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Author Topic: Cool Story Bro  (Read 11871 times)

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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #120 on September 30, 2015, 09:20:58 PM »

It's STEWY, bitch

I thought you were the ASSMAN.
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #121 on September 30, 2015, 10:11:14 PM »

crazy. 

new car purchase for OR, unless you have a gay ass personalized tag such as "Stewie", the dealer gives you a paper temporary until the bling comes from the DMV.

I got the gay ass personalized AU tag that says KAOS
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #122 on October 06, 2015, 08:41:36 PM (Edited October 06, 2015, 08:45:32 PM) »

Weep for Murica.  If you ever wonder why Ms. South Carolina's answer went:

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa....

it may not have just been a case of nerves.  Several years back, they still had actual music stores where you could buy these disc thingies that you inserted into a device and it played music. Primitive, I know. But I had heard this song and didn't know who did it. The song was simply named "Birmingham".  I asked the dude at the counter, "Do you know who sings the song, Birmingham".  (Old song by Amanda Marshall)

Pimple faced dude starts tapping the keys...looks up at me and asks...."You mean like, the State?"

Uh huh!   :facepalm:  I wept for our future.

Tonight, the wife asks if we have any delicious coke product. I look.  Nope.  Now, I despise a Dollar General almost as much as a Wal Marks, but they did put one in 1/4 mile from my house and I admit, that sucker has saved my ass more than a few times. I hopped in the new Ford F-150 (More about that later) and dashed to the DG.  Grab a 6'er of delicious coke product in Sprite form, and a 6'er of DCP in Coke form.  Put the 2 6-packs on the counter and this 5'6" 142 pound, tatted up, porn-stached Einstein starts scanning.

I hear him go "Oh my, it's making me scan each one individually."  I'm talking with a neighbor and not really paying attention.  Boop....Beep....Boop...Boop...Beep...Boop.  Next 6'er same thing.  6 more boopie beeps through the scanner.  I turn to him with a $20 extended. 

That'll be $42.10. 

No!

He looks at the ticket.  "Yeah, it says $42.10"

No!

Well, each of these are....

No!  Let me ask you something.  Would YOU pay $42.10 for 2 six packs of delicious coke product?

Well, umm...it says...

No!

Let me call my manager.  Hey could you come up here and clear something up?

Girl in her 20's walks up with a phone to her ear.  "What's the problem?"

He shows her the drinks. Shows her the ticket.  She takes the phone from her ear...looks at him in utter disgust and says...

No!   Brushes him off and straightens it out.  Sorry sir, that'll be $5.35. 

As I put my change in my wallet, Einstein scans the next persons can of Pillsbury Fluffy Bake Biscuits....and promptly puts it in my bag of DCP. 

 :facepalm:  I wept for our future.

Cool stories, bro..

Damn good biscuits, though.

»
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #123 on October 06, 2015, 09:30:41 PM »

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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #124 on October 06, 2015, 09:48:26 PM »

Weep for Murica.  If you ever wonder why Ms. South Carolina's answer went:

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa....

it may not have just been a case of nerves.  Several years back, they still had actual music stores where you could buy these disc thingies that you inserted into a device and it played music. Primitive, I know. But I had heard this song and didn't know who did it. The song was simply named "Birmingham".  I asked the dude at the counter, "Do you know who sings the song, Birmingham".  (Old song by Amanda Marshall)

Pimple faced dude starts tapping the keys...looks up at me and asks...."You mean like, the State?"

Uh huh!   :facepalm:  I wept for our future.

Tonight, the wife asks if we have any delicious coke product. I look.  Nope.  Now, I despise a Dollar General almost as much as a Wal Marks, but they did put one in 1/4 mile from my house and I admit, that sucker has saved my ass more than a few times. I hopped in the new Ford F-150 (More about that later) and dashed to the DG.  Grab a 6'er of delicious coke product in Sprite form, and a 6'er of DCP in Coke form.  Put the 2 6-packs on the counter and this 5'6" 142 pound, tatted up, porn-stached Einstein starts scanning.

I hear him go "Oh my, it's making me scan each one individually."  I'm talking with a neighbor and not really paying attention.  Boop....Beep....Boop...Boop...Beep...Boop.  Next 6'er same thing.  6 more boopie beeps through the scanner.  I turn to him with a $20 extended. 

