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KISS: Monster CD Review

Kaos

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KISS: Monster CD Review
« on: October 10, 2012, 12:12:47 AM »
I had moderately high hopes for this CD.  The promotion was so much better than it was for the most recent CD of "new" material (Sonic Boom in 2009).  The album cover was better, the concert promotion was better, the decision NOT to be a Wal Mart exclusive was better, the buzz was fairly positive. 

It's sort of funny. We're really in the exact same position we were when Sonic Boom came out three years ago.  KISS wanted a number one CD.  Released in October (October 6, actually).  Biggest competition was expected to be from Paramore or Barbara Streisand.  But Michael Fucking Bubble released his CD a week early and he knocked KISS from the number one spot by a few hundred albums sold. 

So here we are again in October. KISS and Streisand released a new CD in the same week. No word if Bubble plans to deliver another steaming pile of shit, but KISS still has a shot at its first number one. 

Sad fact is that this CD just doesn't deserve it.  Others have.  Destroyer should have been a #1.  Love Gun should have been a #1.  Revenge maybe. Carnival of Souls maybe.  Crazy Nights or Asylum maybe.  But not this one.  And yet it may. 

Kind of funny, I read my review of Sonic Boom from three years ago and most of what I said then could be recycled now in regard to this album. Worse, I think Sonic Boom was probably a little better.  Even worse than that, I'm not even really sure where my Sonic Boom CD is or what songs were actually on it. 

Back to Monster. 

It's supposed to be classic KISS.  It tries. It just isn't.  It's sort of like an imitation of an imitation of something that used to be. 

Remember that I love these guys.

Track by track:

Hell or Hallelujah Released as the first "single" it only had a moderate hook and didn't really resonate.  It's probably the best track on the CD.

Wall of Sound Sort of forgettable.  Just listened to it.  Can't remember what it sounded like or any of the lyrics.  It didn't move me.

Freak Pretty decent track for this CD.  Paul singing about how he's different.  But then Gene clearly contributes lyrics.  "Dancing in the sheets" which is completely out of touch with the tone.  He also adds a creepy acapella part about pledging allegiance to the state of independence" that completely derails the track.

Back to the Stone Age  The guitar track is fairly decent, but then Gene ham fists some of his traditionally shitty lyrics into the song.  This would really fit on his solo CD "Asshole" more than it does here.  Awful lyrics.  Shit about kissing stones and thrones and in the beginning. 

Shout Mercy One of several songs on the CD that starts out and you think you've heard it before but can't place what song they're riffing from.  Another fucking song from a band that's trademarked fucking songs.

Long Way Down Another song you think you've heard before as something else.  Just sort of okay.  Paul sings.  Tommy pretends to be Ace.  Eric pretends to be the other Eric.  As a drummer, he's probably better than Peter.  You can tell that on this song but that's really all it offers.

Eat Your Heart Out The guitars and drums are okay.  But oh dear god, the vocals.  Gene simply cannot write lyrics.  He reuses some line he's done several times before about "letting your backbone slip" which i don't like.  He also references a "hot mess."  And I don't think he knows what that means.  One of my least favorite KISS songs ever. 

The Devil is Me  It's just not hard enough.  Doesn't have the menace of God of Thunder or Unholy.  I really regret that KISS didn't continue down the path that started with Revenge and carried over to the completely new sound of Carnival of Souls.  The banality of this song compared to the raw snarl of Unholy renders this impotent.

Outta This World Tommy is a "Space Ace".  Get it?  He was born to the human race, wasting his time looking to find his kind.   Ugh. 

All for the Love of Rock and Roll Eric gets his chance to sing.  One song just like Sonic Boom.  Here he's "All for the Love of Rock and Roll."  On Sonic Boom he was "All for the Glory."  The track on Sonic Boom was infinitely better.

