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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Tiger Wench

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #140 on: December 30, 2009, 12:28:02 PM »
OK, so I ditched work at lunch yesterday and went to see Twilight:  New Moon.  It was the only 11:30am movie besides Alvin & The Chipmunks, and I am taking the kids to see that Saturday.

I have read the first three Twilight books, and seen the first movie on DVD, and other than overwhelming teen angst and self esteem issues on the part of the lead actress, Bella I get what the obsession is all about.  Star crossed lovers, good versus evil, incredibly hot guy telling you that he cannot live without you, that you are his life now, that you are his own personal brand of heroin... and he is not trying to get in your pants.  It made my heart flutter with the Romeo-and-Juliet-ness of it all.  She is ageing every day, he is forever seventeen.  Very clean, no sex, only a few sweet kissing scenes, lots of long, languid, drawn out sigh filled anguished looks at one another...  totally appeals to the romantic in nearly any woman, regardless of age.

New Moon was a pretty good, light read.  Again, she could have cut out about a hundred pages of self esteem stuff and teen angst, but if kids are reading a 300+ page book, so much the better.  And the second romantic character gets introduced – the werewolf is the other man, so to speak, second to the vampire, who has left Bella “for her own good”.  Nothing like a good love triangle to get the romance vibes flowing.  So I was looking forward to the movie, a sweet, vapid, romantic distraction.  

I figured the place would be relatively empty.  Instead, I got the last seat in the decent section.  

And it was mostly women my age.

And when the klutzy Bella falls and cuts open her head, and Jacob, the seventeen year old werewolf guy (Taylor Lautner), stands up and removes his shirt to stop the bleeding, all the oxygen was sucked out of the room as every woman in the place inhaled sharply.

Including yours truly.





Holy shit.

And it just got better after that.  Now that he is a werewolf, Jacob has a body temp of 108 degrees, which removes the need for him to wear a shirt.  Even in the rain.  And it rains a lot in Forks, WA.  I may move there.

As an added bonus, as Edward (Robert Pattinson) is trying to kill himself at the end of the movie because he thinks Bella is dead, he strips off his shirt and starts to step into the sunlight.



Never has pasty white skin looked so awesome.

I left that movie, as they say, “all het up” – and that just does not happen to me.  I am just not like that – give me real life any day.  Especially over the most current tweeny obsession.  But there I was, all hot and bothered and no relief in sight.  Plus, I had to come back to work, just in time for staff meeting, and pretend to give a damn and a half about some stupid contract in Peru, all while my head is spinning with lustful thoughts of guys to whom I could technically have given birth (as a young teenager…)

But I did not care.  Not one little bit.  Call me cougar… Could care less.

And after we take our kids to see The Chipmunks on Saturday while our husbands watch football, my friend Becky and I are going to bring the kids back home to her house, drop them off with their fathers, and return to the theater to see Twilight:  New Moon.

Again.

Carl may have a very nice weekend.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2009, 12:29:32 PM by Tiger Wench »
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Jumbo

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #141 on: December 30, 2009, 01:36:25 PM »
OK, so I ditched work at lunch yesterday and went to see Twilight:  New Moon.  It was the only 11:30am movie besides Alvin & The Chipmunks, and I am taking the kids to see that Saturday.

I have read the first three Twilight books, and seen the first movie on DVD, and other than overwhelming teen angst and self esteem issues on the part of the lead actress, Bella I get what the obsession is all about.  Star crossed lovers, good versus evil, incredibly hot guy telling you that he cannot live without you, that you are his life now, that you are his own personal brand of heroin... and he is not trying to get in your pants.  It made my heart flutter with the Romeo-and-Juliet-ness of it all.  She is ageing every day, he is forever seventeen.  Very clean, no sex, only a few sweet kissing scenes, lots of long, languid, drawn out sigh filled anguished looks at one another...  totally appeals to the romantic in nearly any woman, regardless of age.

New Moon was a pretty good, light read.  Again, she could have cut out about a hundred pages of self esteem stuff and teen angst, but if kids are reading a 300+ page book, so much the better.  And the second romantic character gets introduced – the werewolf is the other man, so to speak, second to the vampire, who has left Bella “for her own good”.  Nothing like a good love triangle to get the romance vibes flowing.  So I was looking forward to the movie, a sweet, vapid, romantic distraction.  

I figured the place would be relatively empty.  Instead, I got the last seat in the decent section.  

And it was mostly women my age.

And when the klutzy Bella falls and cuts open her head, and Jacob, the seventeen year old werewolf guy (Taylor Lautner), stands up and removes his shirt to stop the bleeding, all the oxygen was sucked out of the room as every woman in the place inhaled sharply.

Including yours truly.





Holy shit.

And it just got better after that.  Now that he is a werewolf, Jacob has a body temp of 108 degrees, which removes the need for him to wear a shirt.  Even in the rain.  And it rains a lot in Forks, WA.  I may move there.