That'll be $42.10. 

No!

He looks at the ticket.  "Yeah, it says $42.10"

No!

Well, each of these are....

No!  Let me ask you something.  Would YOU pay $42.10 for 2 six packs of delicious coke product?

Well, umm...it says...

No!

Let me call my manager.  Hey could you come up here and clear something up?

Girl in her 20's walks up with a phone to her ear.  "What's the problem?"

He shows her the drinks. Shows her the ticket.  She takes the phone from her ear...looks at him in utter disgust and says...

No!   Brushes him off and straightens it out.  Sorry sir, that'll be $5.35. 

As I put my change in my wallet, Einstein scans the next persons can of Pillsbury Fluffy Bake Biscuits....and promptly puts it in my bag of DCP. 

 :facepalm:  I wept for our future.

Cool stories, bro..

Damn good biscuits, though.
Baby steps, my brother! Look on the bright side; he learned a lesson from your encounter. He didn't scan each biscuit in the sleeve individually.
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #125 on October 06, 2015, 10:25:44 PM »

Baby steps, my brother! Look on the bright side; he learned a lesson from your encounter. He didn't scan each biscuit in the sleeve individually.


That'll be $27.50. 

No!

Well..the ticket says the biscuits are $4.85 a piece so...

No!

Hey, could you come up here and clear something up?
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #126 on October 06, 2015, 10:32:25 PM »

Weep for Murica.  If you ever wonder why Ms. South Carolina's answer went:

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa....

it may not have just been a case of nerves.  Several years back, they still had actual music stores where you could buy these disc thingies that you inserted into a device and it played music. Primitive, I know. But I had heard this song and didn't know who did it. The song was simply named "Birmingham".  I asked the dude at the counter, "Do you know who sings the song, Birmingham".  (Old song by Amanda Marshall)

Pimple faced dude starts tapping the keys...looks up at me and asks...."You mean like, the State?"

Uh huh!   :facepalm:  I wept for our future.

Tonight, the wife asks if we have any delicious coke product. I look.  Nope.  Now, I despise a Dollar General almost as much as a Wal Marks, but they did put one in 1/4 mile from my house and I admit, that sucker has saved my ass more than a few times. I hopped in the new Ford F-150 (More about that later) and dashed to the DG.  Grab a 6'er of delicious coke product in Sprite form, and a 6'er of DCP in Coke form.  Put the 2 6-packs on the counter and this 5'6" 142 pound, tatted up, porn-stached Einstein starts scanning.

I hear him go "Oh my, it's making me scan each one individually."  I'm talking with a neighbor and not really paying attention.  Boop....Beep....Boop...Boop...Beep...Boop.  Next 6'er same thing.  6 more boopie beeps through the scanner.  I turn to him with a $20 extended. 

That'll be $42.10. 

No!

He looks at the ticket.  "Yeah, it says $42.10"

No!

Well, each of these are....

No!  Let me ask you something.  Would YOU pay $42.10 for 2 six packs of delicious coke product?

Well, umm...it says...

No!

Let me call my manager.  Hey could you come up here and clear something up?

Girl in her 20's walks up with a phone to her ear.  "What's the problem?"

He shows her the drinks. Shows her the ticket.  She takes the phone from her ear...looks at him in utter disgust and says...

No!   Brushes him off and straightens it out.  Sorry sir, that'll be $5.35. 

As I put my change in my wallet, Einstein scans the next persons can of Pillsbury Fluffy Bake Biscuits....and promptly puts it in my bag of DCP. 

 :facepalm:  I wept for our future.

Cool stories, bro..

Damn good biscuits, though.

I'm not sure which is worse...the kid having a duh moment or the adult buying Diet Coke for mixing with Bourbon. I wept for the bourbon.
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #127 on October 06, 2015, 10:40:42 PM »

I'm not sure which is worse...the kid having a duh moment or the adult buying Diet Coke for mixing with Bourbon. I wept for the bourbon.

God, you are such a bitch.  Did I say anything about mixing Diet Delicious Coke Product with bourbon?

Hmmm?

Well?

