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Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

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Kaos

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #160 on: April 21, 2024, 11:42:05 AM »
In honor of 420 I rolled a joint yesterday. 

Unfortunately it was my ankle.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Kaos

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #161 on: April 21, 2024, 06:00:22 PM »
My girlfriend asked if I would put ketchup on the grocery list. 

Now she says she can’t read anything. 
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #162 on: April 22, 2024, 10:16:02 AM »
Holy shit, all that for a punch line like that?





I love it.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Snakebite

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #163 on: April 26, 2024, 12:27:23 PM »
Justice is a dish best served cold. If served warm it would be justwater.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #164 on: April 26, 2024, 02:30:38 PM »
Nobody wants to listen to Whitesnake with me.

Well, here I go again on my own.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Kaos

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #165 on: April 26, 2024, 04:26:26 PM »
Survived a fall off a 16-foot ladder earlier this week. 

Was only from the first rung, but still. 
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #166 on: May 01, 2024, 10:08:41 AM »
Do short people start their stories with, "When I was little", or, "As I am today."?
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #167 on: May 01, 2024, 04:07:33 PM »
How did the butcher introduce his wife?

He said, Meet Patty!
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

CCTAU

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Re: Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s
« Reply #168 on: May 01, 2024, 08:47:00 PM »
NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.

They're calling it the Apollo G.
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.
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  1. Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
  2. The Library
  3. Haley Center Basement
  4. Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s