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Am I Jewish

Am I Jewish
« on: May 18, 2011, 05:20:08 PM »
We had a relative from Sicily write our family a letter, and he informed us that my great-great-great grandfather and his wife were from Israel. 

So does that make me Jewish? 
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The Guy That Knows Nothing of Hyperbole

Buzz Killington

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2011, 05:24:20 PM »
How much do you usually tip the wait staff?
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2011, 05:28:13 PM »
How much do you usually tip the wait staff?

Anti-semite!  Titan!  Ban this man!
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The Guy That Knows Nothing of Hyperbole

Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2011, 05:32:47 PM »
We had a relative from Sicily write our family a letter, and he informed us that my great-great-great grandfather and his wife were from Israel. 

So does that make me Jewish?

From that long ago you may be an Arab.  Have you ever felt the urge to kill innocent bystanders?
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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him: "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

BZ770

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2011, 05:45:20 PM »
I believe the rule is that your mother has to be jewish.  You can have an Arab Father and a jewish mom and you'd be jewish, but if your Father was a jew and your mom was an Arab you wouldn't be jewish.  So If your GGG Grandma was jewish you'd might be but if you go back that far we probably have all kinds of ethnics in our gene pool.
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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2011, 07:13:24 PM »
I believe the rule is that your mother has to be jewish.  You can have an Arab Father and a jewish mom and you'd be jewish, but if your Father was a jew and your mom was an Arab you wouldn't be jewish.  So If your GGG Grandma was jewish you'd might be but if you go back that far we probably have all kinds of ethnics in our gene pool.

My mother's flipping out about it.  She thinks it's big news. 

I'm a bit meh.  I thought I'd get some kind of government handout.
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The Guy That Knows Nothing of Hyperbole

War Eagle!!!

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2011, 08:16:40 PM »
I thought I'd get some kind of government handout.

I bet you would be surprised...

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AUsweetheart

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2011, 08:37:51 PM »

I'm a bit meh.  I thought I'd get some kind of government handout.
for being one of the world's oldest money makers?

Looking to make a dollar, how Jewish of you.
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A national championship is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

Tiger Wench

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2011, 08:57:53 PM »
So does that make me Jewish?

Why don't you drop trou, take a picture, and let us decide?
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GarMan

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2011, 09:12:32 PM »
My mother's flipping out about it.  She thinks it's big news. 

I'm a bit meh.


What?  Sorry...  That's what being an American is all about.  We're all mutts to some degree, and there isn't anything wrong wiff dat.   

I thought I'd get some kind of government handout. 

Nah...  I think you need to have savage blood in you for that, and then, you might also be eligible for casino money from the local reservation. 
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My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.  - Winston Churchill

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.  - Mark Twain

Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!  - Stewie Griffin

"Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others."  - Ayn Rand

Snaggletiger

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2011, 09:00:31 AM »
Townhallsavoystein
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Tiger Wench

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2011, 11:13:06 AM »
Why don't you drop trou, take a picture, and let us decide?

Still waiting!  Quit your kvetching and show us your putz already!  What, you think I got all day to sit here and wait on you, you nebbish momzer?   Oy!  I bet you got bupkes... you are probably gornisht helfn.

(Side note:  I sometimes wish I was Jewish just so I could use Yiddish phrases in everyday conversation... LOVE it - always just the right turn of phrase to express what you really feel.)
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CCTAU

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2011, 11:23:36 AM »
Actually, you are probably more black than anything else. According to David Gregory, you should be getting your food stamps soon.....
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

AUsweetheart

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2011, 11:46:49 AM »
Actually, you are probably more black than anything else.

Nah...we would have gotten the pics already.
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A national championship is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

Tiger Wench

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2011, 12:57:42 PM »
Nah...we would have gotten the pics already.
Sweets for the win!!!!!!!!   :rofl:
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GarMan

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2011, 02:09:15 PM »
Sweets for the win!!!!!!!!   :rofl: 

Perverts... 
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My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.  - Winston Churchill

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.  - Mark Twain

Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!  - Stewie Griffin

"Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others."  - Ayn Rand

AWK

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Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2011, 02:24:36 PM »
It's rather simply really, answer this question and I can tell you whether your Jewish.


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On a nice Saturday, I like to go ____________.
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Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall said, "Guys don't mind hitting Michael Vick in the open field, but when you see Cam, you have to think about how you're going to tackle him. He's like a big tight end coming at you."

Re: Am I Jewish
« Reply #17 on: May 19, 2011, 02:55:14 PM »
Who's the most popular man at a jewish nude beach?

The guy who can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen bagels

Who's the most poular lady at the jewish nude beach?

The girl who can eat the last bagel....
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