Kaos' book reviews

[Kaos]

You think Kaos is hard on movies?  Wait until you read a few book reviews. 

Toys
James Patterson

I pretty much hate James Patterson.   This concept he has where other people write books and he sticks his name on them to get attention is crass and vulgar (unless and until he puts a Kaos-penned tome on the NYT best seller list).  Still, some of the books under the Patterson brand have been tolerable. 

Not so, Toys. 

What a load of turkey turds this book is.  You think John Grisham is written for the average eighth grade audience?   Kaos does.  This book should have been written in crayon.   It's absolutely ridiculous.  A four-year old could have devised a more rational plot.  Give two monkeys a keyboard and enough time and they'll write Shakespeare?  Ever heard that?  Turns out if you give two monkeys a keyboard and two weeks, they'll write Toys by James Patterson. 

It's 2061.  Computer-enhanced cyber-beings rule America while humans languish in slums and plot an overthrow.  Dirty humans have a secret weapon. 

Horribly written.  Terribly paced.  Complete and total garbage.   Too bad this was on the Nook or it could at least be torn apart to serve as emergency toilet paper and have some value. 

I've read some horrible books in my years.  This is among the absolute worst.  It's simply trash. 

[Townhallsavoy]

I'm not sure I could negatively review a book in a fair way.  Usually, I recognize if it sucks within 20 pages or so, and I put it down.

How do you get through a book you know is bad?

[Kaos]

I'm not sure I could negatively review a book in a fair way.  Usually, I recognize if it sucks within 20 pages or so, and I put it down.

How do you get through a book you know is bad?

Irrational hope.   Plus I read fast.  Like ripping off a bandage. 

[Tiger Wench]

James Patterson has a round table in his office with six computers on it.  Each computer represents a different "novel" in progress.  He sits in a rolling chair, and moves from computer to computer.  He works on each one a teeny bit at a time, moving on when he gets bored.  That is why he writes two page "chapters".

Is it any wonder that his stuff is crappy schlock?  Waste of money and time.  I have not read a Patterson since Kiss The Girls.  He is a hack of the first degree.  Not even beach worthy, unless you use it to prop up a wobbly chair so your drink won't spill.

Jackie Collins.  Mary Higgins Clark.  John Grisham.  More of the same.

[Tiger Wench]

I am with THS - life is too short to plow through crappy writing.  Reading is my single favorite hobby, so I will contribute to this thread with a book worth your time...

The Bottoms, by Joe Lansdale.

This is an amazing book.  Joe Lansdale lives in Nacagdoches, TX, and he writes for the East Texas Piney Woods like James Lee Burke does for south Louisiana.  You can FEEL the setting, smell the pines, breathe the humidity. 

The Bottoms takes place in the 1930s in east Texas, and is a story of murder and segregation and small town secrets that many of us from small towns will recognize as "just the way things were".  For anyone who knows the current reputation of East Texas in terms of racial issues (Jasper, Orange, Vidor), you can see how this story of pre-segregation ties in to the modern day East Texas to come. 

Lansdale is so gifted.  His characters are flawed and human and you see yourself in them and sometimes it can be downright uncomfortable.

Not a very long book - more of a novella.  Cannot recommend it enough.

[Tiger Wench]

While I am talking about Lansdale...

Leather Maiden by Joe Lansdale.  Another short novel.

Once again, east Texas, this time modern day.  The main character is once again flawed, a returned Iraq war vet, got in some trouble in Houston and got fired from his job, so has made his way back to his hometown in Camp Rapture, TX to be a newspaper reporter for the local rag.  Finds out about a local girl gone missing, and decides to look into the mystery.  Does not follow the normal path, and while one part is pretty obvious, I did not have the final detail of the major plotline figured out until the very very end.

Lansdale has created some unusual characters and I hope he brings some of them back again.  He has another set of re-occurring characters, in the Hap & Leonard series, but I have not yet read them.  I just got the first one this past week and will read it soon.  Review to follow - I just hope I like them as much as I like his two stand alone novels.

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Brothers, Rivals, Victors: Eisenhower, Patton, Bradley and the Partnership that Drove the Allied Conquest in Europe - Jonathon Jordan

Started plowing through this doorstop on the flight from Atlanta to Hawaii. 

A great book centering on the complex relationships between Ike, Patton, and Bradley in WW2 and how their careers had been entwined since prior to WW1.  Very good and lots of good lessons to be learned on their contrasting methods on leadership. 

After reading this it is amazing that we won the war at all with so much one upmanship and prima-donnaism (new word) that was in place in the British and American high command.  Luckily Ike seemed to best check his ego at the door and was able to play to his strengths of logistical planning and backroom politics and let the egos do the dirty work.

[JR4AU]

I guess I could review the Code of Alabama, 1975 for you. Or some Rule 32 Petitions written by jailhouse lawyers.  Actually those are pretty entertaining at times. 

[Townhallsavoy]

The Book of Ember

I just read the first of the series.  It's definitely a book for elementary school kids, so if you're looking for something good to give to your 4th or 5th grade son/daughter/niece/nephew, I highly recommend it. 

Nothing too complicated.  Just a simple plot in a fantasy setting. 

I read it to see if it would be good for my students (9th graders).  Hopefully it'll spark an interest in a few of them considering the only reading they do is text message lingo. 

Up next is The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett.