diminish the franchise, but it was Rocky 4 that raised the bar.   Christmas Vacation remains the best of the Vacation foursome.

Add Transformers to the list.  The third installment of the Transformers series is far, far better than the second which suffered from a number of false starts, not the least of which was the Ying Yang twins.  It's not quite as good as the first but only because the first was such a mind-blowing special effects spectacle and nobody was really sure Shia could pull off his role. 

The Dark of the Moon stretches the bounds of logic a little and has some surprise guests lend realism to the fable.  But so what?  It's gorgeously rendered.  It tells a story that can be fairly easily followed and doesn't stray into too much mumbo jumbo jargon or preachiness.

The producers took out the idiotic dog humping and horny mother eats pot brownies lowbrow efforts at comedic relief and let Shia channel his inner Lewis Stevens instead.  There was just enough of the mom and dad to remind you of their eccentricities and just the right mix of moments that make you laugh. 

You know they've done a good job when you find yourself cheering the Autobots and hoping nothing bad happens to them.  They manage to humanize animated objects. 

Speaking of animation--- holy shit.  Absolutely amazing.  At some point you start to wonder if they didn't just build the damn things in real life and then destroy a large American city to get it right. 

It is what it is.  Lots and lots of things blow up.  The good guys fight the bad guys.  You know the good guys will eventually win because that's what happens in movies, but the film gets you to care about the ride. 

Awesome movie.   99.583% bad ass.  Can't wait to see it again. 

Tons of star power. Lots of people got their beaks wet on this one.

If there is any complaint it would be that it is a little long. 2:34 Could probably have cut about 20-30 minutes and tightened it up a bit.  I can see how it would be hard to decide what to cut.  Do we kill some of this abso-fucking-loutely awesome animation?  Dial back some of the humorous breaks?  Cut mom and dad out of the movie completely?   Not sure what could or should have been trimmed. 

Oh, one more thing?  Meagan who? 

The movie didn't suffer at all from her absence.  In fact, i think it might have been better without her.

You can bet that the critics will savage it, but when it comes to movies like this, they are elitist fuckwad assholes. 

It's a big, noisy, fun movie.  Fuck the critics.

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #689 on: June 29, 2011, 10:32:15 AM »
Quote
The Dark of the Moon stretches the bounds of logic a little

Besides the intelligent transforming alien machines? 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #690 on: June 29, 2011, 10:33:40 AM »
Besides the intelligent transforming alien machines?
That's plausible??
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #691 on: June 29, 2011, 11:27:59 AM »
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #692 on: June 29, 2011, 01:35:16 PM »
I was right.  Critics can't see past their own snobbery. 

They see "Michael Bay" and start pissing blood.  On this one, they're all full of shit.  Here's how pathetic their kind can really be:

Quote
With "Transformers," the third time is apparently the charm.
Not that there's much that's actually charming about "Transformers: Dark of the Moon." It is the same sort of deafening mayhem celebration as its two absolutely awful predecessors.
Except this time it works. Or at least it isn't fully repugnant. OK, I'll admit it — this is hard — the big silly thing is sort of great.
An admission like that can end a critical career, the first two "Transformers" movies being among the most loathsome films of the past decade, but it must be made.

This fuck is so worried that someone might think him less discerning for actually liking a loud, fun, screen chewing, robot brawling, visually bad ass movie that he has to couch it in negatives. 

Most weren't able to leave their haughtiness at the door. 

Here's a sample:
Quote
Despite having the finest technical talent at his disposal, Bay just flails around like a kid in a 3D candy store watching bots morph into cars and back again and battle each other like dueling refrigerators. Bay believes that you can indeed kick a dead horse forever and the profits his bot epics rake in prove him right. He's laughing (at us) all the way to the bank.


Of course this comes from the same kind of fucks who thought "The Reader" was great cinema and that "Inception and "Kings Speech" are masterpieces. 

Apparently when you become a movie critic, you are issued a stick to shove up your ass. 

Irony?  Maybe.  But I like what I like and don't rape or love stuff because other people do or because I want to appear more erudite. 

Fuck the critics.  Go see Transformers. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #693 on: June 29, 2011, 01:47:30 PM »
Fuck the critics.  Go see Transformers.

Wait..by reviewing movies doesn't that make you a critic?  But you like Transformers....but I am supposed to fuck the critics.  I am so confused. Hold me.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #694 on: June 29, 2011, 01:59:11 PM »
Wait..by reviewing movies doesn't that make you a critic?  But you like Transformers....but I am supposed to fuck the critics.  I am so confused. Hold me.

Everything I tell you is a lie. 

I just lied. 




Your brain just exploded. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #695 on: June 29, 2011, 02:12:04 PM »
I read a review about the original Transformers which perfectly sums up the movies and why I like them.  It went something like,

There was no plot, the dialogue was horrible....Giant robots are hitting each other!  Weeeee!!!!!!
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #696 on: July 04, 2011, 12:09:58 PM »
The Green Hornet

Should have been named The Unfunny Brown Turd

Hate for Seth Rogen reinforced.  What a putz. 

This movie fails on so many levels you can't list them all.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #697 on: July 05, 2011, 12:17:50 PM »
The Green Hornet

Should have been named The Unfunny Brown Turd

Hate for Seth Rogen reinforced.  What a putz. 

This movie fails on so many levels you can't list them all.

Seth Rogan and Zack Garagahauytytsdgdllaiifiliggas most overrated actors evah.

Ray Liotta and Don Cheadle most underrated actors evah.

Discuss.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #698 on: July 30, 2011, 02:20:26 PM »
Limitless

I really, really, really wanted to like this movie. 

The concept of tapping the alleged unused portion of the brain, the ability to catalog and store everything you've ever seen and heard -- and have the means to call it up whenever necessary -- and the power that could come from being able to think two steps ahead is fascinating to me. 

But the movie fumbled the ball.

I still liked it because I went into it wanting to like it, but there's not much to recommend it. 

Bradley Cooper was pretty good, but there were some absolutely ridiculous contrivances. 

For starters why was the creepy Russian mobster guy coming to whip his ass?  He sold the book, kicked stock market ass and had plenty of cabbage.   Was he really going to let that loose end dangle ESPECIALLY since he'd been operating at high mental capacity and should have easily seen the potential trouble brewing there? 

Could you really leave bloody, murderous carnage in your apartment and be elected to the Senate?  Doubt even Ted Kennedy could have gotten away with that.

Why did the (admittedly cute) girlfriend keep bipping and bopping in and out of his life? 

Why did the killers of the ex-GF's brother leave the place?  If the cops weren't coming, why were they not still there tearing it apart? 

The movie was supposed to explore the concept of expanding mental capacity.  Instead it only used about 5% of its brainpower in this sloppy mess. 

Didn't hate it, but I wouldn't tell anybody to go see it. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #699 on: July 30, 2011, 07:55:00 PM »
Kaos have you watched Unknow with Liam Neeson, it's worth a look.
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