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Your moments part II

JR4AU

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #20 on: December 12, 2011, 02:52:29 PM »
Quick Shirley story...that was awkward for one student.  She had a first semester guy from here in Dothan, stand to brief a case.  Asked him what the facts were.  The guy starts stammering, saying some shit about a fire truck.  Then he says, "I'm sorry.  I'm really nervous".  She just nods and says "Well you're studying to be a lawyer.  You'll just have to get over it."  He continues trying to form a coherent sentence and eventually says, "I'd like to sit down".  Shirley goes into one of her lectures to the class about coming in prepared and all that shit.

Very next class, she walks in and starts to talk.  The guy stands up and walks down to her desk.  They talk for about 30 seconds.  He goes back to his desk, grabs his shit and walked out.  As far as we know, never set foot in the school again.

Shirley actually scared me enough to prepare for her class.  If I wasn't, I skipped it. 

We had a couple that came in all full of themselves, only to drop out 1st semester. 

I had a fucking asshole in my class. Always trying to be the class leader, setting up study groups, and passing out sign up sheets for briefing cases.  Treated law school like a competition, and like he was in charge.  I never would sign up like he thought I should.  I put this fuck wad in his place twice. 

First one was in Eidsmoe's Con Law class.  Everybody had signed up the week before to brief cases except me and maybe a couple of other's like me just there to get the degree and have a shot at the bar.  So, one day, a guy finishes briefing a case and Eidsmoe says "OoooKay, next case is..."  (you gotta know how Eidsmoe talks)  Douchenozzle cuts him off and says to him "Mister JR never briefs any cases, and I think he'd like to take one".   I'm sitting there with my feet up in the next chair beside me, book closed, no notebook, just listening.  Haven't read shit...because we're on 4th amendment, and I'm a cop at the time.  I knew the cases.  Douchnozzle doesn't make this connection in his attempt to embarrass me.  Eidsmoe says "OooooKay, Mr. JR, please tell us about Terry vs Ohio."   I look at douchenozzle and say "Officer McFadden is a plain clothes officer on foot patrol..."  Every cop knows Terry.   Douchenozzle is red faced, and pissed. 

Sometime later, 3rd year, I'm sitting in the top row in Borg's UCC class.  Borg is going on with the fucking UCC shit.  I'm reading the paper...the comics...talking to my buddy.  We're having a good time.  Borg isn't bothered, he's lecturing on.  Suddenly when I laugh a little loud, douchnozzle, 2 rows down, turns around and loudly says "Take it outside if you can't be quiet, some of us are hear to learn!"  I immediately respond, and loud enough for all to hear, "Fuuuuuuuuck YOU!"  Borg pauses, douchnozzle turns to look at Borg as if he wants something done, (this was an awkward moment for me, because I'd not intended to say it as loud as I did, and thought I might have a problem)  Borg covers his mouth to hide his snicker, and launches right back in to his lecture as if nothing happened.  I went back to reading my paper.  I see Borg every summer at the DA's conference.  He's one of the few yankees I've ever liked. 

Douchnozzle later got an Asst. DA gig down near Montgomery, and got fired for chasing down some kid in his neighborhood, for his car stereo being too loud.  When the kid smartassed him, he slapped him. 

He was in my courtroom lately, and didn't even acknowledge my existence.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 03:18:53 PM by JR4AU »
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Saniflush

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #21 on: December 12, 2011, 03:00:52 PM »
You shoulda held him in contempts.  That would have been gooder.
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Snaggletiger

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2011, 03:10:44 PM »
We had a very similar douchecanoe that I started with.  Knew EVERYTHING and made sure you knew he knew.  Eidsmoe was lecturing one time and this dude pipes in about what the Supreme Court really meant by this particular decision.  Goes off on a 5 minute diatribe...Eidsmoe walking around, pausing thoughtfully at times (Weird dude) and when the guy finishes his rant, all full of himself and how he's impressed everyone in the room....Eidsmoe looks at him and goes..."No"...and continues lecturing as if the guy never said a word.  The place fell out.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Vandy Vol

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2011, 03:13:02 PM »
Thanks, now I'm gonna have VV tracking me.

You appear to have a fancy for beards.  I have a fancy for giving beard-burn to men's taints.  It's a match made in gay heaven.
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin

djsimp

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2011, 03:42:37 PM »
You appear to have a fancy for beards.  I have a fancy for giving beard-burn to men's taints.  It's a match made in gay heaven.

I'm too expensive for you.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #25 on: December 20, 2011, 12:32:14 PM »
Bump on the moment.  I had a slight "moment" last night.  Was in Dick's looking for some running shoes.  (I love Dick's)  Bent down to get a shoe off the bottom display shelf on the wall. When I did, I bumped my dome on the corner of one of the display racks.  Slight bump, no big woop, whatevah.  I ask the guy for an 11 1/2.  He fetches my hoof covers and hands them to me, looking at me like a I'm a zombie.  I'm thinking, dude, you okay?

Go over and sit down, put on the shoes and walk around a bit, sit back down. Look over and now 2 of the employees are looking at me with this blank expression.  I feel something on my cheek and reach up to smear a handful of blood.  This tiny little hole in my fivehead is pouring blood down my face.