Take Me Down Below  The driving guitar open and pounding drums give you hope that this is the song that's going to pull this CD out of the malaise.  And then Gene Starts "singing."  More shitty, shitty, shitty lyrics.  "I see you standing there across the room, glass of wine and sweet perfume..." He then talks about his submarine and letting her touch his thighs.  Bleh.  Later, Paul waxes unpoetically about fucking a stranger in an elevator.  it's beyond cliche and it doesn't even sound like they really mean it any more.  Dislike this track, too.

Last Chance Again the opening guitar and drum beat offer some potential.  The lyrics are less shitty than some of the other songs.  This one is tolerable.  Not great. Nothing that will stand the test of time.  But tolerable. 

Right Here Right Now Very odd rhythmically.  Tommy seems to play the same lick on just about every song on this CD, making some songs virtually indistinguishable from others.  Not a terrible song, but like everything else on this CD it's just not going to persist. 


And that's it.  There's nothing else.  Same formula as Sonic Boom but not quite as strong. 

About the time Revenge and Carnival came out KISS had the chance to turn the corner musically.  they turned toward the money and renewed fame of the Reunion Tour.  Eric and Bruce Kulick -- both quality musicians -- were booted and Gene and Paul reunited with Ace and Peter to relive the past.  That was okay.  We all wanted it. 

But that left the momentum of Revenge and Carnival behind. It wrecked the potential the band had to rise above fucking, sucking, pandering lyrics and cycling the same basic riff over and over.    This CD certainly doesn't revive that previous momentum.  It just tries to perpetuate the same bland formula of Sonic Boom.

It's the same thing they've done before, but not done quite as well.  It made me wonder.   If they don't have anything else to say, what's the point of talking (or singing)? 

I guess my hopes are too high.  I'm was hoping that somewhere in those four guys and these last two CDs there was at least one great song left.   Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice and it's just a shame. 

I love KISS.  Will always love KISS.  This CD isn't a part of that.  It's sort of like Godfather III or Christmas Vacation 2. 

I'll buy the CD, hope they finally have a number one and go back to listening to Alive I, II, III and IV.  And Carnival.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 12:20:35 AM by Kaos »
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2012, 03:04:12 PM »
There was a Christmas Vacation 2?
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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him: "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

Kaos

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Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2012, 12:07:46 PM »
Chart update.

Monster sold somewhere around 60,000 first week copies.

Placed third on Billboard Top 200 charts behind Samford and Sons (which I've never heard of) but listened to a clip of.  Rather have my ears doused in lighter fluid and set on fire than listen to that horseshitty hoe down garbagey fucking namby pamby non descript hippiefied load of dung.  Sounded like Dave Matthews' afterbirth.  God that was terrible.  They are a fucking abomination and make me sad for the world.

Second place was Harsefinkle or some rap shit I've never heard of either. 

KISS just can't get the timing right.  Sonic Boom sold about 120,000 copies in 2009 through Wal Mart.  If Monster had sold 120 it would have dominated the charts and knocked the hippy dippy fucks into seclusion. 

Just means there will be another KISS CD coming in 2014.  Probably with the new Gene and the new Paul. 
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wesfau2

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Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2012, 12:12:21 PM »

KISS just can't get the timing right.

Timing has nothing to do with it.  KISS is simply irrelevant in the marketplace.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Snaggletiger

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Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2012, 12:17:45 PM »
uh oh, trouble
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Saniflush

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Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2012, 01:22:16 PM »
FOOD FIGHT ( with tomatoes)
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Kaos

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Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2012, 01:29:28 PM »
Timing has nothing to do with it.  KISS is simply irrelevant in the marketplace.

Apparently your reading comprehension is lacking today. 

Had 2009's Sonic Boom come out against this week's competition, it would have dominated.  Thus timing.  Timing for Boom against a geriatric-themed Michael Bubble Christmas CD that came out that week kept it from #1 by a few. 

Difference between sales for KISS and Kersnickle (or whoever the rap dude was) was small. 

Thus timing.

As for relevance, the tour results for KISS speak for themselves.   
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GH2001

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Re: KISS: Monster CD Review
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2012, 02:23:45 PM »
Timing has nothing to do with it.  KISS is simply irrelevant in the marketplace.

What this guy said  :rofl:
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WDE