Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Jumbo]

In future conversations, you will refer to me as... Mr. Sanderson and I will refer to you as... Mrs. Esterhouse

Keep your eye on the fruit, keep you eye on the fruit.

[Kaos]

Neighbor

The promo photo (below) looked good.  The premise was interesting:  Attractive woman with a bent mind moves in, dude next door ends up getting tortured in the basement for her amusement. 

Problem?  Too many to list.  Here are a few:

Film looked like it was shot on some douchebag's hand-held HD camera.

Nobody in the movie could act -- not even a little bit.

The lead actress, America Olivio, was the worst actress of all.  I've seen grade school plays with better performances.  Maybe if she'd taken her clothes off there would have been some miniscule amount of redeeming value, but not even close. 

The score was atrocious.

The storyline was muddled, none of the characters had any depth or believability.

The characters had no viable motive, there was no rationale for their actions.  And they couldn't act a lick.

Flipping back and forth in time/dream sequences left the film confused (but you won't care).

Constant continuity foul ups.  Slam a door and the sign on it falls off.  Next scene sign is back.  Same sign appears in three different locations.

Wasn't expecting Pulp Fiction or Halloween (the 70s version) but figured to get a little spooky torture porn to pass the time.  Instead, got this abomination.   

Absolutely in the top five of worst movies I've ever seen.  Give me ten days, $50, two bottles of vodka, and an iPhone and I could make a better film. 

[Token]

Easy A

I like it.  I love Emma Stone. 

Fuck yall.

[Kaos]

Easy A

I like it.  I love Emma Stone. 

Fuck yall.

Movie already reviewed several pages back. 

[Godfather]

Easy A

I like it.  I love Emma Stone. 

Fuck yall.

[Jumbo]

Bridesmaids is teh shiznit.

[Snaggletiger]

Bridesmaids is teh shiznit.

In depth, yet succinct and to the point.

[Jumbo]

In depth, yet succinct and to the point.

Like fisting.

[Buzz Killington]

Hit the Redbox over the weekend and finally got around to seeing The Green Hornet and Little Fockers.

I loathe almost everything about Seth Rogen, so I hadn't really had any desire to see TGH...but little man is into the superhero action flicks already, so we got it against my better judgment.  A few minutes into the movie, I realized that Britt Reid was the perfect character for him to play though; a simple, childish idiot who thinks he's ten feet tall and bullet proof.

The action scenes were decent at best, but the comedic interface was enough to make the movie entertaining.  The cars were badass though.

As for Little Fockers...
I fell asleep 25 minutes in.

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Way way way behind movie review.  Mad Max 2 aka The Road Warrior aka Smokey and the Bandit gone horribly wrong.

Flipping through the movie channels and saw that this was going to be on, decided to DVR for later viewing which I got around to last night.

If you are going to make a movie with no plot, hardly any dialogue, and no big problems to solve this is the way to do it.  George Miller really made his chops with the first two Mad Max films and then somebody gave him a budget and he responded by hiring Tina Turner and crapping out Beyond Thunderdome, Babe, and Happy Feet.  That's right, the guy who gave us Mad Max Rockatansky went on to make movies about pigs who talk to sheep and dancing penguins.

If any of you have ever missed this movie and really like car chase scenes you have got to pick this one up, it should be at a dollar bin near you.  If you like to nitpick apart mechanical and engineering impossibilities such as a semi rig sitting out in the desert for years just need 5 gallons of diesel to start up and drive on its non dry rotted tires you will like it to. 

Oh, and according to IMDB the scene where the biker hits the car and then flips end over end toward the camera was not fake.  The stunt went wrong and the stuntman nearly died and they left it in the film anyway.

And watching this movie again reminded me of why I always wanted a Blue Heeler named Dog.

[Townhallsavoy]

Amadeus

I like it.  Great movie.  Seemed a bit "made for TV," so I was a little confused on how it won so many awards.

I did get annoyed with the whole "God hates me" angle.  Also, the priest listening to the story was a nancy.  He should have interrupted him very early on in his story to say, "Shut up and get over yourself."

[Kaos]

It's Complicated

It's not complicated. It's dreary, overlong and drizzly.

If you like watching Meryl Streep (one of the most overrated actresses of our time) flit, flip her hair, laugh like a loon for no apparent reason and look like hell on a platter, this is your movie.  If you want to watch Alec Baldwin priss, purse his lips and make hangdog eyes at a creepily ugly hag then this is your film.  If you want to see John Krasinski fail yet again to escape being Jim from the Office pretending to be another goofy guy you're supposed to like, then grab this off the rental rack.   If you're into watching Steve Martin portray a sad and ineffectual schlub who is mystifyingly attracted to a shrewish hag and is simultaneously mystifyingly seen as attractive by her, then you've found your flick. 

If you don't want to wish you had seven hours of your life back, then let this one go.   What?  Run time was only 120 minutes? You're KIDDING.   Seemed like I spent a month waiting for this to end. 

