PETA to Shutdown Auburn Football Program

This just in – Another black eye for the Auburn Tigers.  Apparently, their coaching staff has cultivated an environment harmful to innocent animals.  In addition to drugs, prostitution, and guns, the Auburn football players have taken part in a new game they invented known as “Squirreling.”  It involves catching innocent squirrels – baby squirrels earn you extra points – and twisting them like a wet towel until their innards pop out of both ends.  We have pictures of this event that confirms their despicable participation in such a game, but we will not show them to you.  Ever.  They’re simply too gruesome.

PETA has been notified and will be putting together a very large protest outside of Jordan-Hare Stadium every Saturday in the Fall.  PETA organizer Patience Aurora said, “We will not stand by quietly and allow these people to get away with this.  We will make sure the world knows that Auburn tortures animals for fun.”

Time to Man Up

I’m done venting. I’ve bloviated enough about why Gus Malzahn was a bad hire and how I believe he could fail.

But he is our coach. He’s the new guy in charge, and just like when Gene Chizik took over, we had to pull up our britches and rally around him. No matter how bad it looked, we had to somehow find a way to support our program.

And we need to do the same now. Luckily, it’s much, much easier this time to get behind Gus Malzahn.

We knew why Gene Chizik was a historically bad hire. He was 5-19 at a program that showed no signs of progression. The beat writers for Iowa State bludgeoned his departure with point after point of how Chizik was unqualified to be a head coach and how Chizik had no shot at being successful at Auburn. There were stories of pompous, flimsy attempts to instill discipline on a football team like lining up helmets. There were stories about vague blueprints and lack of creativity in game plans. There were stories about how he failed to prepare his football team, how he failed to field a competitive squad when facing superior talent.

What we want?

By: Creedus Maximus

Gene Chizik is, by all accounts, a nice guy.  We needed his faith, his quiet strength, and his calm demeanor to help up weather the many storms that came our way during our path to the National Championship.  His good stewardship was exactly what was called for in such extraordinary circumstances.

Unfortunately, in the world of ordinary college football, nice guys finish last.  In the dog-eat-dog, kill-your-own-grandmother-if-she-gets-in-your-way world of college football, assholes finish first.

And right now, the biggest asshole in college football is sitting over on the west side of the state, with lifts in his shoes, and a Little Debbie Oatmeal Pie in his hand while he drafts the next step in the Process towards World Domination.

We aren’t Afraid Doyle

Feed’em fish heads

Some of you may or may not have seen the article posted by Gregg Doyle  of CBS Sports, basically saying that no one can compete against demi-god short stuff located in Northern Alabama. We tend to disagree, in fact one of our members decided to break down Mr. Doyles, most recent article on Auburns head coaching search.

Anyone offered Auburn job at this time, place would be a fool to take it
Gregg Doyel
By Gregg Doyel | National Columnist
Nov. 26, 2012 9:30 AM ET

Auburn has the trickiest coaching vacancy to fill, maybe the trickiest college football vacancy of my lifetime. There’s not much to offer Auburn in the way of advice, other than this: