Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports

Kaos' way behind movie reviews

GH2001

  • *
  • 23715
  • I'm a Miller guy. Always been. Since I was like, 8
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3320 on: June 19, 2023, 10:26:25 AM »
Finally caught Nefarious and The Boogeyman last week....

Nefarious - decent, nothing crazy. Sean Patrick Flannery does a good job playing the weird convict who claims he is possessed before he heads off to the electric chair. Slight little twist at the end. Nothing that hasn't been done before but decent enough.

The Boogeyman - this one is based off a Stephen King story - and as K and most know, that's an extremely hard thing to pull off in Screenplay. I never read this story by him so I don't know. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. Frankly, it was vanilla. I could have slept through it. Just blah. I expected better, and more.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
WDE

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3321 on: June 24, 2023, 11:03:34 AM »
Take Care of Maya

Documentary on how a family was falsely accused of child abuse by arrogant doctors and a court system that is fucked up beyond anything you could possibly imagine. 

I'm not a violent person normally, but if this had happened to me with my kids?  There would be dead judges, dead lawyers, and dead doctors littering the state of Florida.  It's horrifying how much control the state thinks it should have over your children. It's terrifying now to think how deep that descends into this "gender affirming" mutilation and madness as well (even though this documentary has nothing to do with that particular insanity). 

It's also pretty frightening to think of how close something this fucked up came to coming to fruition in my life.  When my oldest daughter was six, she was a Power Rangers fanatic.  She WAS the Pink Ranger in her mind. That meant that one day at school she leaped off the top of a swing set to tackle a "putty" and broke her elbow so badly she had to put pins in it. Two days at the hospital. A week later she climbed on top of my car with the plan of sliding down the windshield.  Caught her foot in the wipers, went face first into the concrete.  Back to the hospital.  About ten days after that, she want to a friend's house and flipped sideways off the trampoline.  Broke the other arm.  Back to the hospital. 

Not long after a "case worker" showed up at my house. Thankfully I knew the one line that should always be said in situations like that.  "Talk to my lawyer."   Refused to answer questions and asked them to leave.  Never heard from them again. 

That these idiots have the power to take your children away from you with little to no recourse is lunacy.  If I'm Maya's dad today?  People are in a world of hurt.  I'd have a backache from digging holes in the desert. It would be worth the prison sentence to exact revenge. 

This documentary distressed me.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3322 on: June 25, 2023, 10:30:35 AM »
Creed 3

End it.  End it now. 

Without Stallone? this film, this series has no heart.

Complete unintelligible TRASH. 

The guy playing Anderson is horrible.  I think he’s the same guy who played Kanga in Ant Man.  He must have pictures of studio execs blowing baby goats. 

I disliked almost everything about this movie.  From the recycled storylines that were done so much better before to the choppy editing that made portions of the film nonsensical to the absurdly amateurish boxing “style” of Kanga to the poorly choreographed fight scenes - of which there were too few.  This movie - without Stallone’s influence - basically ignored all the things that elevated his Rocky films.  Evidence? Creed’s badly edited training montage that ended with him standing above the Hollywood sign and roaring. Intended as a tip of the cap to Stallone’s “up the mountain Draaaaagooooo” scene from IV, I suppose, having “Hollywood” lit up below him just illustrated how far from the heart, grit, guts, and glory that are Rocky hallmarks this film strayed. 

Even the ring announcer was a piece of shit.  The whole thing was empty, hollow, drained of any and all emotional resonance.  It was just plain trash.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2023, 11:23:18 AM by Kaos »
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3323 on: June 25, 2023, 11:17:48 AM »
Creed 3

End it.  End it now. 

Without Stallone? this film, this series has no heart.

Complete unintelligible TRASH. 

The guy playing Anderson is horrible.  I think he’s the same guy who played Kanga in Ant Man.  He must have pictures of studio execs blowing baby goats.