Basic premise? Shockingly poorly aged Meryl Streep has an affair with ex husband ten years after the divorce and while he's having a bad time with his marriage to a much younger (and much tighter) other woman. How bad did Streep look with her big baggy ass and sandblasted face? During one scene where she was eating some chocolate turd thing, I thought she had a wad of chocolate on her nose.  Nope.  It was a shadow from her hawkish bill.

Obviously, obviously, obviously written by a woman.  Probably a very ugly woman who hates men because they fuck her for sport and then don't bother calling again.  Either that or her husband left her for somebody who didn't look like a fucking yeti. 

No way is Alec's character going to be attraced to leatherface when he has a better-looking option at home.  No way.  Written by a woman?  Yep.  Because at the end -- and this shit is so dreadful I'm not going to even avoid spoilers -- the only person left with nothing is Baldwin's character.  He slinks off broken and empty, but happy he ruined his life by sticking it to a baggy piece of naugahyde.   And then leatherface humps her big fat ass over toward schlubbing Steve Martin instead.  Mr. Mealymouth nice guy. 

I LOATHED this dreadful wad of shit.  What a terrible movie.  Utter garbage.

[Kaos]

Skyline

Another "aliens take over the world" film. 

Unlike Independence Day where we were inspired and allowed to hope that somewhere, somehow a nerd and a fighter jockey could team up to find the brains and brawn to defeat the bastards, this movie left us with the depressing concept that in the end we're pretty much fucked.   Aliens gonna vacuum us up, eat our brains and be essentially impervious to any method of retaliation.  No hope. We lose.

Film starts with some ridiculous and unnecessary backstory about a guy who's made millions flying some friends out to LA.  Throwaway and a waste of nearly 30 minutes of movie time.  Dude's wealth plays no part in the movie.  Neither does another throwawy subplot regarding whether or not he was having an affair with his assistant -- which I think he was. But it didn't matter if he was or wasn't.  Wasted. 

Movie did feature Brittany Daniel, Scottie Thompson and Crystal Reed (all of whom are moderately hot and have porn star names) but none of them even approached naked.  Fail.

It started with the alien invasion and then flipped backward 15 hours to tell the flight to LA and party like a rock star story.  Stupid and unnecessary.  Total waste.

The special effects were fair, but not great. 

The ending was just terrible.  Terrible and ignorant.  It was like the producers ran out of money and said "okay, wrap this shit up now."

Rumor is that there will be a Skyline 2.  Maybe they'll provide some hope that the humans can win in that one.  Or what would be even better is if the producers of Independence Day saw this lame ass movie and decided to revive theirs. 

Of course this movie may have deterred that.  Despite a ridiculous amount of promotion the film tanked after the opening weekend.  It only took in $11 mil  when it opened and was outpaced by a dreadful Megamind and Due Date (both in their second weeks) as well as the debut of Unstoppable.  After that it fizzled away, drawing only another $10 mil.  With foreign box office, it finished 88th for the year. 

Battle Los Angeles fared better.  Will maybe give that a shot. 

[Godfather]

Skyline

You were kind in your review....this was one of the 2hrs in my life I will never get back.

Battle Los Angeles was decent, but when comparing it to Skyline its like comparing Godfather to well uh Skyline.

[GH2001]

Meryl Streep (one of the most overrated actresses of our time)

You serious Clark?

[Kaos]

You serious Clark?

Yep.  Sure am.  She's never impressed me. 

[Kaos]

Pirates 4: On Stranger Tides

Never thought I'd say this, but the film suffered from a little too much Depp. 

Never thought I'd say this, either, but it also suffered greatly from not having Bloom and Kiera to counterbalance the bizarre pretend world where people die and come to life at a whim. 

Never thought I'd say this, but the movie sorely missed the humor of the pirate pair (Pintel and Rigetti).  Side note, the guy who played Rigetti also played the Dwight character in the British version of The Office.

Never thought I'd consider this, but Ian McShane just didn't make a menacing enough foe.  There really wasn't a true villainous character to add the sense of danger.

Didn't count on this, but Penelope Cruz did look pretty hot in a couple of scenes, because she's generally not all that.  Her stupid accent was off-putting.  She also was clearly playing a part, you never quite went over and accepted her as what she was attempting to portray as you did in the past with Keira, Orlando and even Bill Nighy.

Not nearly as fun as the first movie, not nearly as convoluted as the third, not nearly as open-ended as the second.  But still...

It just seemed to me that the characters of Barbosa, Sparrow and Gibbs were playing caricatures of themselves, like cardboard cutouts standing around in lush locales. 

It wasn't bad.  Johnny Depp is still pretty and he had a few good lines. 

He's just not pirate enough to carry the entire movie (or franchise) by himself.  Savvy?

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Pirates 4: On Stranger Tides

Didn't count on this, but Penelope Cruz did look pretty hot in a couple of scenes, because she's generally not all that.

Johnny Depp is still pretty

 

[GH2001]

you beat me to it.

[Townhallsavoy]

Shawshank Redemption

What's the big deal?

I mean, great movie.  I like it a lot.  But it's #1 on IMDB.com's top 250 list. 

Better than Godfather?  No.

Better than The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly?  No.

I'd put it in my top 25.  It might make the top 25.  Maybe.