have all of my teeth pulled and grow a beard.
Back in law school everyone was rolling back into bham after the fall semester break. One of our housemates walks in with the bushiest, fullest mustache/goatee combo. He's Italian, so this is some lustrous facial hair.
Another one of our roommates looks up from his book on the couch, doesn't miss a beat and says, "Hey, Paul, nice prison pussy."
Fifteen minutes later, Paul comes back out to the living room, clean shaven.