He’s Mos Def without the excuse.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3324 on: July 02, 2023, 10:45:21 PM »
Flaming Hot

An exaggerated, entirely fabricated version of how Flaming Hot Cheetos, Fritos, etc. came into being and "saved" the Frito-Lay company. 

The lead actor is engaging, his wife is decent enough. The kids are cute.  It could have been a great story except for the fact that it dipped off into liberal/leftist fantasy. 

Fritos wasn't suffering because Ronald Reagan kept the brown man down.  Reagan's roaring economy wasn't the cause of the chip maker's woes, but they laid it all at his feet. 

I also didn't appreciate the fact that every single white person in the film was either an idiot or incompetent or a racist or a bully -- or in some cases all of these at once. 

Nothing about this movie was true. Not the parts about the lead character, not the parts about the economy or the struggles Frito-Lay faced and not the part about every single white person in the world being a dumbass. 

All of that renders the movie as worthless as cheeto dust. The orange kind.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3325 on: July 08, 2023, 12:56:45 PM »
Power Rangers - Once and Always

The original team is back - well, almost - in this cheese-laden, badly acted, poorly scripted reunion 30 years in the making. 

Billy - the Blue Ranger, Zack - the Black Ranger - and Trini - the Yellow Ranger - are still protecting the world, fighting putties, checking in with Zordon from their hometown of Angel Grove.  Trini is killed (the first Ranger on-screen death) by a robot version of Rita Repulsa, prompting Billy to
a) get the old crew (well. some of them) back to fight the revived nemesis
b) figure out how to explain to Trini's daughter that her mom was a Ranger and died in the line of duty. 

Missing from the crew were:
> Amy Jo Johnson, the still adorable original pink ranger, who declined and was replaced by the second Pink Ranger, Katherine, (Catherine Sutherland, looking all the worse for wear) who we learned married Tommy, the Green Ranger.
> Austin St. John, the original red ranger who is currently out on bond and prohibited from travel due to his part in a $3.5 million scheme to defraud the PPP program.  This movie dragged in the second red ranger, Steve Cardenas, now a kinda slobby, bloated blob.
> Jason David Frank, the original green/white ranger who also declined and then committed suicide before the movie was released.  He was not replaced.
> Thuy Trang, the original yellow ranger, who was killed in a car accident in 2001. Her suit was eventually inhabited by the girl who played her daughter in the film - Charlie Kersh - who's about 16 and in the story has been living with black ranger Zack since her ranger mom was killed. 

The film also tacked on some semi-silly interaction with the second black ranger Johnny Yong Bosch (also kinda bloated) and the second yellow ranger Karan Ashley.

There were some fun elements I guess. Learning Billy's last name is Cranston (a nod to Breaking Bad's Bryan who played Zordon in a reboot movie and also was the voice of villian Snizzard in the first season of the show) was kinda cool. A fleeting reference to comic relief foils Bulk and Skull was kinda cool as well. 

The movie hewed very closely to the tropes of the original.  The Rangers battle puttles, they fight Rita and her henchmen (sadly, not Goldar). When things seem lost, they team up in the battle zord and win the day.  Nothing new. But there's something vastly different in watching people in their teens/early 20s in action versus people in their late 50s, early 60s creak and groan through the same steps -- in Billy's case with the worst hair dye job in history. The dye was so bad I half expected it to leak down his face at any point.   

Other than a few brief moments of nostalgia, there's little reason to waste the 55 minutes this movie takes to unfold.

The final scene, lifted from the original power rangers series, was really all that needed to be shown. That brief scene with Kimberly playing guitar and featuring all the original cast was a sappy, sentimental dose of treacle and the best part of this well-intentioned film that just missed its mark. 
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3326 on: July 11, 2023, 12:02:31 AM »
Evil Dead Rises

What this movie did well: makeup, gore, blood, shock carnage.

What it did poorly: script and acting. 

It wasn’t bad. But the story was sketchy, it didn’t have enough depth to make you care about the characters. 

Oddly enough, the lead girl wasn’t hot until she was completely covered in blood.  Then she looked pretty good. 