As an added bonus, as Edward (Robert Pattinson) is trying to kill himself at the end of the movie because he thinks Bella is dead, he strips off his shirt and starts to step into the sunlight.



Never has pasty white skin looked so awesome.

I left that movie, as they say, “all het up” – and that just does not happen to me.  I am just not like that – give me real life any day.  Especially over the most current tweeny obsession.  But there I was, all hot and bothered and no relief in sight.  Plus, I had to come back to work, just in time for staff meeting, and pretend to give a damn and a half about some stupid contract in Peru, all while my head is spinning with lustful thoughts of guys to whom I could technically have given birth (as a young teenager…)

But I did not care.  Not one little bit.  Call me cougar… Could care less.

And after we take our kids to see The Chipmunks on Saturday while our husbands watch football, my friend Becky and I are going to bring the kids back home to her house, drop them off with their fathers, and return to the theater to see Twilight:  New Moon.

Again.

Carl may have a very nice weekend.
I'm team Jacob.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #142 on: December 30, 2009, 01:56:23 PM »
Was I the only one turned on by the main indigenous chick?

Is it weird that a CGI 9 foot tall blue alien with a tail, pointy ears, etc. Did it for me?

Yes. You will receive a wedgie next time I see you.
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Tiger Wench

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #143 on: December 30, 2009, 03:39:53 PM »
I'm team Jacob.
I think the perfect solution would be Jacob in the winter time, because his skin is so hot and warm and luscious and... ahem, I mean, he would keep you warm.

And then Edward in the summer time, when it is too hot to sleep unless you can spoon with this drop dead gorgeous guy with an ice cold body... ice, ice, baby...
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Jumbo

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #144 on: December 30, 2009, 03:45:13 PM »
I think the perfect solution would be Jacob in the winter time, because his skin is so hot and warm and luscious and... ahem, I mean, he would keep you warm.

And then Edward in the summer time, when it is too hot to sleep unless you can spoon with this drop dead gorgeous guy with an ice cold body... ice, ice, baby...
If I were a teenage girl I would want to wash my clothes on Jacob's stomach.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #145 on: December 30, 2009, 04:31:55 PM »
If I were a teenage girl I would want to wash my clothes on Jacob's stomach.

That boy is in dire need of a belt. 

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #146 on: December 31, 2009, 09:53:50 AM »
Okay, so Little Buzz went with my parents to Gatlinburg right after Christmas...so I finally got around to watching several movies over the last few days.

The Blind Side:
Great movie, and I can see why Sandra Bullock is up for actress of the year, or whatever the award is called.  She was great in this movie.  Without giving away too much, the movie will make you laugh, then cry, then laugh and then cry some more.  The only downside was that the bammer sitting two seats over from me yelled out a Ro.. Rrr...Oh hell, I can't even make myself type that.  Anyway, he yelled it out at the top of his lungs as soon as Dick Sabban appeared the first time in the movie.  Never mind the fact that he was wearing a purple and gold tie.
Oh...sorry, back on topic.  It was funny to see all the coaches and the lack of acting ability.  Overall though, I would give it 3.5 out of 5 stars.  If I hadn't been sitting in a crowded theater full of crimpsum, I would have probably given it a 4.

The Hangover:
There are really no "unexpected" moments in this movie, especially after you have seen the trailer for it.  However, I still found myself rolling in the floor laughing at a few scenes in this movie.  I know he has played the same type character a hundred times over, but Zach Galifianakis was hilarious in this movie.  I would have to give it  4.25 out of 5 stars on the Buzz scale.

The Rock Star:
I can't believe I haven't seen this movie before, but somehow it escaped me for all these years.  Jennifer Aniston in her hottest years IMO.  The movie blew huge chunks, but there were some great scenes with Aniston and Dagmara Dominczyk, who played the band's PR person.


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Tiger Wench

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #147 on: January 01, 2010, 08:33:11 PM »
If I were a teenage girl I would want to wash my clothes on Jacob's stomach.
To hell with laundry.  I want to eat ice cream off his stomach.  Or at least start there...
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Jumbo

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #148 on: January 02, 2010, 01:19:12 AM »
To hell with laundry.  I want to eat ice cream off his stomach.  Or at least start there...
He's so hot you'd be drinking the ice cream.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #149 on: January 07, 2010, 05:28:51 PM »
The Hangover
Booo.  I got a hangover from watching this movie.  Just wasn't funny to me.  It had a few moments, but was hardly the fucking laugh parade I had been led to expect.  I really hate when somebody says "funniest movie ever, you'll laugh till you puke" and I skip over the laughing part and just go straight for the puking. 

The fuck with the beard? Spare me.  I don't ever want to see him (or that fucking Jonah Hill schlub) in another movie, but I see he's being pushed everywhere. 

Nothing redeeming at all in this movie for me.  I'd already seen Heather Graham's tits and there wasn't a baby attached to them when I did.

Inglorious Basterds

I like Tarantino. Reservoir Dogs is awesome.  Dusk Til Dawn is a fun movie.  Pulp Fiction is among my favorites. Both Kill Bills are way up there on my list. 