I'm sure the Dick's guy was thinking I was in fact some kind of retarded ass zombie.  Argkk...can AH haff an eleffin an AH haff ACKKK...in dish shoe?
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Vandy Vol

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #26 on: December 20, 2011, 12:36:30 PM »
Bump on the moment.  I had a slight "moment" last night.  Was in Dick's looking for some running shoes.  (I love Dick's)  Bent down to get a shoe off the bottom display shelf on the wall. When I did, I bumped my dome on the corner of one of the display racks.  Slight bump, no big woop, whatevah.  I ask the guy for an 11 1/2.  He fetches my hoof covers and hands them to me, looking at me like a I'm a zombie.  I'm thinking, dude, you okay?

Go over and sit down, put on the shoes and walk around a bit, sit back down. Look over and now 2 of the employees are looking at me with this blank expression.  I feel something on my cheek and reach up to smear a handful of blood.  This tiny little hole in my fivehead is pouring blood down my face.

I'm sure the Dick's guy was thinking I was in fact some kind of retarded ass zombie.  Argkk...can AH haff an eleffin an AH haff ACKKK...in dish shoe?

This is why I refuse to take you on dates in public.
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin

Snaggletiger

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #27 on: December 20, 2011, 12:38:40 PM »
This is why I refuse to take you on dates in public.

Look, I quit pissing myself months ago.  This was an accident, plain and simple.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

GH2001

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #28 on: December 20, 2011, 12:39:57 PM »
This is why I refuse to take you on dates in public.

But you guys have something in common. You both love Dick's.
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WDE

Vandy Vol

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #29 on: December 20, 2011, 12:42:12 PM »
But you guys have something in common. You both love Dick's.

Every time I go to Dick's, I try to get as much out of there as I can.
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin

Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #30 on: December 20, 2011, 12:52:17 PM »
Home for Christmas vacation from college and i'm out every night much to my father's chagrin. He tells me before I walk out the door on saturday night, "You have to take your grandmother to church in the morning. Her car is in the shop." I don't have to go, but I do have to pick up all the other old biddies she usually takes with her.

I go out, get home around 4, then get up to start rounding up blue hairs. While I am waiting at the very last stoplight before the church parking lot, one of those old bitches says, "My Goodness, how on earth did you get all those shoe prints on the ceiling of your car?"

That light liked to have never turned green.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2011, 12:53:14 PM by Shug Dye »
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GH2001

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #31 on: December 20, 2011, 01:00:09 PM »
Home for Christmas vacation from college and i'm out every night much to my father's chagrin. He tells me before I walk out the door on saturday night, "You have to take your grandmother to church in the morning. Her car is in the shop." I don't have to go, but I do have to pick up all the other old biddies she usually takes with her.

I go out, get home around 4, then get up to start rounding up blue hairs. While I am waiting at the very last stoplight before the church parking lot, one of those old bitches says, "My Goodness, how on earth did you get all those shoe prints on the ceiling of your car?"

That light liked to have never turned green.

That story is useless without pics. Of the shoeprints, not the biddies.
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WDE

Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #32 on: December 20, 2011, 01:06:33 PM »
Of the shoeprints.
Really?  :facepalm:

Whatever does it for you, sweetheart.
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"That's what." -She

GH2001

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #33 on: December 20, 2011, 01:11:37 PM »
Really?  :facepalm:

Whatever does it for you, sweetheart.

Its for JR. He has a shoe fetish.

And for proof. Yeah, thats it. Proof.
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WDE

War Eagle!!!

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #34 on: December 20, 2011, 02:07:07 PM »
"My Goodness, how on earth did you get all those shoe prints on the ceiling of your car?"

Well???
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #35 on: December 20, 2011, 02:09:10 PM »
Well???

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #36 on: December 20, 2011, 02:27:09 PM »
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"That's what." -She

Tiger Wench

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #37 on: December 20, 2011, 02:37:31 PM »
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

I would take the one without a wet spot.
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Buzz Killington

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #38 on: December 20, 2011, 02:44:53 PM »
Twister.

Yeah...I got your right foot red right here.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

dallaswareagle

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Re: Your moments part II
« Reply #39 on: December 20, 2011, 02:50:12 PM »
I had a moment this summer. While we were at a Festival this summer walking around drinking beer and feeling pretty good about myself (Beer seems to do that to me). You know there are all kind of booths set up with people selling all kind of shit. Well we are walking by one of the local Radio stations (and the radio stations SUCK here in Dallas. And this one is the top of the suck list. Well the clown they have on stage is one of those over the top DJ or whatever they are and he’s fucking with people in the crowd as they walk by. Well I am wearing one of my Auburn shirts and he starts on about someone from Auburn being here in Texas-Blah-Blah) so I stop to listen and he ask me if I listen to their station. I said no that I was not in there demographics, but he comes back at me not being that old (with emphases on the word old)  and I shot back that I was in the demographic of people who wanted to listen to music not some tool and 55 minutes of music free commercials.

Most of the crowd got a kick out of it, and I went back to drinking my beer.   
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A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.'