The visual effects were good but beyond that I didn’t get much. 

Aged
One of the most piss poor attempts at horror in a long time. 

The lead girl is so bad she didn’t quit her regular job as a bartender at a hillbilly Texas mega bar. 

Everything in the movie was poorly done. It was clunkingly obvious.  All of it was terrible including the tub of blood that looked a lot like watered down red koolaid.  Weak. Garbage. 

So so bad.  Nothing at all to recommend. 
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

GH2001

  • *
  • 23715
  • I'm a Miller guy. Always been. Since I was like, 8
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3327 on: July 11, 2023, 02:52:26 PM »

Aged
One of the most piss poor attempts at horror in a long time. 

The lead girl is so bad she didn’t quit her regular job as a bartender at a hillbilly Texas mega bar. 

Everything in the movie was poorly done. It was clunkingly obvious.  All of it was terrible including the tub of blood that looked a lot like watered down red koolaid.  Weak. Garbage. 

So so bad.  Nothing at all to recommend.

Sounds like it ripped off Old from two years prior.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
WDE

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3328 on: July 11, 2023, 03:10:06 PM »
Sounds like it ripped off Old from two years prior.

Not that it’s worth the follow up but no.  Nothing like Old.

Desperate girl (aforementioned bartender who kept her day job) is convinced to take a position as a caretaker for an old woman who lives way out in the woods. 

Odd things begin happening. None of it matters or has any real cohesion. Just odd scraps and pieces of a story that are loosely tied together.  Narratives are opened and then abandoned. Massive holes in the story are never filled in.  Random occurrences that seem like they should be relevant are never explored and then see ignored. 

Stupidly predictable end. 

I’ve seen better acting from the pizza delivery boy in porn movies.  Every line is uttered with dead-eyed monotony like they are reading from cue cards just off screen.  There’s not a single authentic emotion conveyed. 

It’s just bad.  I only stuck around to see if the bartender was gonna flop a tit.  She did not.   
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3329 on: July 16, 2023, 02:35:14 PM »
Nefarious

First, this movie was not anything like what I expected.  I hadn't really watched the trailers and didn't know about the background or source material going in.  Agree and disagree with GH in that it is something we've seen before but at the same time, it isn't at all. 

Yes, we've seen possession movies and idea that evil survives the original host by finding new vessels.  As far back as The Exorcist we've seen that same theme. But we haven't seen it explained or displayed in the thoughtful, analytical way this movie expresses it. 

There were no scenes of the possessed writhing on a bed, spewing invectives in ancient tongues, or vomiting up wads of hair, blood, flies or bees. There was no demonic growling voice or rotting of the flesh of the possessed.  Any demonic transference that occurred happened without smoke, fire, eyes changing color, screaming or any of the tropes we've always associated with that event. All of it was carried out with a calm and rational, slowly simmering menace.

He'll never get the credit he deserves but Connor McManus from Boondock Saints (Sean Patrick Flanery) is extremely good in the role of the possibly possessed/certainly condemned man.  It could just be that his performance was so much better than the stilted stiffs around him, but he was superb. 

Why will he never get credit for it?  Because this film is at its core a rejection of the current world view. It's a condemnation of the slippery slope that has allowed humanity to grow more and more distant from God as we slowly accept and celebrate the mockery of our Creator. This is a film of the type Hollywood won't back, won't promote and won't acknowledge. Ridicule Christians? Sure. Mock Christianity as outdated and its adherents as rubes? Absolutely. Show Christians in the most unflattering light possible? Definitely.  Give any credence to Christian themes? No way. That's why no matter how good Flanery's performance is (and it's extremely good) he's more likely to find himself blackballed by the industry for taking part in a film like this than he is to be celebrated or honored for it. 

If you are a Christian; if you truly believe there is a war raging between the forces of Good and Evil (capital letters on purpose); if, in your heart, you know that the things we see, do, tolerate, accept, celebrate, and ignore are driven by the forces of chaos and destruction, then this film will resonate in ways you probably didn't anticipate. 