Who mixes Diet DCP with anything?  Only the good stuff socializes with my ice cubes and Pappy Van Winkle.
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #128 on November 11, 2015, 11:33:25 PM (Edited November 12, 2015, 02:25:28 AM) »

So I'm stuck in Arkansas at a conference.  Staying at an Embassy Suites.  That alone is an assload of suckage. 

My room is on the second floor. Directly over the atrium. They are doing karaoke or some shoot down there.  It's so fudgeing loud.  I've heard woo-pig-sooey about a dozen times.  The fudge...

So I turn the TV up, order Straight Outta Compton on the TV and try to drown that shoot out. 

About 6:30 I order dinner. Ribeye, redskin potatoes, green beans.   She says 20 minutes. 

7:15.  No food. I try to call.  Rings and rings and rings.  Nobody answers. Call the front desk.  No answer. Walk out in the hall.  Atrium full. 

7:45.  No food.  No answer.

8:30. No food. No answer. 

9:00. No food. No answer.  I let the damn thing ring 78 times.

9:15.  Phone rings.  Room service guy says they're sorry but they were running low on ribeyes and had to take one out of the freezer to thaw.  Will be up shortly.  Would I like a free dessert to make up for the delay?

fudge NO, I don't want a free dessert.  I wanted my food like three hours ago. 

9:42.  Room service arrives.  The guy is black and wonders aloud why I'm watching Straight Outta Compton because he didn't know it was on TV yet. 

The check is for the full amount.  No discount.  I scratch out the amount, write "I refuse to pay this bill" on it, sign it and give the guy $5 for bringing it up. 

Take off the lid.  Steak. No potatoes. No green beans.  The steak is fudgeing cold. Not even close to warm.   And inedible.  I tried a few bites and it tasted like somebody had rubbed it on a gangrenous alley cat's ass.  It was awful.  Tried to call room service to bitch.  Phone rang and rang.  Nobody answered. 

10:30.  Ordered a fudgeing pizza.  Will be here in 45 minutes. 

EDIT:
Pizza showed up at quarter to 12.  I have a meeting at 8 a.m.  And an awful case of heartburn.  It's 1:35 and I can't sleep. 
»
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Re: Cool Story Bro
« Reply #129 on November 12, 2015, 08:39:50 AM »

So I'm stuck in Arkansas at a conference.  Staying at an Embassy Suites.  That alone is an assload of suckage. 

My room is on the second floor. Directly over the atrium. They are doing karaoke or some shoot down there.  It's so fudgeing loud.  I've heard woo-pig-sooey about a dozen times.  The fudge...

So I turn the TV up, order Straight Outta Compton on the TV and try to drown that shoot out. 

About 6:30 I order dinner. Ribeye, redskin potatoes, green beans.   She says 20 minutes. 

7:15.  No food. I try to call.  Rings and rings and rings.  Nobody answers. Call the front desk.  No answer. Walk out in the hall.  Atrium full. 

7:45.  No food.  No answer.

8:30. No food. No answer. 

9:00. No food. No answer.  I let the damn thing ring 78 times.

9:15.  Phone rings.  Room service guy says they're sorry but they were running low on ribeyes and had to take one out of the freezer to thaw.  Will be up shortly.  Would I like a free dessert to make up for the delay?

fudge NO, I don't want a free dessert.  I wanted my food like three hours ago. 

9:42.  Room service arrives.  The guy is black and wonders aloud why I'm watching Straight Outta Compton because he didn't know it was on TV yet. 

The check is for the full amount.  No discount.  I scratch out the amount, write "I refuse to pay this bill" on it, sign it and give the guy $5 for bringing it up. 

Take off the lid.  Steak. No potatoes. No green beans.  The steak is fudgeing cold. Not even close to warm.   And inedible.  I tried a few bites and it tasted like somebody had rubbed it on a gangrenous alley cat's ass.  It was awful.  Tried to call room service to bitch.  Phone rang and rang.  Nobody answered. 

10:30.  Ordered a fudgeing pizza.  Will be here in 45 minutes. 

EDIT:
Pizza showed up at quarter to 12.  I have a meeting at 8 a.m.  And an awful case of heartburn.  It's 1:35 and I can't sleep.

Bitch to corporate and the general manager of the hotel, and theaten to slander their name all over Yelp and all of the other travel sites, and you'll get a shootload of stuff for free. Just saying.
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