Funnies? Put them here. Give us all a good laugh. We need it.

CCTAU · « **on:** March 23, 2011, 12:43:47 PM »

went to a dance party once...they played the twist, I twisted...they played jump, I jumped....then they played "Come On Eileen"......

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #1 on:** March 23, 2011, 12:48:01 PM »

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, traffic slows down.

Sorry, it's the only thing that came to mind.

CCTAU · « **Reply #2 on:** March 23, 2011, 12:51:11 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on March 23, 2011, 12:48:01 PM

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, traffic slows down.

Sorry, it's the only thing that came to mind.

So we are back to "Come On Eileen"......

Tis a sad day for comedy....

chinook · « **Reply #3 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:02:33 PM »

How do you get Kleenex to dance?

Blow a boogie into it!

chinook · « **Reply #4 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:03:13 PM »

If I wanted to hear from an asshole...I would have farted.

chinook · « **Reply #5 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:05:49 PM »

Standing at the urinal @ RBD Library...taking a piss.

Looking at the wall...inscribed in the tile...

If you are looking for the joke...it's in your hand

djsimp · « **Reply #6 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:11:48 PM »

What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #7 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:11:55 PM »

A man in his 90's, as a Special Birthday Gift from his Grandsons, is sent a Stripper to his home to entertain him. After he lets her in, she informs him that his grandsons sent her as a special birthday gift, to provide her services. The grandfather asks her, " What do you do?" She said ,"I can provide you "Sup-er Sex". â€œHe says, â€œLook, I'm 98 years old, I'll take the Soup!"

djsimp · « **Reply #8 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:14:05 PM »

What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

djsimp · « **Reply #9 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:14:40 PM »

Whatâ€™s the definition of â€œTender Love?â€
Two gays with hemorrhoids.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #10 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:20:25 PM »

Quote from: djsimp41 on March 23, 2011, 01:14:05 PM

What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

What's the difference between a tribe of smart pygmies and the girl's track team?

One is a group of cunning runts....

Godfather · « **Reply #11 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:20:59 PM »

Quote from: djsimp41 on March 23, 2011, 01:14:05 PM

What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Psst Snaggle....vs Past Fucks

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #12 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:24:47 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on March 23, 2011, 01:20:59 PM

Psst Snaggle....vs Past Fucks

What? Wait...fast pucks...pas....OOooooohhhh.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #13 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:27:47 PM »

Mike and Bob had just finished the first nine holes in their round of golf, and it was obvious that Mike was having an awful day.

"Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today. What's the matter?" asked Bob.

Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Connie's dead."

"My God! That's terrible," said Bob, "but you said you only THINK your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?"

"Well, I just don't know" responded Mike, "the sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up."

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #14 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:29:33 PM »

Did you hear about the two fat men who ran in the New York Marathon?
One ran in short bursts, the other in burst shorts!

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #15 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:31:16 PM »

What's round, hairy and sits on the wall?

Humpty mommy part

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #16 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:33:22 PM »

A harelipped kid decided to dress up in a pirate costume for Halloween. The first house he visited, the lady who answered the door said, "ooh, a pirate! Where are your Buccaneers?"
The kid looked at her funny and said "on my buckin' head."

djsimp · « **Reply #17 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:38:19 PM »

Whatâ€™s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

djsimp · « **Reply #18 on:** March 23, 2011, 01:43:02 PM »

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

AU_Tiger_2000 · « **Reply #19 on:** March 23, 2011, 02:37:04 PM »

An old poor lumberjack wanted to send his only son to college. So he went out in the woods everyday with his crosscut saw from sunup to sundown and scrimped and saved. Eventually his son went to school and earned a degree. Upon graduating he thought he should do something nice for his old man so he bought him the best chainsaw he could find. His dad was very proud of it and went off in the woods.

The next day he told his son, "Son, thanks for the gift, but I think something's wrong with it. I worked all day and only cut down one tree." The son went out side and fired up the chainsaw to see what the problem was. His dad jumped out the door and yelled, "What the hell is that noise!"