I am one of those. I believe in God and I believe in Christ. I am appalled at what I see in the world today. It sickens me. I believe that all it takes for evil to win is for good men to do nothing - and we have done nothing of late. The things I see emanating from our political system, from our media outlets, from entertainment disgust me. I do believe that a large segment of our political/media/corporate structure pursues an agenda that is driven by evil. Many of the "leaders" who have wormed their way into power (legitimately or not) may not sit around drinking the blood of sacrificed children, but they ARE in cohort and are certainly evil at heart, even as they pretend not to be.

This isn't a great film. The sets are sparse, there's no CGI, the acting is wooden at best (other than Flanery, who is outstanding), and the production is lacking.  There is, however, the core message that all of us need to hear and heed. 

Maybe demonic possession isn't actually a thing. Maybe it is. Using that as the basis, though, this film touches on the broader struggle of our own selfish, base desires, mankind's own need to elevate our thoughts and beliefs above those of our Creator, and the notion that we are losing the battle against the forces of evil when we are distracted by and focus on idiotic things like those the psychiatrist ticks off as symbols of man's "progress." 

I've really only been scared by three movies in my entire life.  The Omen, The Exorcist and now this. The terror invoked by both Omen and Exorcist was different than this.  Nefarious provided no jump scares, no shock/horror, no gore, no 'final girl', no brutality. Instead, it slowly unspooled a much deeper examination of where humanity currently resides in relation to God. That is frankly terrifying to consider. The film has, at least, given me pause and caused me to re-examine some of my own positions.

I already know there are some on this board who will pish-posh the entire film as demented, right-wing, psychobabble. I can hear Flanery's evil, knowing laugh even as you do.   
« Last Edit: August 04, 2023, 09:58:28 AM by Kaos »
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

GH2001

  • *
  • 23715
  • I'm a Miller guy. Always been. Since I was like, 8
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3330 on: July 16, 2023, 03:26:30 PM »
Nefarious

First, this movie was not anything like what I expected.  I hadn't really watched the trailers and didn't know about the background or source material going in.  Agree and disagree with GH in that it is something we've seen before but at the same time, it isn't at all. 

Yes, we've seen possession movies and idea that evil survives the original host by finding new vessels.  As far back as The Exorcist we've seen that same theme. But we haven't seen it explained or displayed in the thoughtful, analytical way this movie expresses it. 

There were no scenes of the possessed writing on a bed, spewing invectives in ancient tongues, or vomiting up wads of hair, blood, flies or bees. There was no demonic growling voice or rotting of the flesh of the possessed.  Any demonic transference that occurred happened without smoke, fire, eyes changing color, screaming or any of the tropes we've always associated with that event. All of it was carried out with a calm and rational, slowly simmering menace.

He'll never get the credit he deserves but Connor McManus from Boondock Saints (Sean Patrick Flanery) is extremely good in the role of the possibly possessed/certainly condemned man.  It could just be that his performance was so much better than the stilted stiffs around him, but he was superb. 
Why will he never get credit for it?  Because this film is at its core a rejection of the current world view. It's a condemnation of the slippery slope that has allowed humanity to grow more and more distant from God as we slowly accept and celebrate the mockery of our Creator. This is a film of the type Hollywood won't back, won't promote and won't acknowledge. Ridicule Christians? Sure. Mock Christianity as outdated and its adherents as rubes? Absolutely. Show Christians in the most unflattering light possible? Definitely.  That's why no matter how good Flanery's performance is (and it's extremely good) he's more likely to find himself blackballed by the industry for taking part in a film like this than he is to be celebrated or honored for it. 

If you are a Christian; if you truly believe there is a war raging between the forces of Good and Evil (capital letters on purpose); if, in your heart, you know that the things we see, do, tolerate, accept, celebrate, and ignore are driven by the forces of chaos and destruction, then this film will resonate in ways you probably didn't anticipate. 

