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Disney Films on Tap

Kaos

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Disney Films on Tap
« on: March 15, 2023, 12:42:20 PM »
Given that Disney is re-imagining Peter Pan and casting a British Muslim as Pan and a black Tinkerbell, it's time to take a look at some of the other classics the organization has on tap. 



1. Snow White and the Seven Trans:  Current favorite to land the title role is Gabourey Sidibe.  Using dwarves is considered offensive, so the live action film will replace them with seven men masquerading as women. They won't work in a diamond mine, but will mine digital diamonds as online influencers.  Hillary Clinton was allegedly considered for the role of the evil witch, but Sarah Palin seems to have the inside track. "I mean, she's a republican," director Shonda Rimes said.  "People already believe she's evil, so it ain't no stretch."

2. Gus:  Alexandria Occasionally Cortez is certain to take the role of the titular football-kicking mule.  Chris Tucker and Keenan Thompson will star as the mule's handlers in this Wayan Brothers comedy. 

3. The Love Bug - Lovable Herbie is back, re-imagined as a black Subaru.  Snoop Dogg has been tapped for the role once held by Dean Jones.  Paris Hilton will play his love interest. Cheech and Chong are in talks for the role of the goofy mechanics who tag along for the ride.

4. The George Wallace Story - While not an original Disney property, the studio brings to life the history of Alabama Governor George C. Wallace. In this re-imagining, Wallace is a black crusader for reparations who is elected president in 1972, changing the face of the USA forever. After a long search, Samuel L. Jackson accepted the role of the firebrand governor. 

5. Hercules:  Dwayne Johnson will star as the Greek god with Angela Bassett, Forrest Whitaker, Jr., Viola Davis, Common, Cuba Gooding, and Mr. T slated to appear as other denizens of Mount Olympus. 

6. 101 Dalmatians:  In this clever, loving twist on the timeless Disney classic, the pups will be replaced by children.  Roger and Anita Dalmatian are portrayed as evil culture-snatching white MAGA radicals who have adopted a hundred black children and are keeping them, not only from their heritage, but from the ability to make decisions about their own sexuality!  Enter the brilliant and progressive Gentella, a sagacious rising political star who crafts a plan to rescue the children and let them make their own gender decisions as early as age 2!  Roger and Anita will be played by any old white people who happen to be around, as a disney spokesperson says "they're interchangeable, they all look alike."  The coveted role of Gentella was attached to Nancy Pelosi (too white), before finally falling to Whoopi Goldberg. 
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GH2001

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2023, 03:04:27 PM »
won't lie....numero 4 would be some high quality entertainment.
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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2023, 03:35:14 PM »
Given that Disney is re-imagining Peter Pan and casting a British Muslim as Pan and a black Tinkerbell, it's time to take a look at some of the other classics the organization has on tap. 



1. Snow White and the Seven Trans:  Current favorite to land the title role is Gabourey Sidibe.  Using dwarves is considered offensive, so the live action film will replace them with seven men masquerading as women. They won't work in a diamond mine, but will mine digital diamonds as online influencers.  Hillary Clinton was allegedly considered for the role of the evil witch, but Sarah Palin seems to have the inside track. "I mean, she's a republican," director Shonda Rimes said.  "People already believe she's evil, so it ain't no stretch."

2. Gus:  Alexandria Occasionally Cortez is certain to take the role of the titular football-kicking mule.  Chris Tucker and Keenan Thompson will star as the mule's handlers in this Wayan Brothers comedy. 

3. The Love Bug - Lovable Herbie is back, re-imagined as a black Subaru.  Snoop Dogg has been tapped for the role once held by Dean Jones.  Paris Hilton will play his love interest. Cheech and Chong are in talks for the role of the goofy mechanics who tag along for the ride.

4. The George Wallace Story - While not an original Disney property, the studio brings to life the history of Alabama Governor George C. Wallace. In this re-imagining, Wallace is a black crusader for reparations who is elected president in 1972, changing the face of the USA forever. After a long search, Samuel L. Jackson accepted the role of the firebrand governor. 

5. Hercules:  Dwayne Johnson will star as the Greek god with Angela Bassett, Forrest Whitaker, Jr., Viola Davis, Common, Cuba Gooding, and Mr. T slated to appear as other denizens of Mount Olympus. 

6. 101 Dalmatians:  In this clever, loving twist on the timeless Disney classic, the pups will be replaced by children.  Roger and Anita Dalmatian are portrayed as evil culture-snatching white MAGA radicals who have adopted a hundred black children and are keeping them, not only from their heritage, but from the ability to make decisions about their own sexuality!  Enter the brilliant and progressive Gentella, a sagacious rising political star who crafts a plan to rescue the children and let them make their own gender decisions as early as age 2!  Roger and Anita will be played by any old white people who happen to be around, as a disney spokesperson says "they're interchangeable, they all look alike."  The coveted role of Gentella was attached to Nancy Pelosi (too white), before finally falling to Whoopi Goldberg.

I'd watch the Snoop Dogg "Herbie" film, fo shizzle. The rest sound like loose butt hole, which I'd bet the farm was your intent.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2023, 03:50:50 PM »
I'd watch the Snoop Dogg "Herbie" film, fo shizzle. The rest sound like loose butt hole, which I'd bet the farm was your intent.

Snoop Dogg always carries an umbrella fo drizzle.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

chinook

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2023, 07:37:14 PM »
Wasn’t Peter Pan already gay?
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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2023, 07:50:24 PM »
Wasn’t Peter Pan already gay?

Pretty sure he was. Wore tights and had a closely held relationship with Michael Jackson. Plus, the pointy ears…. Dead giveaway
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Kaos

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2023, 10:08:18 PM »
Pretty sure he was. Wore tights and had a closely held relationship with Michael Jackson. Plus, the pointy ears…. Dead giveaway

Spock was gay?
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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2023, 04:04:49 AM »
Spock was gay?

Out of this world gay.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2023, 09:25:55 AM »
Spock would boldly go where no man has ever gone before.
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CCTAU

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2023, 05:53:01 PM »
Spock was gay?
Old Spock was a freak.
New Spock, a rider of the hershey highway....
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Kaos

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2023, 11:06:59 AM »
Kaos predicts the future. Sorta.

I'm getting to be kinda like The Simpsons, The Bee and South Park. Shit I make up in satire ends up coming true.

DisLGBR549QST+ney announced a new live action Snow White. 

Snow is, of course, of latin heritage. 

I have a ton of shitty jokes I could make at this point.  I will refrain. The jokes just write themselves. 
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CCTAU

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2023, 01:26:06 PM »
Kaos predicts the future. Sorta.

I'm getting to be kinda like The Simpsons, The Bee and South Park. Shit I make up in satire ends up coming true.

DisLGBR549QST+ney announced a new live action Snow White. 

Snow is, of course, of latin heritage. 

I have a ton of shitty jokes I could make at this point.  I will refrain. The jokes just write themselves.

Nieve Blanco?
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Kaos

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #12 on: March 27, 2023, 11:23:17 PM »
Nieve Blanco?

Don’t eat the yellow snow.
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Kaos

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2023, 10:35:22 PM »
Having now seen a still from the film, kaos was too close for comfort on Sno Brown. 
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GH2001

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #14 on: July 18, 2023, 10:46:47 PM »
Having now seen a still from the film, kaos was too close for comfort on Sno Brown.

But where dem dwarves be?
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WDE

wesfau2

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #15 on: July 19, 2023, 08:55:17 AM »
This will never not be funny.

Fuckin' disney movies...
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #16 on: July 19, 2023, 08:58:57 AM »
Having now seen a still from the film, kaos was too close for comfort on Sno Brown.

How much money will Disney lose this year and next on movies?  Snow White and the United Colors of Benetton looks unwatchable.
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Kaos

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #17 on: July 19, 2023, 09:19:58 AM »
This will never not be funny.

Fuckin' disney movies...

Those who've never had kids will never understand. 
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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2023, 03:11:16 PM »
And Gal Gadot playing the evil step mother.

That mirror is lying if Gal Gadot asks it who's the fairest, and it answers Rachel Zegler.
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wesfau2

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Re: Disney Films on Tap
« Reply #19 on: July 24, 2023, 03:20:26 PM »
And Gal Gadot playing the evil step mother.

That mirror is lying if Gal Gadot asks it who's the fairest, and it answers Rachel Zegler.

She is arrestingly hot.  Distractingly hot.  Fuck, she's hot.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.