But this?  Sorry, it just didn't do it for me.  I enjoyed Brad Pitt's performance, it was awesome.  But the story was really just stupid.  I was right with it until the almost end.  What the fuck was that?  I understand creative license, but come the fuck on.  What's pathetic is that 20 years from now, kids who watch that movie will be confused thinking that's the way things really went down. 

Could have followed the same plot without the complete trashing of history near the end. 

For that reason  I just can't give it a positive review.  I'm glad I waited on the DVD.

Noticed that Tarantino found a way to get his feet obsession on the screen with the Cinderella scene.

Two decent looking women in the film.  Neither have any skin moments.



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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #150 on: January 07, 2010, 05:52:07 PM »
Kaos you should join Ebert, because your reviews are about as worthless.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #151 on: January 07, 2010, 06:11:10 PM »
Kaos you should join Ebert, because your reviews are about as worthless.
I chortled
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #152 on: January 07, 2010, 07:03:38 PM »
Kaos you should join Ebert, because your reviews are about as worthless.


At  least they are original and my own opinion.

As opposed to being recycled and regurgitated info from ESPN and other message boards that I try to pass off as "skreets"

I'll eventually review some films with which you can relate. Do you still have the Earnest Goes to... Collection on DVD?

BTW?  Your brain joined Siskel years ago.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2010, 07:06:21 PM by Kaos »
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #153 on: January 07, 2010, 07:35:43 PM »

At  least they are original and my own opinion.

As opposed to being recycled and regurgitated info from ESPN and other message boards that I try to pass off as "skreets"

I'll eventually review some films with which you can relate. Do you still have the Earnest Goes to... Collection on DVD?

BTW?  Your brain joined Siskel years ago.



Keep watching those movies.  Here's a smart choice for you, just stick to this, eventhough your views are just about worthless, it seems that aleast you know what you're looking at...again, eventhough it's wrong most of the time.  Let me guess, you've produced movies and written some too...
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #154 on: January 17, 2010, 11:26:55 AM »
Charlie Bartlett
Expected a movie about a teen aged pill dispensing faux-psychiatrist to be a lot more fun than this was.  While I realized it couldn't live up to the smug cool of Ferris Buehler I hoped it would at least reach the same playing field.  It didn't.  The biggest problem was the movie's main star.  They (they being the Hollywood moguls) have tried to force feed us Anton Yelchin in several films.  I'm not buying it.  He just doesn't have any presence. Female lead played by Kat Dennings (below) in an unconvincing, weak performance.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Positive reviews led me to this film. It was not as good as I was led to believe.  It tried too hard to be smart, hip and cool. Addressing the camera and stopping in places to back up and tell other parts of the story were supposed to be clever and instead were just annoying.  Val Kilmer at a gum snapping gay detective was, I'm sure, supposed to be crazy hilarious, but he just looked fat. Reedeeming feature was a lot of Michelle Monoaghan. Couple of brief nude shots.  Her I like. 

So why profile the two films together?  Because both featured Robert Downey, Jr.  In Bartlett he played Kat's dad and the high school principal.  In KKBB he played Michelle's love interest and a ruffian loser type.

What I learned from these two films is that Downey plays basically the same guy in every film, just with varying degrees of wealth/success. Tony Stark is Sherlock Holmes is principal whatever is loser whoever.  He's not the chameleon Johnny Depp is.  So I want to back up and elevate Depp again.


Kat Dennings


Michelle Monoaghan
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #155 on: January 17, 2010, 11:59:28 AM »
District 9

Just saw this the other night.  Amazing movie.  I highly recommend adding it to your Netflix list.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #156 on: January 17, 2010, 12:07:05 PM »
District 9

Just saw this the other night.  Amazing movie.  I highly recommend adding it to your Netflix list.
What would you rate it on the Buzz Scale?
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #157 on: January 17, 2010, 12:33:12 PM »
What would you rate it on the Buzz Scale?

Not sure what the Buzz Scale is, but I'll go with out of ten with ten being the best score.

9/10. 

It would be 10/10, but there were some inconsistencies in the storyline. 

District 9 is one of the best sci-fi movies I've ever seen.  It's not an adventure/action movie like Independence Day, War or the Worlds, or Aliens. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #158 on: January 17, 2010, 01:49:41 PM »
Not sure what the Buzz Scale is, but I'll go with out of ten with ten being the best score.

9/10. 

It would be 10/10, but there were some inconsistencies in the storyline. 

District 9 is one of the best sci-fi movies I've ever seen.  It's not an adventure/action movie like Independence Day, War or the Worlds, or Aliens. 
The Buzz Scale is out of 5 Stars....So, you'd give it 4.75 Stars?  I shall definitely see this movie.
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

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"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #159 on: January 17, 2010, 04:53:41 PM »
The Buzz Scale is out of 5 Stars....So, you'd give it 4.75 Stars?  I shall definitely see this movie.

Seriously? Really?

5th grade math can be a bitch...
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