I am one of those. I believe in God and I believe in Christ. I am appalled at what I see in the world today. It sickens me. I believe that all it takes for evil to win is for good men to do nothing - and we have done nothing of late. The things I see emanating from our political system, from our media outlets, from entertainment disgust me. I do believe that a large segment of our political/media/corporate structure pursues an agenda that is driven by evil. Many of the "leaders" who have wormed their way into power (legitimately or not) may not sit around drinking the blood of sacrificed children, but they ARE in cohort and are certainly evil at heart, even as they pretend not to be.

This isn't a great film. The sets are sparse, there's no CGI, the acting is wooden at best (other than Flanery, who is outstanding), and the production is lacking.  There is, however, the core message that all of us need to hear and heed. 

Maybe demonic possession isn't actually a thing. Maybe it is. Using that as the basis, though, this film touches on the broader struggle of our own selfish, base desires, mankind's own need to elevate our thoughts and beliefs above those of our Creator, and the notion that we are losing the battle against the forces of evil when we are distracted by and focus on idiotic things like those the psychiatrist ticks off as symbols of man's "progress." 

I've really only been scared by three movies in my entire life.  The Omen, The Exorcist and now this. The terror invoked by both Omen and Exorcist was different than this.  Nefarious provided no jump scares, no shock/horror, no gore, no 'final girl', no brutality. Instead, it slowly unspooled a much deeper examination of where humanity currently resides in relation to God. That is frankly terrifying to consider. The film has, at least, given me pause and caused me to re-examine some of my own positions.

I already know there are some on this board who will pish-posh the entire film as demented, right-wing, psychobabble. I can hear Flanery's demented, knowing laugh even as you do.

Pretty spot on actually. I got the deeper meaning out of it the second go round. And yes even more than the 1st time, reflecting back Sean Patrick’s performance was stellar.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
WDE

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3331 on: July 17, 2023, 07:25:56 AM »
Excellent review, K.

I spoke to my priest about it, and he highly recommended it, but said his biggest issue with it is that the devil wouldn't be so upfront with his plans, but that he understood why they presented it as such in the movie.

One of the priests who was consulted for this movie is a Father Carlos Martins, an exorcist for the Archdiocese of Detroit.  He has a podcast, The Exorcist Files, that is worth a listen if you're on a long road trip.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3332 on: July 17, 2023, 09:16:36 AM »
Excellent review, K.

I spoke to my priest about it, and he highly recommended it, but said his biggest issue with it is that the devil wouldn't be so upfront with his plans, but that he understood why they presented it as such in the movie.

One of the priests who was consulted for this movie is a Father Carlos Martins, an exorcist for the Archdiocese of Detroit.  He has a podcast, The Exorcist Files, that is worth a listen if you're on a long road trip.

I’m a Methodist.  When I went to talk to my preacher about it they was busy at Sephora getting some new lipstick to match their dress. They had to officiate a marriage between a man who used to be a woman and a woman who used to be a man.  He, I mean they, wanted to make sure the lipstick hue highlighted the purple in the dress. 

So we never got around to it. 
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

GH2001

  • *
  • 23715
  • I'm a Miller guy. Always been. Since I was like, 8
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3333 on: July 17, 2023, 01:59:45 PM »
I’m a Methodist.  When I went to talk to my preacher about it they was busy at Sephora getting some new lipstick to match their dress. They had to officiate a marriage between a man who used to be a woman and a woman who used to be a man.  He, I mean they, wanted to make sure the lipstick hue highlighted the purple in the dress. 

So we never got around to it.

I am as well.....I'm 4th generation and may not be much longer.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
1
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
Members reacted like:
Snakebite,
No reactions
WDE

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3334 on: July 17, 2023, 02:02:28 PM »
I’m a Methodist.  When I went to talk to my preacher about it they was busy at Sephora getting some new lipstick to match their dress. They had to officiate a marriage between a man who used to be a woman and a woman who used to be a man.  He, I mean they, wanted to make sure the lipstick hue highlighted the purple in the dress. 

