Countdown to Football

46 Days

Years ago, football season lasted from September through December and ended on January 1st.  High school recruits were allowed to sign with their college of choice in February, and most people went about their business until the following fall.

Nowadays, football season lasts from September through mid January.  Football’s recruiting season lasts year round and really heats up January and February.  Football’s spring season lasts from March until April.  Trash talking season lasts from May until June.  Football’s media season is in July, and football’s practice season is in August.

Fans have to buy tickets to experience most of those.

Tomorrow starts the media season.  All 12 SEC coaches will visit the Winfrey hotel in Hoover, AL and will field questions from a group of hair-gelled, fake tanned journalism nerds who probably only played football in the 9th grade.

And those nerds can be a coach’s best friend in terms of pushing propaganda or a coach’s thorn in terms of asking too much.

The best defense against an unwanted question is a strategy known as coach-speak.  This kind of answer is a vague statement that technically answers the question but leaves out relevant facts.

But what if coach-speak was illegal?

What questions would each coach hate to answer if they were forced to answer truthfully?

SEC EAST

Will Muschamp (Florida) – “Coach, how does it feel to be the last former Tuberville coordinator – Chizik, Petrino, and Fischer being the others – to get a head coaching job?”

Mark Richt (Georgia) – “Is there a game this season that you’ve circled as the ‘If we don’t win this one I’m done’ game?”

Joker Phillips (Kentucky) – “How’s the basketball team this year?”

Steve Spurrier (South Carolina) – “Using only adjectives, how do you feel about Stephen Garcia?”

Derrick Dooley (Tennessee) – “Using only adjectives, how do you feel about Lane Kiffin?”

James Franklin (Vanderbilt) – “What’s the formula for coming up with a post game speech after a loss?”

SEC WEST

Nick Saban (Alabama) – “How do you feel about being partially responsible for the creation of numerous NCAA rules meant to curtail head coaches from taking advantage of high school and college students?”

Gene Chizik (Auburn) – “If Julie Roe Lach was on fire and all you had to do was pee on her to put it out, would you?”

Bobby Petrino (Arkansas) – “How do you manage family life considering being a college football coach requires so much of your time?”

Les Miles (LSU) – “Would you be willing to pay a few thousand dollars for a tape of my 14 year old cousin playing capture the flag in his back yard with his neighborhood buddies?  Have one of your assistant coaches text him the answer.”

Dan Mullen (Miss State) – “Coach, how different do you think things would be right now if you had ponied up the money for Cam Newton and stayed quiet about it?”

Houston Nutt (Ole Miss) – “Out of the 120 FBS schools in the country, how many of them would you leave Ole Miss for even if you had to take a pay cut?”

46 Days

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