So we never got around to it.

This got me thinking of a stuttering Pentecostal pastor I once met.  Hilarious.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

GH2001

  • *
  • 23715
  • I'm a Miller guy. Always been. Since I was like, 8
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3335 on: July 17, 2023, 02:06:04 PM »
This got me thinking of a stuttering Pentecostal pastor I once met.  Hilarious.

Praise the Lord and pass me a copperhead....

friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
WDE

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3336 on: July 17, 2023, 03:30:25 PM »
Been a Methodist all of my adult life. I’m not any longer.  I can’t support it.  It was a painful decision.   
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3337 on: August 03, 2023, 11:14:33 PM »
Two for the scrapheap

Lyla
Take one of the ugliest, stick figure, un-fuckable women on the planet, make her central to the tired ass story of a family moving to a remote cottage so daddy can write a book - except he can't write (haven't we seen that in several other films?) add in the improbable and implausible storyline that every male within 100 miles of this female is horndogging for her, scramble in repetitive time-jumping so jarring that you typically have no idea where you are at all and you've got this rotting pile of caribou feces. 

Terrible movie.  Slow, stupid, and boring. 

Crucifixion

I hate fake accents.  Here it's a British girl - the plain one from Kingsman - doing her best American accent and failing spectacularly.  She slips in and out of the Brit regularly. 

Story... she's a hotshot American journalist (not remotely believable) who begs her uncle/editor who's supposed to be the editor of some New York newspaper (his come-and-go British accent is as bad as hers) to run off to Cruxton Yugoslavia or some such to investigate an exorcism gone wrong. 

She's a despicable twat. Her purpose is to prove that her dead mother didn't go to heaven because she herself is an atheist. So the movie plods along and of course there's some demon stuff. 

What knocked me completely out of the film was that she goes to this village stuck in the 1500s thousands of miles away from "home" and after tromping around all day she goes to the motel and asks "do you have any rooms?"  STUPID.  That would have been arranged well in advance.  And FWIW?  No newspaper is going to foot the bill for some twatwaffle to go halfway around the world for something like this. 

Movie ends stupidly.  This girl's acting career should end with it. She was terrible. 

This film is based on a true story. There was an exorcism in some small town stuck in medieval times. The priest who performed it and several of the nuns who assisted were sent to prison for their part in it.  Family of the girl who died remain convinced there was a possession. De-frocked priest is back doing exorcisms on the side after he got out of prison. i might actually want to watch a documentary or a movie about that.  Just one without the twiddle snatch fake reporter. 

Shitcan both of these films. 
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3338 on: August 06, 2023, 08:51:20 AM »
Twilight

No! Not that one.  No Twinkly vampires. Just an old school potboiler from another era.

Had insomnia and ran across this film.

My first question is how do you take a movie with Paul Newman, Susan Sarandon, Gene Hackman, Liev Schreiber, Margo Martindale, Giancarlo Esposito, Reese Witherspoon, Stockard Channing, and James Garner and not even have it be accidentally entertaining?

Somehow they did. 

Newman mopes sadly along. Sarandon overacts.  Esposito channels the limo driver from Die Hard. 

It’s just bad.  Add a relatively incomprehensible storyline about missing people, money, accidental and intentional shootings to a morass of jumbled moviations and you drag this slow-moving piece to a near standstill.

I only kept watching because every few minutes I’d go “holy shit is that (insert actor’s name here)?  I think I saw a few others - including Ron Howard’s ugly brother - in this as well.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

  • *
  • 29226
  • Jeez
    • No, YOU Move!
Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3339 on: August 13, 2023, 08:44:15 PM »
Three movies while I'm escaping global warming, holding in farts so the oceans stop boiling, eating a bag of bugs to save the environment, being grateful for all those Africans toiling in lithium pits 24/7 so I can spend $60,000 on a glorified golf cart, and wondering why - if the oceans truly are rising - John Fraud-ass Kerry allowed his BFF Odumba to spend $12 million on a mansion mere feet from the beach. 

The Outlaws
I've seen this film made WAY better when it was called The In-Laws and starred Peter Falk and Alan Arkin.

When I saw the Happy Madison logo, I should have immediately expected shit laced with turd peanuts. Sandler is worthless. I don't know how much input he had in this, but it was pretty awful.

Basic storyline... nerd doofus schlub is getting married to somebody out of his league and with whom he has zero chemistry. To be honest, the schlub - played by Adam Devine who -  is pretty shitty in nearly everything he's in and plays the exact same babbling fool in each role he takes and has never had chemistry with any co-star - is only doing the one trick his pony knows. It's annoying and grating. Skin-crawlingly bad. 

So the doofus meets his bride's family for the first time and they're possibly master criminals involved in some feud with a female gangster. 

Whoever directed this thinks he's way more clever than he is.  It's sad to see Pierce Brosnan degrade himself by appearing in this half-baked gooey pile of mess.  Every gag misfires. Every setup flops. There are a few mildly funny moments, but this movie is nothing but one cringe after another. 

Devil Conspiracy
Heavy handed interpretation of Biblical end times. 

St. Michael has to return to the earth to prevent Satan from resurrecting Jesus as the dark-side Christ , and bringing all the dark angels up from Hell through a hole in the ground managed by a lumbering, poorly rendered beast. 

So much mumbo jumbo. Film takes itself seriously. You should not.  It isn't horror. 

It's kind of like the director ate The Omen, Rosemary's Baby and Terminator 2 and then threw up the digested contents into a cracked wooden bowl. 

Horrible acting. Laughable CGI. Ridiculous story.

The only thing the film has going for it at all is the over-the-top evil Cruella DeVille ooze of Eveline Hall. Oh, she's awful, but at least she looks like she knows she's overacting and hamming it up. 

Heart of Stone
There's a lot going on here. 

So there's actually a shadow organization running global ops outside government control, but trust us, it's a GOOD thing. They only do GOOD things! They have a giant self-aware computer that (hahaha!) resides in the clouds, literally. This computer "The Heart" can hack into and see anything. Your Alexa, your phone, every camera, every computer and instantly analyze what it "sees" and calculate options.

Gal Gadot is one of their agents. Like Wonder Woman without the bracelets. She flies! She fights! She's an expert driver! A master of languages! She can kick all kinds of ass.

Some counter-agent, for a supremely flimsy reason and against all possible realistic odds, decides to hack into and take over/take down The Heart. It's Gal's job (as Rachel) to stop him. 

This is a more than anything, a Gal Gadot vehicle. That's about it.  She's hot and can kick your ass in the blink of an eye.  She's hot. And she's hot. Then again, she's hot.

But even her hotness can't overcome some of this film's flaws.  Nomad for one. Who the fuck is going to put their trust and lives in the hands of a screeching, inept black woman with shitty teeth and a bad accent.

The storyline gets a little/lot muddled as the film bounces from one chase/action scene to the next.
There's a flight scene with squirrel suits
There are TWO parachute scenes
There is a motorcycle chase and a snowcycle chase
There's an exploding zeppelin
There's a lengthy car chase/shootout
There are multiple fist-fights and gun battles
There are foot chases and cliff dives
There are explosions

So much action.

Gal Gadot is ridiculously hot, but to be completely honest, her almost sleepy, bemused, banal acting style, her tone-mangled english and her slow, lanky, liquid hotness really don't work well for her in a role of this intensity. 

She's stupid hot, but believe it or not, the spunky little opposition played by Indian newcomer Alia Bhatt pulled some of the attention away from her hotness. The thick little 30-year old had a heat factor of her own that held up well against Gadot's all-time epic smoke.

Is it a good movie? Not so much. It's more like one somewhat interconnected action vignette tacked on to another.
friendly
0
funny
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.